Author: Bonfire of the Absurdities

Chronic Condition: Why Canada’s health-care system needs to be dragged into the 21st Century. Sounds like Canada’s free healthcare system costs too much and does too little, so naturally the public wants it to cost less and do more. Maybe they should hire Nancy and Harry to “craft” a bill no one reads and fix it all up.

School confiscates third-grader’s cupcakes decorated with toy soldiers. “The mother of the student… told Fox News that the principal… called the cupcakes ‘insensitive’ in light of the recent shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School…” We think it’s proof of widespread cakeism among school employees and they should all be sent for sensitivity training to the nearest bakery.

Spoiling the “great employment news”. “According to the household survey (on which the unemployment rate is based) the economy added a healthy 170,000 jobs. However, a whopping 446,000 of those jobs were part-time jobs. Simply put, the economy shed 276,000 full-time jobs.” The excuse for this month is “sequester.”

NYT: Global warming averted impending ice age. “Scientists say that if natural factors were still governing the climate, the Northern Hemisphere would probably be destined to freeze over again in several thousand years.” But greenhouse gases will prevent that, they say. We can just hear Al now: “If it weren’t for deniers funded by Big Oil, we could all be happily making snowpersons this July instead of frying on the beach!”

Women in New York are getting arrested for carrying condoms. “If a New York police officer thinks your skirt is too short and you happen to be carrying condoms, that’s reportedly enough evidence to arrest you.” The city gives out condoms to prevent disease. Maybe people are using them to carry 16 ounces of soda or something.

Cops: Perp had loaded revolver in her vagina. “According to a police report, the cop spotted the handle of the five-shot revolver ‘sticking out from’ inside Harris…” Try getting the damn thing out of there in a hurry… maybe it’s intended to be a new form of birth control.

Out with the old, in with the new. “This is a lot more than just about Senator Paul or Senator Cruz or the others who joined them. It really is about a tyrant sitting in the White House. And that is what Barack Obama is. He is ‘president’ in title only. With the help of his own political party that is now fully controlled by the most radical element in the history of American politics, and more help from the media, Barack Obama is a full on tyrant.” Voter backlash against Obama coming?

3 takeaways from Rand Paul’s #StandwithRand #Filibuster about drone strikes. “What unites his positions is a default setting against giving the federal government a free hand to do whatever it wants irrespective of constitutional limits.” Just what DC needs, a good opthamologist. Forward.

New SPLC fear-mongering report — “explosive growth” of SPLC fundraising predicted. “This is the same nonsense SPLC peddles every year at this time. If there’s a Neo-Nazi website which lists branches in every state, SPLC counts that as 50 groups, even if the groups are only names on a website.” There may be neo-Nazi dust bunnines under your bed so send money to the SPLC or they’ll multiply.

The closing of the liberal mind. Why were liberals of the 50s and 60s seemingly more tolerant and open-minded than today’s? One writer says it’s because they believe the revolution is over and they’ve won. “Dissent is only patriotic when you’re one of the patriots. Questioning authority should only be done when you are the questioner, rather than the authority.” Liberalism is like a roach motel.

ABC-WaPo poll: Most back cuts overall – but not to the military. “The public by nearly 2-1, 61-33 percent, supports cutting the overall budget along the lines of the sequester that took effect last Friday. But by nearly an identical margin, Americans in this ABC News/Washington Post poll oppose an eight percent across-the-board cut in military spending.” #narrativefail.

Hugo Chávez’s legacy. “…his economically disastrous, politically effective ideology will haunt the country he ruined… one of the world’s highest rates of inflation, largest fiscal deficits, and fastest growing debts. …the country’s infrastructure is in disrepair—power outages and rolling blackouts are common… Venezuela is the only member of OPEC that suffers from shortages of staples such as flour, milk, and sugar. Crime and violence skyrocketed… On an average weekend, more people are killed in Caracas than in Baghdad and Kabul combined.” Change the name to “Obama”, add about 10 years and check out the future.

Author quotes then-professor Obama saying, “I don’t believe people should be able to own guns”. “He did not come across as a moderate who wanted to bring people together,” [author John] Lott writes. …Lott suggested that they have lunch one day to discuss their views on guns. According to Lott, Obama “grimaced and turned away.” That was the way many conversations with Obama ended, Lott says. We don’t care if he goes away mad but we do wish he’d go away.

Analyst estimates Chávez’s family fortune at around $2 billion. These socialist “friends of the poor” hate rich people – rich people who aren’t them, that is.

School offers counseling for students troubled by pastry-gun incident. What’s really needed is counseling for parents troubled by having to send their kids to increasingly expensive schools run by blithering idiots where their kids don’t learn anything except that they shouldn’t make pretend guns out of pop tarts.

Feds keep hiring with sequesters in place: 400 jobs posted on first day back. The sky isn’t falling, there just isn’t as much hot air in it as there was last week.

America divided: inflation felt by many while Bernanke fights deflation. Helicopter Ben says inflation is mild but many people’s wallets say differently. Turns out, they’re both right – the unseen problem is that real wages and incomes are falling, so that while prices may be rising modestly, consumers have less and less money with which to buy. “Fixing” one problem causes a different one – surprise!

Menendez sponsored bill to benefit big donor. “…the AP discovers that Melgen turns out to be one of the big investors in a company that would have benefited from Menendez’ sponsorship of legislation to provide federal subsidies to natural-gas conversions for automobiles.” But-but-but it’s not corruption if it’s “helping” the environment an’ stuff.

Nearly 1200 people starved to death in UK NHS hospitals over last 4 years – nurses too busy to feed patients. And “…for every patient who dies from malnutrition, four more have dehydration mentioned on their death certificate. Critics say nurses are too busy to feed patients and often food and drink are placed out of reach of vulnerable people.” Yeah, but what did you expect? It’s “free”.

Shepherds and Sheep. Thomas Sowell deflates Cass Sunstein’s argument that our “betters” should tell us how to live our lives: “Implicit in the wide range of efforts on the left to get government to take over more of our decisions for us is the assumption that there is some superior class of people who are either wiser or nobler than the rest of us.” There ain’t, but that don’t stop ’em from thinking there is. “The welfare of humanity is always the alibi of tyrants.” – Albert Camus

Dennis Rodman “won’t apologize” for “my friend” Kim Jong Un’s murderous regime: “We do the same thing here.” Yep, all the North Korean over-exposed celebrity and sports useful idiots who come here say the same thing.

Bloomberg booed at annual St. Patrick’s Parade in storm-ravaged Rockaways. The proles expressing dissent – which used to be the highest form of patriotism – for Mayor “No Soda For You” and his operation? No doubt his chair bearers will be explaining, “No Mr. Mayor, they’re yelling “BOOmberg! BOOmberg!”

Maddow supporters caught using fake Twitter accounts to boost her show. “This is done to get her show “trending” on Twitter. The Twitter software deems a hashtag, like #maddow, “trending” if it gets a certain number of mentions in a period of time.” It’s not astro-turf, we’re sure all the members of the wildly popular Coffee Party love her show. And they all use the same words to say so:

Confession: I yell at my TV while watching Rachel #Maddow talk about filibuster reform in the same way most people do during football.—
Ayesha Moosa (@sexyayeshamoosa) February 23, 2013

Polls show opposition to ObamaCare is on the rise again. “February’s Kaiser Family Foundation health tracking poll puts opposition to the law at 42 percent and support at 36 percent; in Kaiser’s November poll, 43 percent said they supported the law and 39 percent opposed it.” Well, the naysayers are wrong; ObamaCare is wonderful because SHUT UP!

Alabama passes school vouchers for students at failing schools. And the Dems are agin’ it: “Rep. Mary Moore, D-Birmingham, as she was leaving the House chamber threw her hands over her head and shouted, ‘Welcome to the new confederacy where a bunch of white men are now going to take over black schools.'” Slavery is now defined as the ability to choose a better school for your child. Don’t tell us, ignorance is strength, right? Mr. Orwell, call your office…