Author: J.P. Travis

Swiss shop clerk says Oprah Winfrey is lying. “This is absurd. I would never say something like that to a customer. Really, never… I don’t know why she is making these accusations. She is so powerful and I am just a shop girl.” Poor girl doesn’t understand racial politics in the U.S. – where even the wealthy and powerful still want to pretend they’re victims.

Whistleblower says 400 U.S. missiles stolen in Benghazi. The stolen missiles are now in “the hands of some very ugly people,” says the whistleblower’s lawyer. No wonder the Obama administration is tight-lipped about Benghazi – when airliners are getting shot out of the sky and people start asking where Al Qaeda got the missiles, White House press conferences are gonna get very awkward.

Eric Holder caught lying. Again.

Federal judge strikes down another Bloomberg police state policy. He’s probably throwing a giant control-freak temper tantrum right now: federal judge Shira A. Scheindlin ruled that New York’s stop-and-frisk policy violates constitutional rights.

Meet Bill Killian, the asshat who sent an innocent man to prison for 15 years. And take a good hard look at what gun control by the federal government looks like.

Largest conference ever devoted to female orgasm. This weekend, Friday through Sunday, in San Francisco. Sounds great – the “Stroking Clinics” sound especially edifying – but we heard a rumor that a conference devoted to male orgasm was supposed to run concurrently except the men arrived about noon Friday, were finished by 12:15, and then left town.

Better read the fine print, Mr. Bank! Our new hero: Sick of the fine print banks put into their credit card offers, a man in Russia added a bunch of his own fine print – like 0% APR and a $182,000 cancellation fee – then signed the offer and used the card for two years without making a payment. (Why should he with 0% interest?) So far the courts have sided with him.

Jason Richwine asks: Why can’t we talk about IQ? He wonders why journalists have a cow every time the subject arises. Short answer: Because journalists have very low IQs, Jason! And they’re sensitive about it! … Duh.

Famous atheist says Muslims peaked in the Dark Ages, haven’t done much since. Twitter row ensues.

Democrat senator from Hawaii threatened to molest a sheep in college? Sen. Brian Schatz belonged to a college fraternity that kept a sheep, intended for use in the fraternity’s initiation ceremony, locked in a closet with no food and water. During initiation, prospective members were told, “just give the sheep one poke” to pass the test, or refuse and be denied membership. We don’t know what choice Brian made – the sheep is unavailable for comment – but screwing barnyard animals would be good practice for a future Democrat politician.

Sharknado star Tara Reid goes on Discovery Channel to discuss sharks. She expounded enthusiastically about her belief that whales and sharks have sex… thereby producing whale sharks.

List of curious coincidences in Barack Obama’s life. An eye-opening tour de force that doesn’t even mention the curious coincidences involving his birth certificate or citizenship.

Obama rebukes Putin by punishing Sweden. Because Russia gave Snowden asylum, Obama has decided he will not meet with Vladimir Putin in Moscow after the Group of 20 economic summit in St. Petersburg. Instead, he will travel to Sweden… where the Swedes are probably wondering, “Hey, what did we do wrong?”

ABC news editor switches genders, then switches back. In May Don Ennis came to work wearing a dress, wig, heels, and lipstick, saying he wanted to be called “Dawn.” Now he’s switching back to “Don” and using the men’s room again. No wonder the news business is messed up.

Attack of the luxury toilets. High-end Satis toilets, which cost over $5,000 and are operated by a smartphone app, are vulnerable to being hacked because all the access codes are the same, “0000.” So pranksters can make your toilet flush, turn on the bidet, start the hot air dryer, make the lid go up and down on you, and switch the toilet’s music to hard rock or rap. Nobody can poop under those conditions.

Obama votes in chart form:

RNC Chairman calls out NBC and CNN for promoting Hillary Clinton.

“Both networks are airing programs promoting former Secretary Hillary Clinton ahead of her likely candidacy for president in 2016… If the productions are not canceled prior to the start of the RNC’s Summer Meeting, Chairman Priebus will seek a binding vote of the RNC to prevent the committee from partnering with these networks in 2016 primary debates or sanctioning debates they sponsor.”

WTF? Did someone at the RNC finally grow a pair?

Serious terror threat forces U.S. to close overseas embassies. As the nation’s sixteen top national security advisors gathered for an urgent Saturday meeting to discuss the threat, our president was at Camp David golfing and partying in a two-day weekend-long celebration of his 52nd birthday. Hopefully his birthday party had pony rides and a clown so the poor overworked child comes home happy.

13 armed men swarm animal shelter in Wisconsin to kill Bambi. No, government isn’t out of control in this country. 13 men with guns drawn is a delicate response to an illegal baby deer. In a tyrannical country they would have sent 14 guys. So relax.

Arctic experiences very short summer. Normally they get 90 days above freezing. This year they got less than half that. We should have a contest: who will be the first “climate scientist” to blame this on Global Warming? Winner gets lunch-and-a-massage with Al Gore.

The Old Gray Lady comes a cropper. A lesson in obstinate liberal stupidity: the New York Times bought the Boston Globe in 1993 for $1.1 billion and just sold it for $70 million while retaining $110 million of pension liabilities. In other words, they took $1.1 billion and turned it into a negative $40 million while adamantly spewing a hard-left version of the news that nobody wants to read. These are not overly smart people.

Baseball team salutes Anthony Weiner… with $1 hot dog night.

Ball State University imposes gag order on faculty. God forbid the students hear about a politically incorrect viewpoint – the little darlings’ heads might explode.

Russia intends to prosecute gay participants at 2014 Winter Olympics. Oh oh, now where will they find judges for the Ice Dancing events?

Wife Googling pressure cookers + husband Googling backpacks = black SUVs in the driveway.