As highly-trained mental health professionals, we have determined that the call letters of Tucson television station KGUN were the straw that broke the back of young Jared Loughner’s mind (ignore the mixed metaphor, damn it. We said we are highly-trained mental health professionals, not professional writers). You can see that analysis in our accompanying article here.
We demand – and we’re sure that all right-thinking Americans join us in this demand – that KGUN change its call letters so that it will no longer provoke young Arizona psychotics into violence.
“KGUN. On your side,” the station’s current call letters and slogan must be changed. And since we’re the ones who pointed out the lurking danger in KGUN’s call letters, we feel it’s also our responsibility to suggest new call letters and slogans for this unfortunately named Tucson TV station. Like these:
KPOW. Explosive news every night at 6 o’clock!
KILL. Hard-hitting news that’ll wipe out the competition!
KA47. Rapid fire news!
KOPS. We’re watching you watch us!
KAAP. We be busting news bullets all day, homie!
KASS. It takes one to watch one!
KOOK. That voice in your head is us!
KISS. Keep It Stupid, Socialists!
KNIF. We got your back!
KRAP. Bringing you the straight poop!
KEPT. The official news channel of John Kerry!
One other suggestion: KGUN really needs to stop carrying “Wipeout” Monday nights at 8:00. It may well be that Jared Loughner heard a network promotion that combined the words “Wipeout” and “GUN” in the same sentence just before his killing spree.
Makes as much sense as the theory that he was pushed over the edge by the image of crosshairs on a website he never visited.
Feel free to contribute your own suggested call letters and slogans.
