I weep for my hometown. I was born and raised in San Bernardino. My parents and sister are buried there. Until I went away to college, we lived a Mayberry existance on our family farm on South Waterman Avenue, a mere three blocks from the scene of today’s shooting. Unfortunately, San Bernardino has devolved from an idyllic small town to a hellhole engulfed in smog, filled with meth labs, gangs,and corrupt politicians, and populated by multi-generation welfare leeches. I weep for the good people who were killed and their families, none of whom deserved this tragic fate. I can only hope that no one I knew all those years ago was one of today’s victims.
Sydney, Australia: “Just some enigmatic dude” – The Muslim protection racket isn’t just an American phenomenon. We just saw a newscaster say the 15-year old Aussie police killer “was on his way home”. Unfortunately, she neglected to mention that he was on his way home from his radical mosque. Oh, well, the news is a lot more fun on our round-the-world blog. Follow it at JimandJamie.com.
British TV is soooo different than American TV – You can learn so much about a foreign country by watching its television shows. Tonight we’re looking forward to these Brit classics: 8:00 – The Simpsons, 8:30 – Big Bang Theory, 9:00 – NCIS, 10:00 – The Bachelorette. Follow our round-the-world adventures at JimandJamie.com.
The toughest part of being a foreign correspondent. Hey, call me a crummy foreign correspondent, but we’ve been in Switzerland for the last ten days and these people have the temerity to speak French, German and Italian, but NOT English. How’s a guy supposed to know what’s in the news when he can’t speak the language? Oh, well, we’ll be in England tomorrow, where they speak English, but not American. Check out our crazy adventures at JimandJamie.com.
IHTM FOREIGN CORRESPONDENT: Blatant corruption in the Senate. Hey, wait, this corruption is in Canada’s Senate. It’s universal. And when I say universal I mean that when we finally contact life somewhere else in the universe, we’ll find out that its government is corrupt, too. IHTM readers can follow our foreign travels at JimandJamie.com.
Illegal alien swims out of the United States. Canada’s aflutter about a “poor” Somalian who spent $12,000 traveling through Ethiopia, Brazil, Central America, Mexico and into the United States. Then, in an illegal alien first, he kept going and dogpaddled across the river from North Dakota into Canada. Maybe we can solve America’s problem by convincing other illegal aliens to follow his example. IHTM readers are gleefully invited to follow the Editor’s foreign travels at JimandJamie.com.
A quick note from the founder and former Editor of IHTM. Mrs. Editor and I just began a crazy six month trip around the world. Think of me as IHTM’s first foreign correspondent because I’ll be sending in wacky stories from wherever this trip takes us. I hope KimmyQueen, CO2Insanity, J.P Travis, Kip Hooker, Sidekick, NotSoSilent, Perlcat, Progressive Hemrrhoid, Matthew S. Harrison, and all the other regulars will join us daily at JimandJamie.com in addition to reading our stories here at IHTM.
George Clooney calls global warming deniers “silly” and “ridiculous”. One more comment on the C02’s Clooney story. Mrs Editor, who reads all the Hollywood gossip websites, tells me that Clooney was dumped by Stacy Keebler because he wasn’t interested in having sex with her often enough. Who you callin’ silly and ridiculous, Clooney?
Exclusive video of President Obama pivoting to jobs. This, unfortunately, is what happens when you follow one pivot with another and another and another and another ad infinitum. Unfortunately, while the Commander in Chief is chasing his tail, the economy is playing rolling over and playing dead.
The Japanese can be a very strange people. This may be the strangest first paragraph ever written: “Japanese police have arrested the alleged ringleader of a sex home-delivery service specialising in women weighing up to 150 kilograms (330 lbs), a spokesman said.” Just one question: Was it a spokesman for the police or for the 330-pound women?
Exclusive: Keith Olbermann’s father-in-law to become his mother-in-law. Can’t believe no one in the mainstream media has reported this yet. Remember Katy Tur, Olby’s hot little girlfriend? Well, Katy’s father is about to become her mother. Bob Tur, a former Los Angeles air traffic reporter who came to fame during O.J. Simpson’s freeway chase, just announced that he’s taking hormone therapy and will undergo sex change surgery. Holy crap! Could Olbermann’s life get any weirder? This story comes to us on a tip from another famous L.A. radio personality who just happens to be one of the Editor’s college buddies. To quote my buddy, “He’s a dick. But not for long.” And that, my friends, is where Tur differs from Olbermann. Here’s a video of Katy dirty dancing. At least we think it’s Katy. For all we know it’s her father … uhhhh … or her mother. Whatever.
What did Harry Reid know and when did he know it? Remember this video clip from the 2012 Presidential election? At the time, everyone assumed ol’ Harry was just making it all up. Now you have to wonder if someone from the IRS was leaking info to the Democrats. Of course, it turned out that Mitt had paid plenty of taxes, but the truth doesn’t matter to Harry. It’s the accusation that counts.
Don’t forget to celebrate “International Clitoris Awareness Week”. Well, there’s a headline we never thought we’d see on IHateTheMedia.com. Or anywhere else, for that matter. The sponsoring organization is called Clitoraid. Seriously. Quite honestly, I’m afraid to make any further comments about this event. But the comment section is open for business.
Th-th-th-that’s Allah, folks. Sheikh Mohammed Al Areefi, a prominent Saudi cleric, is livid that a Saudi TV channel aired a cartoon starring a pig. “The cartoon film shown on that channel is trivial and has no educational or cultural benefit as it involved a pig as its star,” Al Areefi tweeted. We feel the same way about anything starring Kim Kardashian.
How to kick a terrorist’s ass. Have you noticed all the articles that say Dzhokhar Tsarnaev was “a high school wrestler”? Turns out it’s kind of like saying Chris Matthews is “a professional journalist”. A kid who actually wrestled Tsarnaev has posted this hilarious video of the match.
WARNING #1: EXTREME LANGUAGE
WARNING #2: EXTREME ASS KICKING
The worst TV promo ever: “Only we have the exclusive video of Jesus being whipped.” Mrs Editor is watching Entertainment Tonight and I just heard the blonde bimbette deliver the worst — the absolute worst — promo ever. “Coming up next: Only we have the exclusive video of Jesus being whipped.” Seriously. I think the line was delivered by the hostette below, but they all look alike, so who knows?
Australian store to charge people $5 for browsing. At first we thought this was the stupidest idea we’d ever heard. Then we saw the brilliance of the concept. So from now on we’d appreciate it if you would automatically send $5 to us every time you browse IHTM. Twenty thousand pages views a day times five bucks equals $100,000 per day. That would not only pay for our monthly server fee, but would leave enough to pay for the Administrator’s kids’ college loans and the Editor’s severe almond milk habit. Browse, baby, browse. And give ’til it hurts.
Smoke signal say, “White man pissing away heap big money.” The free government cell phone program gets worse and worse. Turns out that cell phone companies get paid $9.25 per month for most of the phones, but they get $25 per month for cell phones provided to Native Americans living on tribal lands. Honest freakin’ Injun.
Dickheads studying duck dicks. We’re flat broke. Tapped out. But “The National Science Foundation (NSF) has awarded a $384,949 grant to Yale University for a study on “Sexual Conflict, Social Behavior and the Evolution of Waterfowl Genitalia…” Let us save you some money. Duck dicks are small. That’s why you’ve never heard anyone say, “That guy’s hung like a duck.” (By the way, if you want to see some really crazy stuff, do a Google image search for “duck” and “penis”. WTF?)
Hugo Chavez: Rotten in life, even more rotten in death. So sad. So very, very sad. The Venezuelan government had announced that ol’ Hugo would be embalmed and placed on permanent display a la Lenin. Unfortunately, officials waited just a little too long to begin the embalming process and now the former strongman is stronger than ever. Pungent, in fact. Speaking of which, has anyone seen Frank Lautenberg lately?
“Paul Ryan’s Budget, Simplified: Save the Rich, Spare the Old, Forget the Poor”. This is apparently what passes for impartial news at Yahoo. Any questions about why this website is named IHateTheMedia.com?
California politician proposes email tax to fund post office. Another California genius. If this Brainiac had been around in 1910 he could have proposed a tax on autos to fund horses.