President Obama earned himself a Native American name last week. It’s a doozy. The Crow Nation dubbed him “One Who Helps People Throughout the Land.” Here’s our list of 20 more.
President Obama earned himself a Native American name last week. It’s a doozy.
DailyCaller.com has news of the new Native American nomenclature:
President Obama said Thursday that the United States will sign a United Nations non-binding declaration on the rights of indigenous peoples, a move that advocates called another step in improving Washington’s relationship with Native Americans.
Unfortunately, they don't make a headdress big enough to fit Chief He Who Smoke Peace Pipe While Enemy Sharpen Tomahawk
Obama announced the decision during the second White House Tribal Conference, where he said he is “working hard to live up to” the name that was given to him by the Crow Nation: “One Who Helps People Throughout the Land.”
That’s all well and good, but it seems to us that if the Crow Nation had given a little more thought to President Obama’s personality and actual accomplishments, they could have come up with some other names that are more appropriate for the man. Such as:
Chief Laughing Pork
Chief Born In Three Places
Chief Bow to Other Chiefs
Chief Shitting Bull
Chief Lost His House
Chief Hide-behind-Bush
Chief Talk With Machine
Chief Deer in Headlights
Chief Blabbering Stream
Chief Running Mouth
Chief Who Spend Wampum Like Drunken Kardashian Sister
Chief One Term
Chief Who Love Own Reflection In Pool
Chief Spread Other People’s Wampum
Chief Never Stop Running
Chief Peacemaker Who Start Class Warfare
Chief Double Talker (shortened from the literal translation: “Chief Who Talk Out of Both Sides of Mouth”)
Chief Who Speaks With Forked Teleprompter
Chief Who Chase Little White Ball While World Burn
Chief He Who Smoke Peace Pipe While Enemy Sharpen Tomahawk
Don’t thank us, Crow Nation. We’re here for our red brothers.
