Dear I Hate the Media and We Liberal Truthtellers Loathe You Right Back,
I woke up at 10 a.m. to telecommute to an early meeting on the use of capital letters in official government correspondence when I heard a bunch of Conservative loudmouths on my shower radio spouting off about small businesses being “the backbone of our economy.”
Pshaw.
Nothing could be further from the truth, but I should expect as much disinformation from the NeoCondrethal likes of Rush, Beck and Hannity – the three ogres of bogus.
As important government officials and supporters of the arts, my colleagues and I are well-paid for our endeavors.
According to your little Conservative rag, the Washington Times, more than 77,000 federal employees are paid more than state governors.
These include air traffic controllers, librarians, and interior designers. Obviously, it’s much more important to ensure that rooms in office buildings flow with correct chi than it is to run a state like North Dakota or Alabama.
Simple economics: By paying government officials, like myself, exorbitant salaries this country remains economically solvent. We return this investment by producing reports on the mating habits of the eastern Tennessee slug worm. We also return this money to the local economies by shopping at Trader Vic’s and Whole Foods.
Hopefully, as salaries continue to soar higher for federal employees, more people in the private sector will abandon their cute little hair salons and haberdasheries to attain more meaningful work as public servants – provided the public pays really, really well for its servants.
Maybe one day we will all work for the government – the ultimate goal of our beloved President Barack Obama, praise his name.
I’m sorry. I can’t write any more. I’m all misty at the thought.
Sincerely,
R. Coddington Fahrnsworth Entrusted servant of the public good and genius
This post was last modified on June 18, 2011
View Comments (21)
This fool has no sense of reality. SO with his "Logic" 100 years ago, it was the gov't that created jobs and made this country what it is today? Can someone string this tool up for treason? He's breathing valuable air that we need for actual critically thinking people that will add substance to our society.
Jesus Christ....
I have an extra clue here that I'd like to sell.
Read this article while on the clock at my cushy govn't job. Well said, Cod-Fahr....to be in the employ of the Fed is a true honor. These "privateers", as the joke goes, need to wake up and realize they're a dying breed, ambition is a thing of the past, and government subsidy of their various trades is certainly inevitable.
Whoops....my time card just clicked into overtime...gotta go surf more of the web for 1.5 the pay.....
R. Coddington Fahrnsworth - you are a freaking genius and welcome breath of fetid air to IHTM. I laughed so hard my chauffeur nearly drove the Rolls off the estate parkway.
R. Codpiece Fahrnsworth, may you break a nail while you are forced to change the oil in your Bentley!
Coddy, old sock, you have struck the nail upon the head once more. The commoners are getting above themselves again, and I suggest teaching the churls a lesson by taking the vote from those who pay taxes. By allowing only those who receive government largesse to steer the Ship of State, we assure ourselves of remaining on course.
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
That was hilarious. The sad thing is that Olivia could have written this and she would have been dead serious. Way to go on channelling liberal insanity and sense of entitlement.
The only way we can tell that it's not really Olivia, is that it isn't written in an exceedingly boring manner.
"The only way we can tell that it’s not really Olivia, is that it isn’t written in an exceedingly boring manner."
Translation: The only way we can tell that it’s not really Olivia, is that it isn’t written in an exceedingly boring manner.
Thank you for clearing that up for us, Barb. Otherwise nobody would have known what I was trying to say.
My pleasure.
I know some people have trouble with translations.
And then she accuses others of twisting her words.... Oh when will Oblivia learn?
But when Olivia translates, it always says the same thing. I don't understand.
It is because you are not a moron. Only morons understand their own.
Agree, I laugh like hell at both of them, but I love Coddy!
I know it says R. Coddington Fahrnsworth wrote this, but it *sounds* like a frequent (and probably paid) commenter to this site... Wonder if they are one in the same? Hmmmmmm
We wish we had any money to pay writers.
'and probably paid' - obviously you meant well paid. Life, libertines and window treatments for all government employees will come to pass and like a gallstone will cause excruciating pain. R. should keep up the diligence and maintain, sir.
I will be releasing my birth certificate to clear this issue up, Warren.
Now I'm really thinking your Olivia...