India to protect President from sinister simians with team of trained monkey catchers

Looks like the Secret Service won’t be enough to protect President Obama while he’s in India. So the Indian government has unleashed its own team of security experts – the Simian Service.

angry-monkey
We don't know how much monkey catchers get paid in India, but it's not enough

The Times of India has the details of the deployment:

Eighty-foot-high towers being built around the ridge area in the capital are not just being erected for the security of US President Barack Obama but also to keep the monkeys in the vicinity at bay, police said.

Obama will be visiting the national capital on November 8-9 and will be staying at ITC Maurya hotel, situated near the ridge area where the monkey population is high.

“As several incidents of monkey-menace have been reported from the area, we are keeping a watch on the simians,” a police officer said.

He also said that trained monkey-catchers will also be deployed.

For god’s sake, man, if they’re this worried about the trained monkeys, what can they possibly do about the untrained monkeys?

Source: Times of India

This post was last modified on January 26, 2021

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View Comments (33)

  • Oh for God's sake (that's sah-kae for pronounciative purpose of humor - there must be a correct word for pronunciative that isn't blocked [from one's vocabulary] by [possibly] excess scotch consumption, but it escapes me at the moment), the untrained monkeys are likely to pay a much higher price if the lobster is properly prepared.
    I was pistoff when my dentist filed my fangs down. This fella? If his dentist gives him the special sauce if he ain't careful, then boom! he wakes up and the pointy canines are reduced to some kind of Eric Estrada equivalent. Raw meat is never quite the same afterwards.

    A Monkey Menace, really? I'll bet there are dozens of recipes online that, if followed correctly would yield deliciousness.

  • I dont see what is so important about this visit that merits THIS level of security...? If it is so important to keep him safe, instead of wasting that money then just stay here OR go home to Kenya and take your aunt with you.

    • My friends from India's description of their land is that there are a *lot* of things out there that can kill you. They're used to it. We're not.

      All humor aside, they are doing what is reasonable and appropriate to prevent an unfortunate incident that could land Joe Biden in the oval office. I'm just trying to figure out whether or not to thank them, or tell them to relax, we'll send Joe over, too. (Until January, though, I'm thinking they should take every precaution.)

      • Fine... yet it is still weird and careless to our fiscal situation. I don't know what is so important he needs to go there when he could just use Skype. Also if he is doing this to vacay with the wife, he shouldn't be doing it on my dollar, he should stay here and vacay on areas where the economy COULD use the extra people like the Gulf Coast.

        • When he does spend time in the states, he does tend to irritate people -- there is not an ounce of humility/decency/sensitivity in him. While we have near 20% actual unemployment, that jerk eats lobster every day. I simply cannot wait until he is unemployed.

          • "While we have near 20% actual unemployment, that jerk eats lobster every day."

            Don't forget the $100 a pound Wagyu beef!

        • I figure that on any day that he is out of the office, we as a nation save a billion dollars and countless freedoms. I will not complain that he spends so much time on the golf course -- I want him to do as little damage as possible. It is an additional win when the Indians see him for the empty suit that he is, and marvel that such a 'marvelous public speaker" as he cannot speak without the teleprompter.

          Now, if he were a *REAL* president, then I would be a lot more concerned -- then his absence at the leadership role would be costing our nation. Then again, a *REAL* president would have that as a concern, and would have enough sense not to go off globe trotting, blathering about all the US jobs that India will create for us. I work in IT -- India and US jobs is kind of a sore point for me.

          I just figure that for a couple weeks, we exported our village idiot.

          • If I could only be assured that he does no damage outside the country or during his golf trips... I just hope he is not bowing and kissing people's hands...

    • The monkeys aren't the problem. It's the Dem plantation kool-aid drinkers that were hoping for big bucks and are just getting small change.

  • The monkey thing is a long-standing tradition. The brit village of Hartlepool held an espionage trial for a monkey and executed it for being a french spy during the Napoleonic wars.

      • I sh*t you not. Truth is sometimes stranger than fiction.

        Some people say it was due to the ignorance of the villagers -- but I think it far more likely that it was a putdown of the french, and they knew exactly what they were doing..

        • It's funny in the same way that the coat of arms of Quebec has the motto "Je me souviens" on it, which means "I remember". However, nobody can remember where it came from. Seriously!

          I humbly suggest that they change it to "I done forgot." -- e.g. "Je fait oublié"

          Just a suggestion.

  • When the Obamas return home, who's going to protect us from them? Hopefully, the House will find and maintain their backbone.

  • The things being done to protect Barry while he's in India are bizarre and outrageously expensive to us, the American taxpayer...a bomb proof air conditioned tunnel for his visit to the Ghandi Museum, coconuts being removed from the trees, 30 sniffer dogs, 45 armored limos, renting 500 plus rooms. They've denied the warships, but you know it has to be true. Now, they have to have monkey ranglers to protect his precious ass.

    I read that the Indian politicians are surprised that he needs a teleprompter for his speech to the Indian parliament. They thought he was such a great speaker and all.

  • 'trained monkeys"? Don't you get it? They are trained to attack ego inflated demi-gods! That's why the need to keep them away from little o!

  • Oops, my mistake. I thought it was Aunt Zeituni with a new 'do. Forgot - she's here and she ain't leaving.

  • Nice picture of Mrs. Obama. Kind of a funky hair-do though. She looks like she's mad at her hairdresser.

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