We found a guy at NPR who doesn’t like Andrew Breitbart. Jack White’s a writer. One of those writers who writes and endlessly rewrites his words until he’s absolutely certain that the dolts who read them will say, “This guy sure is smart.” His goal isn’t to educate or elucidate, but to impress others with his own education and intellect.
We, of course, are mere bloggers, but we highly recommend that White enter the first sentence of his Breitbart article in the 2011 Edward George Earle Lytton Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest that honors bad opening sentences. We think he has a real shot at taking home the 2012 prize.
Without further delay, here is how White started his article at bias-free NPR.org:
It’s a pity that the 19th-century Austrian novelist Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach was not still around this week to witness a spectacular vindication of her most famous aphorism: Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.
That old adage applies to Andrew Breitbart, the right-wing-media hit man previously best known for manufacturing a charge of racism that forced the heroic Shirley Sherrod to resign from the Department of Agriculture and for publicizing a highly edited sting videotape supposedly showing employees at the now defunct community organization ACORN advising a prostitute on how to avoid paying taxes. His track record establishes that Breitbart’s grasp of the facts is no firmer than Sarah Palin’s command of American history.
But in, er, exposing the eponymously named Rep. Anthony Weiner, Breitbart finally managed to hit his target. It will be a relief when Weiner finally realizes that he should resign from Congress and devote himself to his pregnant wife. He is an embarrassment.
Ahhh, yes. We, too, love 19th century Austrian novelists. The eponymously named Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach is one of our particular favorites. We can’t begin to tell you how many hours we’ve spent chortling at her droll observations on the human condition. Her aphorisms never cease to delight, just as Jack White’s words never ceases to annoy.
Sadly, we’re unable to quote any 19th century Austrian novelists, but to paraphrase the words of the Editor’s 20th century Dutch farmer father, “Jack White is the south end of a horse going north.”