10. While American women want their men to be more powerful than a locomotive, they are not so fond of them being faster than a speeding bullet.
9. He was afraid he’d be caught lighting Cuban cigars with his x-ray vision.
8. Impossible to find a phone booth in the United States anymore.
7. Drunken bet with Aquaman. Barely remembers getting a tattoo of Wonder Woman on ass, too.
6. To avoid all those odd passport questions about his foreskin.
5. This “Citizen of the World” thing is a great line for picking up hippy chicks.
4. Lois Lane just converted to Islam.
3. Getting an American birth certificate is a bitch!
2. There are certain parts of Berlin where no one judges you for wearing calf high boots or your underwear on the outside of your pants.
1. He’s tired of people asking him if he can see Sarah Palin’s house from the Fortress of Solitude.
– Contributors: Sven Waring, JJJRO
This post was last modified on May 1, 2011
View Comments (33)
Et tu, Superman?
It's all those years of wearing too-tight underwear. Cut off all circulation to his LowerBrain, poor guy lost all his masculinity, and so now has to join the Metrosexual parade.
The real downside to all this? When he's flying, assless chap sunburn.
according to the comic superman is accused of causing an international incident. how can he fight for freedom, justice, and peace if a lot of country's view him as a threat from America. he does not want to represent just one flag and for a superhero its the best choice. I dont know if you noticed but America isnt all sunshine and rainbows. there was a time where we invaded other country's and took the land. so Americas freedom, justice and peace is only for the American people. Our reasons of being in the middle east are not to make a democracy.
Whatever... all I know is this: Soldiers cleaned up and "properly" buried a mad mass murderer instead of putting his head on a spike. Me? Head on a spike at least I would have had to seriously battle the temptation of putting his head on a spike. Who the heck has that amount of discipline and ability to do the "right thing"? People who are exceptional even in the face of temptation to end up doing the right thing. I mean yes, giving him a "proper" burial is the right thing, but heck I will tell you right now I feel no love for Osama and I will have not minded having some bacon fat around and rub it all over his damned body. Again at least tempted. I am thinking that despite imperfections the US and Americans (especially those in the military) are still exceptional in nature. I chose to believe that we can be better (and that we are better) instead of dwelling on the mistakes of the past.
Well, logic, there are problems with your statements.
First off, you can't go believing every detractor of the US. Some may have a legitimate complaint, but others are just jealous. So, if you want to be truly logical, you have to compare the sum total of what and who we are against the sum total of the people doing the complaining. Most of them come up far short -- their sole basis for hatred of our country has more to do with envy than anything that we are doing that is worse than what they are doing.
Your "there was a time..." statement is also a fallacy. There is not a single group of people at any point in history that is wholly blameless. That's because people are human. Mistakes are made. However, while we make mistakes, I would like to point out that our successes far outweigh the times we've failed. I for one will not feel guilty because someone living in a kleptocracy is jealous of our success, and wishes to place blame upon us, rather than upon the true source of their unhappiness. I know what they're doing. It is disgusting.
They have the same opportunities as the US does to succeed -- but they'd rather bitch about American success, implying that it is somehow ill-gotten and therefore undeserved. The finest and best resource our nation has is its people. That is the source of our success, not good fortune or luck with the minerals. I cannot be held responsible for a nation not valuing their people, choosing to steal their wealth and ability to produce in favor of greater governmental control.
As far as our not being in the middle east to make a democracy? Of course we're not there to do that. While Bush did want that, I cannot see how a nation can have a democracy forced or imposed upon them -- a democracy is something that you have to fight for yourself, or you will not prize it appropriately. We are in the middle east to preserve our interests.
Our leaders should grow a pair and admit that. Until then, people *do* wonder why we are there. If they know the way to get us to leave them alone is to leave us alone, they'll do that (as long as we have the means to make it so). If we send mixed messages about imposing democracy, I can certainly see why they would hate us. Like I said, you have to *want* a democracy first.
Our nation has turned time and again from the opportunity to become an empire. Part of the "empire-building" accusation has more to do with our friendly association with nations that have engaged in that in the past. Not a new accusation. We don't live in a vacuum -- and our choices taken when we had the opportunity overwhelmingly show that we as a nation do not want to build an empire. However, the Democrat infatuation with and overall trend towards a large national government means that we will eventually face such charges legitimately. A truly constitutional US government has no desire or capability to expand through conquest. Don't get me wrong there -- RINO's also are part of that problem, and must be stopped as well.
What a load of crap. You have been drinking deeply of the kool-aid. We are the only country to ever give land back to it's people after a war (mexico). At the height of power, every other country has tried to conquer the world (Germany, Japan, Russia.....). Where do you liberal morons get this imperialist BS from? If we wanted it we could take it by force, but we don't. In case YOU haven't noticed, America is the best chance people have for unlimited liberty and prosperity on the face of the earth. The world beats a path to our door for this reason. We are unique, and if ignorant socialists like you had your way, this country would look and feel just like the third world shit holes that you and your ilk accuse America of being!
so overall I guess what you people are saying is that only American's deserves freedom, justice and peace.
No. Freedom, justice and peace are bought and paid for with lives, not bestowed. America doesn't "deserve" those things any more than the rest of the world, BUT WE HAVE EARNED IT and want to protect it. You can't give the rest of the world any of those things. Until those people want it and take it for themselves they will continue to suffer no matter how much aid you send them.
I guess WW1, WW2, the Cold War, South Korea, Iraqi Freedom, and all the US military bases in the free world are saying that only American’s deserves freedom, justice, and peace.. Overall I'd say your being illogical. America fights for the free world and is proud of it. Superman was and still should be also.
Absolutely no one is saying that. He doesn't have to renounce anything or turn his back on the country that raised him in order to do the work that he wants to do. He can be the citizen of the world all he wants but dissing on the USA is unnecessary.
Attention, comic book writers who will do anything TO MAKE A BUCK: leave Captain America ALONE!
Stay tuned for next week, when Superman will convert to Islam.
Can you imagine how horrible that would be? Considering he was created with Moses (and Messiah) in mind by two Jewish men?
Superman is a cartoon character not a real person; who cares what his leftie creators do with him. Now if Mickey Mouse renounced his citizenship I'd really be shocked.
Anyway, Superman is no longer the Man of Steel, he's evolved into a bland metrosexual community organizer, crusading for green energy and the redistribution of income. He's Jimmy Carter in tights, a wimpy cartoonish version of a cartoon character.
I do not believe his ACTUAL creators where liberals perhaps yes, perhaps not, but it did not affect the obviously (at the time) rather conservative values that came with Superman. Overall for a very long time it was "understood" that Superman was a virgin as he became in love with Lois (who wasn't but that wasn't discussed fully). After a while his values started to change with the times. Including of course sleeping with girlfriends before Lois and of course sleeping with Lois before marriage. So I wouldn't say creators but I would say the increasing number of liberals in DC started to change Superman in a lot of ways. I am mad at the people in charge of his character. They took a symbol and tore it down. I guess looking up to someone pure, manly and powerful didn't appeal to a lot of people. That is strange to me.
Now as for him resembling Jimmy Carter, I don't know about that Jimmy Carter is ugly and rancid, at least Supes is tiiight. Although yes they are messing with his character way too much for my liking.
Mickey's hangin' so he can vote for Chicago's next mayor, any democrat in Dade Co., Florida, and multiple (vote early vote often) votes for the cartoon character presently occupying the White House.
You had me at "Jimmy Carter in tights" -- had me puking on the keyboard, that is...
Superman does not have an american citizenship, perhaps Clark Kent does although it is probably a forgery or maybe it is real, but based on forged adoption papers. It doesn't matter as it is no one's business.
Now as for SUPERMAN, himself, he was born on another planet and perhaps even a whole different quadrant of the universe. He is not American by birth and he is not a Earth human being. I find this plot to be stupid. All he has to do is state plain and simple that he was raised in the US and no one needs to know who he is when he is a normal citizen as it is no one's business, however even though he was raised in the United States he is after all not a US citizen nor US born person and his saving people is world wide and even universal as a member/partly founder of the Justice League. He does not correspond to any particular country's political policies. His methods are his own (and the Justice League's) and the JL and him are all about hero work no matter who it is and about standing for what they believe to be the right thing. So people taking his (and the JL's) actions as "American" are idiotic. He doesn't operate under any country's directive he just happen to be raised in the US under US freedoms and based on his own genetic material as well as his human education within the US it DOES frame what he things it is right and wrong, but it is not based on political or governmental policies.
I haven't read Superman in years, has anyone giving him actual citizenship? If yes he can say the above if not then what the heck is this crap about? This whole storyline is idiotic as well as Lex Luthor finding out who Superman is sans costume.
Overall it makes it look like he is hating the US and they framed this wrong. He shouldn't turn his back on the country that pretty much stood for what he wants to do. If Superman was raised in any other country who knows what type of person he would be, the point is that the US is exceptional and in addition to being raised by Salt of the Earth people just adds to Superman's exceptional morals and ideologies and how that affects the rest of the world.
as i recall, in the 1940's or early 50's (probably the 40's) he was given honorary citizenship by every nation then existing in the world; of course, he was already grown by then, and considered 'American' at the time.
what happened to that storyline i don't know. it might have gotten erased in the late 80's or early 90's as too unwieldy. around that time the DC canon was 'cleaned up' by killing off a lot of superheroes going back to the 40's, as well as increasingly complicated plotlines. this may have gone with them then.
He was awarded world wide citizenship then this storyline is even more stupid than I thought. Thanks for letting me know.
Your statement sounds good, but when you mentioned Justice League the first thing that popped to mind was, Social Justice!
Well that has nothing to do with the Justice League and like I said the JL has no political affiliation. Superman is one of the original founders.
I always did think he was a liberal softy. Batman has always been the sh**.
I have to agree with you that Batman is no punk. Superman was cool for a long time but then the liberals got a hold of him and now he has gone to crap. Smallville is a good example. I have actually come to hate that show.
He needs to change to a UN baby blue uniform and sit around and cry about the lies, injustice, and Anti-socialist American Way like the rest of the One World Order Socialist cry babies that hate the real Truth, Justice, and American Way.
Makes me want to puke.
We now know Superman's secret identity.................George Soros