I HATE THE MEDIA ™

NYT executive editor reportedly canned in part because … she wanted to be paid as much as her male predecessor. “…if you’ve been wondering what that mysterious smell is this afternoon, there’s your answer: It’s a Category Five sh*tstorm on the horizon, moving at ferocious speed towards America’s most famous liberal newspaper.” The world awaits Barry’s tweet on this…

Egad, Ben Affleck’s Batman will be driving a hybrid. Because, as everyone knows, it is most crucial for caped crusaders, when battling evildoers, to reduce their carbon footprint.

French Foreign Minister: “500 days to avoid climate chaos”. Global warming, climate change, climate disruption and now, climate chaos… what happens then, their Thesauruses explode?

$1.2 billion Obamacare contract pays workers to do nothing. “The center for Medicare and Medicaid issued this preposterous statement: ‘Serco [the contractor] is committed to making sure federal funds are spent appropriately.'” Guess it depends on what your definition of “appropriately” is.

A crack-smoking daughter and a Mexican-American wife detained at customs for lying about $19k in clothes and jewelery: Why Jeb Bush might not run for president. We don’t know what his wife’s heritage has to do with this (it’s the DM’s headline not our’s) but hey, way to pick those RINO winners Rove!

Russia kills off International Space Station programme saying it won’t co-operate with Nasa because of sanctions imposed over seizure of Crimea from Ukraine. Perhaps Obama can negotiate a deal with Iran to have them fly an astronaut up instead of a monkey next time.

Karl Rove: Hillary may have brain damage. In our opinion this sounds like a case of it takes one to know one.

In 2010 Mark Zuckerberg made a deal with Chris Christie and Cory Booker. The billionaire Facebook founder pledged $100 million dollars toward improving Newark, New Jersey’s floundering schools. Four years later, the report card is in.

Headlines Predicting Rapid Antarctic Ice Sheet Collapse Is All Scare Tactic. Eeeeeek! We’re all gonna drown! But not for a long time! We think we’ll start a charity called Feed the Starving Penguins and see how much moolah we can collect.

BLOOMBERG WRITER: BLACK REPUBLICANS ARE A ‘LOWER’ GROUP. This guy is equally, if not more racist sounding than Bundy and Sterling. Where’s the outcry? Where’s the ball-busters trying to get him fired? Where’s Obama?

Eleanor Clift: Ambassador Stevens wasn’t murdered; he died from “smoke inhalation”. Sure, it was smoke from a burning video, we imagine. If this is the best her media shills can do, it’s time to kiss “Hillary 2016” goo-bye.

IMF head Christine Lagarde withdraws from Smith College commencement. “Many of those who opposed Lagarde said they were attacking the IMF for being ‘a corrupt system’ that fuels the oppression and abuse of women worldwide.” Lagarde is a woman as is Condi Rice and Ayaan Hirsi Ali. Sounds like the modern “university” is also a corrupt system that fuels the oppression and abuse of women worldwide.

They’re Back! Solar Panels Now Atop The White House. Wow! The Dimbulb-in-Chief can power twenty-two 100-watt light bulbs for 20 hours a day! We wonder if they got a deal from Solyndra?

Dolphins player fined and suspended for politically incorrect tweet. After gay football player Michael Sam was drafted by the St. Louis Rams, Miami Dolphin player Don Jones tweeted “OMG” and then, later, “Horrible.” He will now undergo NFL-mandated sensitivity training – here’s hoping he’s still heterosexual when he comes back.

Climate gravest threat only in D.C. The country would be in a lot better shape if we could pick DC up and relocate it out to one of those islands that’s gonna tip over if we don’t act now on climate something something.

NYTimes notes return of polio, fails to mention that Muslims are the cause. Because the NYTimes is more about being politically correct than reporting the truth.

Mark Steyn suggests new hashtag for Michelle Obama. It’s much better than the one she’s been using but let’s face it: Mr. & Mrs. Obama lack the dignity and seriousness of character to understand why the White House fighting Nigerian Islamic terrorists with a Twitter hashtag is embarrassing.

Obamacare Myth-Making. “Five phony success stories.” [Sniff, sniff] We smell well-creased pants burning. Again.

Obama administration’s Benghazi strategy isn’t intended for the country at large so much as it is for the Washington press corps. That’s who most of Zero’s political Kabuki dances are directed at these days. The “press” corps are the only ones still listening to him and he knows they’ll carry his water.

Kadena Air Base: We could take Godzilla. Military preparedness under “transformative” Obama: Godzilla and climate change, they’ve got covered. Embassy attacks, not so much. We’ve been living in a comic book the last 6 years.

This is why you can’t have a TV dating show in a Muslim country. In Turkey, a contestant on a show called The Luck of The Draw admitted killing his previous wife and killing a previous girlfriend. Our two favorite lines from the story:

“Calinak said he had eloped with his first wife, who was also his cousin, when they both were 17…”

And, with regard to the girlfriend:

“I killed her after she tried to kill me. She was accidentally killed when I swung the ax.”

There are rumblings Bill Clinton may apologize to wife, Lewinsky. “The rationale? To fend off critics of his wife Hillary who blame her for protecting a powerful husband who is a sexual predator.” Political performance art. What difference does it make?

Obama’s Nigerian debacle and the media’s complicity. “…notwithstanding news reports claiming that, ‘A U.S. INTERAGENCY TEAM’ is on the ground in Nigeria helping look for the lost girls, nobody is actually there.” “The only substantive action taken so far by the Obama team is the First Lady’s tweet.” Tweets are basically all these bird-brains have.

Coldest. Year. Ever. Through May 6, this has been the coldest year in U.S. history. Almost certainly, this has been caused by Global Warming. Somehow. (The smart people will be along shortly to explain, so we can feel properly guilty.)

NBC editors have done it again. The backroom propagandists at NBC edited video of a Vermont maple syrup farmer who was complaining about the long cold winter and its effect on syrup production. By the time editors were done, it sounded like the farmer was saying the weather has been too warm.