We found a guy at NPR who doesn’t like Andrew Breitbart. Jack White’s a writer. One of those writers who writes and endlessly rewrites his words until he’s absolutely certain that the dolts who read them will say, “This guy sure is smart.” His goal isn’t to educate or elucidate, but to impress others with his own education and intellect.
We, of course, are mere bloggers, but we highly recommend that White enter the first sentence of his Breitbart article in the 2011 Edward George Earle Lytton Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest that honors bad opening sentences. We think he has a real shot at taking home the 2012 prize.
Without further delay, here is how White started his article at bias-free NPR.org:
It’s a pity that the 19th-century Austrian novelist Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach was not still around this week to witness a spectacular vindication of her most famous aphorism: Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.
That old adage applies to Andrew Breitbart, the right-wing-media hit man previously best known for manufacturing a charge of racism that forced the heroic Shirley Sherrod to resign from the Department of Agriculture and for publicizing a highly edited sting videotape supposedly showing employees at the now defunct community organization ACORN advising a prostitute on how to avoid paying taxes. His track record establishes that Breitbart’s grasp of the facts is no firmer than Sarah Palin’s command of American history.
But in, er, exposing the eponymously named Rep. Anthony Weiner, Breitbart finally managed to hit his target. It will be a relief when Weiner finally realizes that he should resign from Congress and devote himself to his pregnant wife. He is an embarrassment.
Ahhh, yes. We, too, love 19th century Austrian novelists. The eponymously named Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach is one of our particular favorites. We can’t begin to tell you how many hours we’ve spent chortling at her droll observations on the human condition. Her aphorisms never cease to delight, just as Jack White’s words never ceases to annoy.
Sadly, we’re unable to quote any 19th century Austrian novelists, but to paraphrase the words of the Editor’s 20th century Dutch farmer father, “Jack White is the south end of a horse going north.”
Source: NPR.org, Bulwer-Lytton.com
This post was last modified on June 25, 2011
View Comments (24)
I wonder if Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach wrote in Austrian (her native language). :)
I am reading Demonic by Ann Coulter and she suggests that Jack White is the pseudonym of Keith Olbermann. Liberals really have to be the lowest form of human life as they pretend to care about people while trashing and lying about anyone who disagrees with them.
Olby is too out there to be going by another name. He is a prolific Twitter tweeter, & he does'nt hide who he is there. The rest of your post is correct though.
To be fair to Ann, she was definitely being sarcastic. BTW, have you seen the back cover of Demonic? Ann looks better than ever!
She is aging quite nicely, she will turn 50 on December 8.
Notice how the erudite Mr. White managed to include a totally gratuitious swipe at Sarah Palin, thus managing to sneer at two conservatives in one column. BTW Sarah's grasp of history (the Paul Revere controversy) was better than the condescending Mr. White's. As Bugs Bunny would say, "What a maroon!".
Translation-I don't much like people who show up my associates and cohorts for what they are.
OH NO! Not another "translation" ;)
"NPR is full of haughty fags" - Herman Melville
Yeah, he was always out there trying to bag the white whale, Moby Dickless Moore, so I kind of expected that from him.
Since we're getting into farm quotes "why are there always more horses asses than there are horses?" Sounds like a good description of White.
It gives me great pleasure to have called my local NPR station during one of their endless fund raising scamathons and pledge $100,000. I confess how I have I listened for years without paying my fair share and 100K is just a small way I can ever repay NPR for all those years of enlightened programming. I wait for the appropriate gasp on the other end and then I say just kidding and hang up.
Oh no you didn't!!! You are my hero.
If White’s interested in Austrian writers perhaps he should try Mises and Hayek.
I think he's more of a Keith Olbermann, or maybe Sissy Spacek type of guy
LOL, very true.
If White's interested in Austrian writers perhaps he should try Mises and Hayek.
What's the difference between Andrew Breitbart and Jack White?
People have heard of Breitbart.
Exactly. I have never heard of THIS Jack White. I have heard of the Jack White from the White Stripes. He is lame and will always be lame.
I'm sure whether Breitbart has heard of him or not, but I'm certain the feeling's mutual.
For those who don't know...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=duZBYrokqPw
...& yes, it's only 2 people.
Ok, they suck! My daughter played the drums better at the age of 2 than that girl does now.
Seriously, who is Jack White? I've never heard of him. Should I know who he is?
Nah he is a nobody. I am not even sure his own family cares.
Psychodad!! How could you possibly say anything negative about the National PUBIC Radio? It's a channel you obviously can't find on your radio (nor mine!) To be honest, when I read the name "Jack White", I thought he was the actor in the original Hawaii 5-0 TV show!. Shows you how into this I am!
Remember! Our tax dollars fund NPR (and the two NEAs, all three, IMHO, should be shuttered with ACORN, for the same reasons!)