Remember Obama’s victory speech in St. Paul, Minnesota when he said of his election, “This was the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal.”
Sure, we laughed at what seemed like a megalomaniacal statement, but, damn it, it looks like he was right.
Al Gore said the world’s major coastal cities would be underwater by the end of the century, but according to data from the Gravity Recovery and Climate Experiment, we’ve been saved from a hydrological hell by the power and glory of Barack Obama.
Physorg.com has the story of our salvation:
According to the new results, the annual world average sea level rise is about 1 millimeter, or about 0.04 of an inch. In some areas, such as the Pacific Ocean near the equator and the waters offshore from India and north of the Amazon River, the rise is larger. In some areas, such as the east coast of the United States, the sea level has actually dropped a bit over the past decade.
The surface of the sea is a constantly shifting fabric. To achieve a truer sense of how much the sea is changing in any one place, scientists measure the strength of gravity in that place. Measuring gravity over a patch of ocean or dry land provides an estimate of how much mass lies in that region. The measured mass depends on the presence of such things as mountains, glaciers, mineral deposits, and oceans.
If the gravity measurement for a place is changing, this could mean that the place is losing mass because of a retreating glacier or gaining mass if, as in the ocean surrounding Antarctica, new melt water is streaming in.
The Gravity Recovery and Climate Experiment, or GRACE for short, consists of a pair of satellites moving in an orbit that takes them over the South and North Poles. The two craft, nicknamed Tom and Jerry after the television cartoon characters, send constant signals to each other to determine their relative spacing to about 10 microns — one-tenth the width of a human hair — over a distance of 130 miles. If the first craft flies above a slightly more weighty area of the Earths’ surface — like a mountain range — it will be tugged a bit out of place, an effect picked up by a change in the relative spacing of the craft.
Gore said oceans would rise by 20 feet by the end of the century. The IPCC said it would be more like two feet. Now it looks like it will be more like two inches.
See? The rise of the oceans has been slowed just like Barack Obama said. Don’t know about you, but we feel like such fools for not believing him.
Source: Physorg.com
This post was last modified on December 7, 2010
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I especially like the part where they say the sea level is rising in some places while dropping in other places. These yoyo's don't know that the oceans are connected to each other?
I wonder how one gets to be a scientist without taking basic geography.
LOL.. after you set the yoyos straight, you might want to put the kibosh on the planned expansion of Panama Canal Locks. They should be able to just dig straight through
Little known fact. Most modern colleges now give out degrees in the science of bullshitology. They call 'em stuff like 'Wymyn's Studies'.
Good luck getting a job in the private sector with credentials like that, though -- your best bet would be to try for a job like Harvard Law Review Editor that Doesn't Actually Edit Anything And Doesn't Have Any Transcripts Even Though He Has An Advanced Degree.
Go to berkley.
Yeah, but what about the rise of bullshit?
That should be the next shamwow commercial.
"Lets say this gallon of cola represents all the bullshit from Obama. WOW! Shamwow soaks it right up! Now just ring it out into this bucket (prison written on the side) where it belongs and this counter top that represents America is clean again!"
God I wish I was wealthy enough to squander it on producing things like that.
Of course it did, when you control the source of the data it always looks the way you want it to.
The other day, while riding my unicorn on Rainbow Avenue, amidst a shower of sugar and spices I turned to my nest-partner, Ishtar, and pointed out all the twinkles and sparkles that magically filled the air; the volcano erupting chocolate; a chai latte river; faeries flitting about the forest primeval and narwhals surfacing in the Turquoise Sea.
Then, she revealed to me the source: Obama was holding another campaign rally and all was right with the world!
And we all lived haplessly ever after.
THE END.
You had me at 'twinkles'.
Here. let me help.
http://www.thinkgeek.com/caffeine/wacky-edibles/e5a7/
And now... the rrrrest of the story:
After Obama's socio-economic policies began to take effect:
1) Ishtar lost her assembly line job at the yard gnome factory;
2) We forfeited having Gaia One Health insurance because premiums increased too dramatically under Obamacare and the yard gnome factory would no longer be around to cover half the cost;
3) The volcano stopped erupting and our river dried up because the La-La Land EPA determined chocolate to be a pollutant and native fish species were threatened by the spices, sugar and milk in chai latte;
4) Faeries jumped at the chance to serve openly when war was declared on the candy industry;
5) When my 120 months of unemployment benefits ran out, we got really hungry so we bludgeoned my unicorn to death and ate him, sharing him with the rest of those living in our Obamaville tent city.
6) To earn a living, we've taken to narwhal hunting in the Turquoise sea.
Well, it's a good thing that you got rid of the unicorn -- I hear that unicorn farts contribute to AGW (Assholes Getting Wealthy).
You two - Ruben and Perlcat - should host the I Hate The Media radio hour. A few of the regulars here could do some field reports or other support work for you.
That'd be a hoot.
I prefer "Blow up Barrack" to the left here - seems more fitting.