Tag: massage

Two new Al Gore sex scandals: More hotel massage therapists accuse him of inappropriate behavior

Pardon our schadenfreude, but there’s nothing more enjoyable than seeing a pompous buffoon get pricked by his own…uhhhh…prick. That’s the situation Al Gore finds himself in today.

al gore sexual assault-accusations
"Whew! It's getting hot in here. Maybe I should take my pants off."

Pardon our schadenfreude, but there’s nothing more enjoyable than seeing a pompous buffoon get pricked by his own…uhhhh…prick. That’s the situation Al Gore finds himself in today.

Naturally, it’s the National Enquirer that has the exclusive:

The ENQUIRER reports in an exclusive bombshell that police have investigated charges from TWO MORE WOMEN who claimed they were abused by former VP AL GORE!



The allegations come hot on the heels of an ongoing Portland, Ore., police investigation that reopened after The ENQUIRER exclusively revealed accusations by a licensed massage therapist who says Gore groped her in 2006.



The ENQUIRER recently uncovered shocking allegations, from two other massage therapists.



The first incident allegedly took place at a Beverly Hills luxury hotel when Gore, 62, was in Hollywood to attend the Oscars in 2007. 



The second reportedly occurred a year later at a hotel in Tokyo.

 A Beverly Hills hotel source told The ENQUIRER: 


“The therapist claimed that when they were alone, Gore shrugged off a towel and stood naked in front of her. 



“He pointed at his erect penis and ordered her, ‘Take care of THIS.'”

Who ever would have thought that Al Gore would have more sex scandals than Bill Clinton.

Source: National Enquirer

How the hell did we miss these quotes from Al Gore’s masseuse?

Damn it. That’s what we get for skimming over the police statement made by Al Gore’s masseuse. The Washington Examiner pulled two quotes that we somehow overlooked.

al-gore-chakra
Euphemism alert: Al Gore needs to have his chakra released

Damn it. That’s what we get for skimming over the police statement made by Al Gore’s masseuse. The Washington Examiner pulled two quotes that we somehow overlooked.

Please allow us to correct that oversight by quoting the Examiner.

Quote #1: Chakra to me, chakra to me, chakra to me

Then, abruptly, the former vice president changed tone. It was “as though he had very suddenly switched personalities,” she recalled and began in a pleading tone, pleading for release of his second chakra there.”

“Chakra,” in Gore’s new-agey jargon, refers to the body’s “energy centers,” which the masseuse interpreted as having a specific meaning. “This was yet another euphemism for sexual activity he was requesting,” she told police, “put cleverly as though it were a spiritual request or something.”

Quote #2: Just suck it up

Finally she got away. Later, she talked to friends, liberals like herself, who advised against telling police. One asked her “to just suck it up; otherwise, the world’s going to be destroyed from global warming.”

Thanks, Mr. Former Vice President. Looks like you not only invented the internet, you invented funny.

Source: Washington Examiner

The complete Al Gore sexual assault police report

Read the complete Al Gore sexual assault police report here.

Here’s the complete Portland Police Department report on the sexual assault complaint against Al Gore.

Maybe he should have stuck with some of the surefire pick-up lines that have worked so well for him in the past. Like, “Global warming ain’t nothin’ compared to the warming in my pants, baby” or “Have you ever wanted to see what a hanging chad really looks like?” or “You know, I’m from Tennessee and I’d sure like to go down south with you” or “If you’re real nice to me, I’ll let you polish my Oscar.”

Use the “Full” button at the bottom to read full screen

Use the “Full” button at the bottom to read full screen

Al Gore Sex Scandal: Four words we never thought we’d see in the same sentence

The news of an Al Gore sex scandal broke hot and heavy yesterday afternoon. Even hotter and heavier, apparently, than the action in Al Gore’s Portland hotel room.

al gore massage sex scandal
Saving the world from global warming is hard work. Your muscles get tense. You need relief. Special relief, if you know what we mean.

The news of an Al Gore sex scandal broke hot and heavy yesterday afternoon. Even hotter and heavier, apparently, than the action in Al Gore’s Portland hotel room.

First the National Enquirer broke this story:

ENQUIRER WORLD EXCLUSIVE: AL GORE has been accused of sexually attacking a masseuse in Portland, Oregon – and is named in the official police report about the alleged assault, The ENQUIRER has learned exclusively!

The bombshell story will appear in the new issue of The ENQUIRER and will include the secret police documents, a photo of the woman making the stunning charges and will reveal the shocking details about the pants she saved as evidence!

Our investigative team uncovered the amazing story just weeks after the former Vice President announced that he and wife TIPPER were ending their 40-year marriage – amidst reports she suspected her husband was involved with “a gorgeous massage therapist.”

We have verified the 62-year-old former VP was in Portland at the time of the alleged incident – Oct. 24, 2006 – and we saw the $540 massage bill.

If you’re not inclined to believe the Enquirer, despite its record of breaking sex scandal stories, maybe you’ll believe the Portland Police Department.

The Oregonian verified the Enquirer’s story with this item:

The Multnomah County District Attorney’s Office confirmed today that a woman who alleged unwanted sexual contact by Al Gore reported it to police in 2006, and the prosecutor’s office was briefed by the Portland Police Bureau in late 2006 and January 2007.

“We were told the woman was not willing to be interviewed by the Portland Police Bureau and did not want a criminal investigation to proceed,’’ Multnomah County District Attorney Michael Schrunk said, in a prepared statement.

Can you imagine how perfect this story will be if the masseuse was wearing a blue dress and there’s DNA involved.

Source: National Enquirer, Oregonian

This will rub a lot of people the wrong way: Millions of stimulus dollars going to massage schools

Maybe it’s a good idea to give all our tax dollars to massage schools. Because at the rate we’re going, we’re all going to need a nice, relaxing massage.

Maybe it’s a good idea to give all our tax dollars to massage schools. Because at the rate we’re going, we’re all going to need a nice, relaxing massage.

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution has the deep tissue details:

Massage and beauty schools, online universities and other for-profit colleges in Georgia and across the nation are cashing in on federal stimulus spending, collecting $2.2 billion in tuition grants for low-income students, public records show.

That represents nearly a quarter of the stimulus money spent on these grants to date.

In Georgia alone, millions of dollars are going to massage schools and beauty schools. Lord only knows how much is being spread around the rest of the country.

Because of how the government is tracking the stimulus spending, it’s impossible to break it down precisely by state. But the records show profit-making schools that have campuses or corporate headquarters in Georgia have received more than $550 million of these stimulus funds.

Among them are University of Phoenix, American InterContinental University, Royal Beauty Careers and Atlanta School of Massage. Beauty and massage schools with ties to Georgia have received $3.3 million through the stimulus program alone.

There may be stimulus involved, but this will not be a happy ending massage.

Source: Atlanta Journal-Constitution

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