Author: editor

Tony Bennett would like assault weapons eliminated. Yeah, we’ll we’d like bad toupees eliminated. We have a little difficulty taking seriously a man who wears a dead raccoon on his head. Sing, Tony. Otherwise shut the hell up.

God bless the Joffrey Ballet. Today I flew from Los Angeles to Chicago for a business meeting. The Joffrey Ballet company was on the same flight. Thank you, God, for ballerinas. I have never seen such a remarkable collection of great asses in my life. Yes, I know this has absolutely nothing to do with hating the media, but it has everything to do with loving incredibly tight, shapely derrieres the Arts. And now back to your regular programming.

Leading Democrat: “I still have some lingering effects from falling on my head.” You may be surprised to learn that it wasn’t Joe Biden talking.

Things my friends send me, Part II. They say all humor must based in truth. (Note: Don’t know the source of this one, either, but congratulations to whoever came up with it.)

Things my friends send me, Part I. I wish I could give someone credit, but who knows where this stuff comes from. Thanks, Dave P.

Liberal hypocrisy explained in two posters. I’ve been putting together a list of liberal contradictions, but Big Fur Hat, one of the resident crazies over at IOwnTheWorld.com, beat me to it with these beauties. He’s also a far better art director than I, but we have neither room nor time to discuss all my inadequacies. Use the comments section to list your contributions to the list of liberal contradictions.

Laugh out loud hilarious: Driving in Russia. Mrs Editor and I have recently been discussing our wild-assed fantasy about taking the Trans-Siberian Express from Moscow to Beijing. Based on this video, the train has to be safer than the streets. It’s 5:30 a.m. and I’m posting this story from Starbucks and all the other patrons are giving me strange looks because I’m laughing out loud as I watch this video. Do yourself a favor: Don’t watch it in public or people will give you strange looks, too.

http://youtu.be/AXz4P6EpX3s

Was Diane Sawyer drunk during last night’s election coverage? It sure looks and sounds like she was three sheets to the wind. But what the hell, I’m drunk this morning so who am I to pick on her?

Dimwitted Democrat defeats lying, scumbag Republican. This is an update on the voting dilemma faced by the Editor and the Administrator. It wasn’t even close in our Congressional district. Lois Capps, the dimwitted liberal defeated the lying, corrupt, scumbag Republican Abel Maldonado. A pox on both their houses. Thanks for all your advice. In case you’re wondering, Mrs Editor voted for the dimwit and I voted for the scumbag so that neither of them gained anything.

Vote for Obama, get a free government cell phone. Our democracy is doomed. Can’t wait to see what the folks over at FreeGovernmentCellPhones.net have to say about this one. Think they’ll be as horrified as we are? UPDATE: Looks like the free government cell phone website got the story up even faster than IHTM and the good news is that even they hated this offensive scam.

What’s your advice for the Editor and the Administrator? We’re baffled. Our current Representative is Lois Capps, one of the most dimwitted liberals to ever plop her ass down in the hallowed halls of Congress. We routinely vote against her every two years. Unfortunately, this year she’s running against Abel Maldonado, one of the sleaziest, most self-serving, most dishonest Republicans to ever darken California’s state legislature. Do we vote for the honest, stupid liberal? The lying, self-serving Republican? Or do we just sit this one out?

What’s your opinion?

The end of the road for electric cars. Say sayonara to the whole electric car fiasco. Toyota is pulling the plug on electric car production and it’s vice chairman said, “The current capabilities of electric vehicles do not meet society’s needs, whether it may be the distance the cars run, or the costs, or how it takes a long time to charge.” The company anticipates sales of a mere 2600 units in the United States over the next three years. Hey, what was the name of that moron IHTM reader who tried to convince everyone that the future of the auto industry was electric?

This Romney commercial will break your heart. This one’s a tearjerker. We don’t know how anyone could watch it and still vote for the Kenyan. Do us a favor – email it to one of your boneheaded liberal friends.

http://youtu.be/NlFHrLeeJIU

Madeleine Albright flips out, screams at “Disgusting Serbs!” Hate to sound like a broken record today, but can you imagine the uproar, the headlines, the urgent bulletins, the 24 hour a day, 7 day a week news reports if a Republican former Secretary of State – say Condoleezza Rice, for example – were to erupt in public and scream something as inflammatory as “Disgusting Serbs”?

Rush Limbaugh tells Obama supporter to kill himself. What’s that? You say it wasn’t Rush telling a liberal to kill himself, but instead, a lib talk show host telling a gay Romney supporter to kill himself. Well, that’s an entirely different kettle of fish, isn’t it. Instead of frothing at the mouth liberal outrage and indignant screams of “Hate crime”, we have the sound of crickets.

http://youtu.be/h_9r8b24SP4

We don’t doubt the intensity of the storm, just the integrity of the reporters. When you see images of the horrible damage done by Hurricane Sandy, remember this clip from the Today Show back in 2007. Skip to the 3:00 mark to see how the reporter faked the impact of that storm. That being said, our thoughts are with everyone in the path of Sandy. Be safe.

http://youtu.be/NRRMV_nDBt4

Cool illusion on the streets of IHTM’s hometown. Yeah, life is good here in San Luis Obispo, California. We have magician Rich Ferguson freaking people out in Bubble Gum Alley and hot college girls wearing scanty clothing in October. We don’t know Ferguson, but we’d like to. We’d also like to know the hot college girls, but at this point in our lives they react to us very much like they react to Ferguson. That is, they scream and run off.

Joe Biden is a big fan of Tom Kaine. And an even bigger fan of stupidity. Biden may be just one step this side of the Presidency, but he’s a couple steps that side of sheer stupidity. Here he is repeatedly praising Tom Kaine. Just one problem: The current United States Senate candidate from Virginia, a Democrat, is named Tim Kaine. As Biden might say, “Why I’m even dumber than Don Quayle.”

Vandals key “OBAMA” into cars outside home with Romney campaign signs. Unfortunately … The home belonged to Romney supporters, but the cars that were vandalized belonged to unemployed Obama supporters who were sponging off their in-laws. Doesn’t that just sum up this campaign perfectly?

How did we miss this one: Arnold launches a think tank. There are times when it’s impossible to write material that’s funnier than the real news. Like now. According to the UK’s Telegraph, “Schwarzenegger, a Republican, also has launched a global policy think-tank in his name at the University of Southern California….” This must be the first time in history the words “Schwarzenegger” and “think tank” have been used in the same sentence. We can only assume the purpose of the think tank is to teach politicians how to run as conservative Republicans and govern as liberal Democrats. Screw you, Arnold, and the Kennedy you rode in on.

Obama reminds you that November 6 is erection day. Holy freakin’ moly. What kind of campaign creates a commercial like this? One that’s completely out of gas, apparently. And not to get personal, but I guess this means I have to cast my ballot in the back seat of a ’65 Chevy Malibu. But that’s a completely different story.

http://youtu.be/U_3tl3mBfNs

Fire Marshall Biden. Is it just me or did Biden’s debate performance seem reminiscent of Jim Carey’s Fire Marshall character?

Good news for tonight’s debate: Paul Ryan knows how to handle a dumbbell. Sorry. Couldn’t resist when I saw the photo of Ryan working out. My sincere apologies. Now get out there and kick that moron’s ass, Paul.

Gore blames Obama’s pathetic debate performance on “altitude”. “Obama arrived in Denver at 2 p.m. today, just a few hours before the debate started,” Gore opined on Current TV. “Romney did his debate prep in Denver. When you go to 5,000 feet and you only have a few hours to adjust, I don’t know…” Now wait just a gol danged minute, Albert. Aren’t Kenyans supposed to thrive at high altitudes?

Debate thread – your wish is our command. Romney? Obama? What did you think of the debate? Feel free to express yourself.