Top ten things that must be banned to stop awful stuff from happening

If the liberal arbiters of tolerance are to be believed then the most natural response to a crazed leftist shooting a blue-dog Democrat is the suppression of the opinions they — the liberals — disagree with. Under the normal circumstances we might feel obliged to challenge this position.

For example, we might suggest that the free exchange of ideas is healthy to a democracy. Or that ideology did not lead to the shooting in Tucson. But we’ll suspend our pesky devotion to reason this go round. And instead we will present the following:

Our top ten things — other than thought, speech, emotions and expression — that must be banned if we are to stop awful stuff from happening.

Jodie Foster – John Hinkley shot Ronald Reagan and James Brady because he wanted to impress Jodie Foster. Jodie Foster must be banned.

Jews – Sirhan Sirhan assassinated RFK because he hated Jews. Jews must be banned.

Twinkies – Dan White’s over-indulgence in Twinkies caused him to kill Harvey Milk and George Moscone. Twinkies must be banned.

Love – Brutus knifed Julius Caesar in the balls because he loved Rome more. Love must be banned.

Gravity – All the passengers of Pan Am Flight 109 died when a bomb on their plane exploded and it fell in pieces on the ground. Gravity must be banned.

Freedom – Nearly a hundred million people died during the 20th century because they would not acquiesce to the slavery that socialists like Adolf Hitler and Joseph Stalin thrust upon them. They wanted to be free. Socialism is incompatible with freedom. Freedom must be banned.

Trees – In 1975 Squeaky Fromm attempted to assassinate President Gerald Ford with a Colt .45 Model 1911 A. Fromm’s potential violence was rooted in her concern for the plight of the noble redwood tree. Trees must be banned.

Directions – John Wilkes Booth fatally shot Abraham Lincoln because he objected to the way he was leading the country and because he had a problem with the North. Booth had issues with directions. Directions must be banned.

Reason – In 1912 psycho John Schrank sought to end the life of, by then, former President Theodore Roosevelt. Schrank never really gave a reason for his actions. Reason must be banned.

Books – After Mark David Chapman assassinated John Lennon he claimed that his defense for the heinous act could be found in the J.D. Salinger book Catcher in the Rye*. Books must be banned.

*Interestingly, Catcher in the Rye has has already been banned many times in many places.

– Written by Kip Hooker at TheVitaminPress.com