Dear I Hate the Media and We Liberal Truthtellers Loathe You Right Back,
I woke up at 10 a.m. to telecommute to an early meeting on the use of capital letters in official government correspondence when I heard a bunch of Conservative loudmouths on my shower radio spouting off about small businesses being “the backbone of our economy.”
Pshaw.
Nothing could be further from the truth, but I should expect as much disinformation from the NeoCondrethal likes of Rush, Beck and Hannity – the three ogres of bogus.
As important government officials and supporters of the arts, my colleagues and I are well-paid for our endeavors.
According to your little Conservative rag, the Washington Times, more than 77,000 federal employees are paid more than state governors.
These include air traffic controllers, librarians, and interior designers. Obviously, it’s much more important to ensure that rooms in office buildings flow with correct chi than it is to run a state like North Dakota or Alabama.
Simple economics: By paying government officials, like myself, exorbitant salaries this country remains economically solvent. We return this investment by producing reports on the mating habits of the eastern Tennessee slug worm. We also return this money to the local economies by shopping at Trader Vic’s and Whole Foods.
Hopefully, as salaries continue to soar higher for federal employees, more people in the private sector will abandon their cute little hair salons and haberdasheries to attain more meaningful work as public servants – provided the public pays really, really well for its servants.
Maybe one day we will all work for the government – the ultimate goal of our beloved President Barack Obama, praise his name.
I’m sorry. I can’t write any more. I’m all misty at the thought.
Sincerely,
R. Coddington Fahrnsworth Entrusted servant of the public good and genius