Category: News New Format

Garry Trudeau blames Charlie Hebdo cartoonists for their own death… while accepting lifetime achievement award as cartoonist. We have a new frontrunner for the title of Biggest Liberal Asshole on Planet Earth.

BREAKING! MAN COMMITS SUICIDE ON U.S. CAPITOL LAWN, HAD ‘TAX THE ONE PERCENT’ SIGN. Somehow this doesn’t sound like he’s going to turn out to be a Tea Party or NRA member.

Kim Jong-un was a child prodigy. Teachers in North Korea have been issued a new manual that says the dictator was driving at age 3 and winning yacht races at age 9. Fine, but could he stop the seas from rising and shoot rainbows out of his hand?

‘We’re hiring’: Islamic State posts help wanted ads for media reps, teachers, bomb makers. We suggest Marie Harf apply immediately.

Britain’s Version of Obamacare Is About to Collapse. Yep, those Europeans are sure some geniuses to emulate, aren’t they?

Feds Indict Houston PD ‘Officer of the Year’ for Trafficking Cocaine for Los Zetas Cartel. Looks like Houston PD can really pick ’em.

Twitter Mocks ‘Hillary’s Big Announcement.’ Ready for Hillary? It’s time for her Big Fat Sexist Presidential Campaign! Until January 20, 2017 you can be sexist and racist at the same time.

Calif. water districts, facing catastrophe, defy federal order to release water for fish. It looks like California is starting its very own Boston Tea Party.

OUCH! AP reporter asks Harf if she wants Americans trapped in Yemen to ‘swim’ home. We don’t know what she said after that. We’re not sure we want to.

Science journalism: as bad as regular journalism. The Lancet just published a study saying obese people are 30% less likely to develop dementia—the journal Neurology just published a study saying obese people are four times more likely to develop dementia. Sounds like the scientists have dementia.

White House admits lying about the deal with Iran. Just as we all suspected, even crazy duplicitous Iranians are more trustworthy than Obama.

Joe Biden apparently put a baby’s pacifier in his mouth. He’s used to sucking on the taxpayers tit so this came naturally.

Walter Scott’s Family Tell Racial Arsonist Al Sharpton to Stay Away: “We don’t want another Ferguson type of circus here.” Al last seen with head spinning, vomiting some green stuff (not the kind of green he likes).

NY Times Blatantly Lies About The Carry Of Guns At NRA Annual Meeting. The NYT must be competing with Rolling Stone for the Big BS Award of the Year.

Mother Jones: Why Is My Bank Teller Trying to Sell Me a Credit Card I Don’t Want? Perhaps a better question would be ‘Why is my President forcing me to buy insurance that I don’t need?’

Don’t worry, Al Sharpton has a solution for police shootings. And coincidentally it’s the same thing Obama advocates: federalizing the nation’s police forces. What are the odds?

NORAD Moving Comms Equipment Back To Cold War-Era Bunker Designed To Withstand Nuclear And EMP Attacks.  Oops! The military doesn’t agree with the Obama administration that everything is hunky-dory.

Iran: New Nuke Deal Is ‘Not Acceptable.’ The negotiations certainly went well, didn’t they?

Sorry, Mr. President, Global Warming Didn’t Cause Malia’s Asthma. Smog didn’t either. Most likely cause? We’d guess Obama’s smoking.

April 9, 2015 – Paul Blooms As Clinton Wilts In Colorado, Iowa, Virginia, Quinnipiac University Swing State Poll Finds. Ready for Hillary? Looks like some people aren’t even thinking about Hillary.

 

White House now has a gender neutral restroom. We think it’s fabulous that President Obama finally has a bathroom where he feels comfortable.

Paul hints at Clinton Foundation scandal: Jebco goes after Paul, Paul goes after Clinton. That speaks volumes.

Ted Cruz Welcomes Rand Paul to the 2016 Race: Classy.

Some animals are more equal than others. A University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee TA is offering his students extra credit if they’re bisexual.

‘Culture Change’ at FBI Headquarters to Include Camp Fire Meeting Areas. Meanwhile in California the greentard drones are busy trying to outlaw fireplaces.