Native Americans give Obama an Indian name. We give him 20 others.

by editor on December 21, 2010

President Obama earned himself a Native American name last week. It’s a doozy. has news of the new Native American nomenclature:

President Obama said Thursday that the United States will sign a United Nations non-binding declaration on the rights of indigenous peoples, a move that advocates called another step in improving Washington’s relationship with Native Americans.


Unfortunately, they don't make a headdress big enough to fit Chief He Who Smoke Peace Pipe While Enemy Sharpen Tomahawk

Obama announced the decision during the second White House Tribal Conference, where he said he is “working hard to live up to” the name that was given to him by the Crow Nation: “One Who Helps People Throughout the Land.”

That’s all well and good, but it seems to us that if the Crow Nation had given a little more thought to President Obama’s personality and actual accomplishments, they could have come up with some other names that are more appropriate for the man. Such as:

  1. Chief Laughing Pork
  2. Chief Born In Three Places
  3. Chief Bow to Other Chiefs
  4. Chief Shitting Bull
  5. Chief Lost His House
  6. Chief Hide-behind-Bush
  7. Chief Talk With Machine
  8. Chief Deer in Headlights
  9. Chief Blabbering Stream
  10. Chief Running Mouth
  11. Chief Who Spend Wampum Like Drunken Kardashian Sister
  12. Chief One Term
  13. Chief Who Love Own Reflection In Pool
  14. Chief Spread Other People’s Wampum
  15. Chief Never Stop Running
  16. Chief Peacemaker Who Start Class Warfare
  17. Chief Double Talker (shortened from the literal translation: “Chief Who Talk Out of Both Sides of Mouth”)
  18. Chief Who Speaks With Forked Teleprompter
  19. Chief Who Chase Little White Ball While World Burn
  20. Chief He Who Smoke Peace Pipe While Enemy Sharpen Tomahawk

Don’t thank us, Crow Nation. We’re here for our red brothers.


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22 Comments on "Native Americans give Obama an Indian name. We give him 20 others."

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December 21, 2010 8:41 am

Chief No Balls
Chief Vacation
Chief Golf All the Time

Dee Mac
December 21, 2010 8:47 am

We just honor him every time one of our dogs does their business then we go out and clean up all the “Barack” in the yard.

They used to be “Hillarys”, but since she has been neutered, it is no fun.

December 21, 2010 8:55 am

Chief Walking Eagle,

Too full of Sh*t to fly.

December 21, 2010 9:09 am

They left part of it out.

“Crow Nation: “One Who Helps People Throughout the Land…..WITH GIFT OF FREE BLANKET WINK WINK”

December 21, 2010 9:09 am

This has got to be one of the funniest articles I’ve read on this blogsite to date: Chief who thinkum own shit don’t smell.

December 21, 2010 9:12 am

Old Indian Saying. Quite appropriate even today.
Only someone from the government can cut 2 feet off the bottom of a blanket, then sew it on the the top of the blanket and claim to have added 2 feet to the blanket.

Elrond Hubbard
December 21, 2010 10:29 am

Chief Dances With Radicals
Chief Bows Too Low
Chief Blame Bush
Chief Many Vacations
Chief Takes a Shellacking

December 21, 2010 10:40 am

“The Crows were always sucking up to the white man.”
— Little Big Man

December 21, 2010 11:22 am

The picture was clearly of Chief Reacharound.

December 21, 2010 11:42 am

Chief Hung Like A Ken Doll
Chief Wife Wears The Pants
Chief Of The 57 Tribes
Chief Bedwetter
Chief Sneaks A Smoke
Chief Who Gives Queen Ipod

December 21, 2010 2:51 pm

Chief F@$K-Up.

December 21, 2010 3:00 pm

Chief Mohammad

December 23, 2010 1:00 pm

The disputes over the land have always been the most difficult ones when it comes to deciding about who it belongs to. And it can be further complicated when the issue of religion is involved as it is the case in many parts of the world where conflicts have arisen almost every day.

December 23, 2010 2:45 pm

Thank you Mr. 60 Minutes…


Bob Porrazzo
December 24, 2010 6:06 am


December 24, 2010 2:33 pm

How about: Chief who ruins own country. Chief who is laughed at by other chiefs. Chief who dances with penis tucked between legs. Chief who takes wampum from warriors and gives to lazy ones with fanny-packs. Chief whose squaw can fit whole potato in mouth. Chief who lets warriors look at other warriors junk. Chief who takes three deerskin for every fire in tee-pee. Chief who makes own country angry. Chief who blows smoke out of ass.