As highly-trained mental health professionals, we have determined that the call letters of Tucson television station KGUN were the straw that broke the back of young Jared Loughner’s mind (ignore the mixed metaphor, damn it. We said we are highly-trained mental health professionals, not professional writers). You can see that analysis in our accompanying article here.
We demand – and we’re sure that all right-thinking Americans join us in this demand – that KGUN change its call letters so that it will no longer provoke young Arizona psychotics into violence.
“KGUN. On your side,” the station’s current call letters and slogan must be changed. And since we’re the ones who pointed out the lurking danger in KGUN’s call letters, we feel it’s also our responsibility to suggest new call letters and slogans for this unfortunately named Tucson TV station. Like these:
KPOW. Explosive news every night at 6 o’clock!
KILL. Hard-hitting news that’ll wipe out the competition!
KA47. Rapid fire news!
KOPS. We’re watching you watch us!
KAAP. We be busting news bullets all day, homie!
KASS. It takes one to watch one!
KOOK. That voice in your head is us!
KISS. Keep It Stupid, Socialists!
KNIF. We got your back!
KRAP. Bringing you the straight poop!
KEPT. The official news channel of John Kerry!
One other suggestion: KGUN really needs to stop carrying “Wipeout” Monday nights at 8:00. It may well be that Jared Loughner heard a network promotion that combined the words “Wipeout” and “GUN” in the same sentence just before his killing spree.
Makes as much sense as the theory that he was pushed over the edge by the image of crosshairs on a website he never visited.
Feel free to contribute your own suggested call letters and slogans.
View Comments (8)
I really think you have to do some research before you add to this one...I'll have to beg off because my wife won't let me stay up that late anymore.
KFAT - Bringing you tons of news every day.
KBAT - We're dingy as dingbats.
KCUT - The cutting edge of radio and the preferred station of emo's everywhere.
KDUM - We're dumber than MSNBC
KFUX - Radio Porn
KSUX - Keith Olbermann's new radio station.
KMOM - Nadia Suleman's new baby station.
KTAX - Radio IRS
or how 'bout if we just keep KGUN, and change the slogan? To wit:
KGUN, You'll get a BANG our of our news!
KGUN, Small caliber, large bore news!
KGUN, We're not CNN, you're in our crosshairs!
KGUN, right on target!
KGUN, none of this hit or miss shit.
KGUN, ROTFLMAO are you? We'll put an end to that!
KGUN, you'll get a blast out of us!
KGUN, a round of us, is better than two squares of them!
Disclosure: I've done some work for WFAT, when it was Channel 19 in Johnstown, PA.
KGOD: Let us rule your airwaves!
KNAG: Your voice for local liberal issues!
WFAT: Covering a broad spectrum of things important to you!
KHAG: The Helen Thomas Network!
KBHO: The station for new packaging of failed philosophies!
KMRX: (see KNAG)
"KHAG: The Helen Thomas Network!"
ROFLMAO
The University of North Texas in Denton has a radio station and the running joke is they should change call letters and use the slogan: it's a little fuzzy around the edges but you can still get it in.
And remember KOME in San Jose? One of their sweepers said, "Don't touch that dial, it's got KOME on it!"
And CJOB in Winnipeg, still around even during a bad economy. I imagine CJOB is dead last with welfare check cashers. Oh hell, am I allowed to say "dead last"?
Hahahaha priceless
There is way too much violence on TV let's ban TV...