Author: J.P. Travis

How bored are Scandinavians this winter? Next Tuesday, Swedish television, Norwegian television, 17 newspapers, and hundreds of onlookers will watch an expert open a 25-year-old dangerously swollen can of overly-fermented herring. These are the same people who awarded Al Gore a Nobel Peace Prize.

Arab Donald Duck claims he was fired for anti-Israel tweets. Wael Mansour, the voice of Donald Duck in Arabic, “truly wishes Israel is demolished, I hate Zionism, I have so much hate inside me” and doesn’t think it should disqualify him from working for Disney. Makes you wonder who does the voice for Arab Porky Pig.

This week’s sign of the impending Apocalypse: Vancouver, British Columbia, has installed crack pipe vending machines to give drug users access to inexpensive, durable, crack pipes that won’t “chip and cut drug users’ mouths.”

NBC commentator cross-dressing at Olympics to show support for gays. He covers figure skating so cross-dressing is kind of redundant, isn’t it?

Common Core math problem for third-graders. Whoever wrote this problem has an IQ of 90 rounded down to zero.

Stupid bureaucrat of the week: Eric Pickles. Mr. Pickles, Local Government Secretary in the UK, says the answer to flooding in southwest England is international aid to poorer countries, which will ease the Global Warming that caused the floods.

NBC story about hacked cellphones in Sochi “100% fraudulent.” The story was completely fabricated. The reporter supposedly in Sochi was actually in Moscow, and he had to download a hostile Android app and disable his phone’s security to get hacked. Just when we thought NBC couldn’t get more pathetic…

Lake Superior 92% frozen over, a new record. The Great Lakes as a whole are 77% frozen over, also closing in on the record set in 1994 (84%). Since the lakes added 11% over the last week and temperatures are still well below freezing, a new record seems easily achievable.

Southwest England floods while Environment Agency frets about birds. They knew they needed to update flood prevention infrastructure but the bureaucrats stalled and obstructed while they studied the effect on birds. Now it’s too late. Everybody’s underwater. We see your birds, Brits, and raise you one spotted owl and a delta smelt.

Monthly satellite lower-troposphere temperature data. As the chart shows, there has now been no global warming – at all – for 17 years 5 months.

Somali Muslims riot at Minnesota caucus, force shutdown. You can lead a Muslim to democracy, but you can’t make him drink.

Industrial rock band Skinny Puppy sends bill to U.S. military. They found out Skinny Puppy music was used for torturing inmates at Guantanamo Bay. What’s worse? Finding out someone is using your music without paying you, or finding out that listening to your music is considered torture?

The Russian Chobani ban. They won’t allow a large shipment of Chobani yogurt intended for U.S. athletes into Sochi. Maybe they think because it’s “Greek” yogurt it’s a gay thing?

Topless Femen protestors attacked the Archbishop of Madrid. Shouting “Abortion is sacred!” the feminists threw bloodstained underwear at the cardinal while pushing their bare breasts onto him. Women: always with the mixed messages.

Company that failed miserably building Healthcare.gov still getting new federal contracts. Old paradigm for success in America: work really hard providing products or services people want. New paradigm: get government contracts by being BFF with president’s wife, fail miserably, then get more contracts to fix the mess you made.

New executive action on Global Warming: Obama creates “climate hubs.” As we shiver through one of the coldest winters in history, it’s good to know the president has priorities.

WH wrote pro-Obamacare tweets for NFL players to parrot during Super Bowl. Before you scoff, it makes for a handy concussion test. Any player mentally deranged enough to waste time tweeting White House-written Obamacare crap is obviously suffering from brain damage and needs an MRI.

FAA stops beer deliveries by drone. Lakemaid Brewery in Stevens Point, Wisconsin, was using drones to deliver beer to ice fishermen on a Minnesota lake. But the FAA said the delivery system is verboten without a license… and oh by the way they don’t offer drone licenses.

PETA upset about fur coat Joe Namath wore for coin flip. We’re upset, too. We don’t like it when retired football heroes show up at the Super Bowl dressed like RuPaul.

Super Bowl pits Facebook against Twitter. Facebook wants to take away Twitter’s “second screen” status and become the venue of choice for comments during the game. A pox on both of them. They’re both run by liberal weenies who censor conservatives so stay here or go here to make comments, instead.

India and Japan forming defense alliance to counter China. Seems like a good marriage: Japan has the money and technology, India has 1.3 billion people. And since everybody knows they can’t count on the U.S. while Obama is president…

Today is World Hijab Day. Show your appreciation for the hijab by walking up to a Muslim woman wearing a veil and saying, “Thank God your face is covered.”

Alorton, Illinois. Let’s see: Fire Chief with long criminal history just arrested on drug charges, Deputy Clerk is a convicted felon recently arrested again, former Police Chief is in prison, former Mayor who served two years in prison is the mother of the recently-arrested Deputy Clerk, current mayor is facing charges… guess which political party runs the city.

ABC News twists statistics for anti-gun special. Let’s face it: the mainstream media has gone from favoring the liberal agenda to flat-out lying for it.

Russians in violation of old treaty while Obama negotiating new treaty. “But Obama administration officials are not yet ready to formally declare the tests of the missile… to be a violation of the 1987 treaty.” Why not? Because it would be more embarrassing evidence of international political naiveté?