South America’s biggest boob battles breast implants

That damn Hugo Chavez is no fun. It’s bad enough that he’s come out against golf and whiskey, but now he’s pitting the forces of socialism against breast lifts and implants.

That damn Hugo Chavez is no fun. No fun at all. It’s bad enough that he’s come out against golf and whiskey, but now the Venezuelan strongman has gone too far. Now he’s pitting the forces of socialism against breast lifts and implants.

breast-feeding
This photo has absolutely nothing to do with this story, yet it somehow seems appropriate

The New York Times has the details:

Blame for the boom in such surgeries here, Mr. Chávez said on state television over the weekend, rested with doctors who “convince some women that if they don’t have some big bosoms, they should feel bad.” He said it was a “monstrous thing” that poor women were seeking breast lifts when they had trouble making ends meet.

We’re certain that when Chavez said boob jobs were a monstrous thing he was referring to the size of the situation, not the size of the implants.

Mr. Chávez’s comments come at a time when Venezuela has emerged as one of the world’s leading markets for breast augmentation. Between 30,000 and 40,000 women here undergo the procedure each year, according to estimates by the Venezuelan Society of Plastic Surgeons.

… “I’ve never seen more silicone anywhere else,” Mireia Sallarès, a filmmaker from Spain who focuses on feminist issues and is working on a project about Venezuela, told the newspaper Tal Cual.

Then the Times concludes the story by reporting the following sentence without the slightest sense of irony.

State media outlets agreed with the president on the subject.

Really? The state media agreed with Venezuela’s President For Life? Well, then, that just about settles it, doesn’t it. Case closed. No story here. Move along.

Source: New York Times

Actor dies of silicone poisoning after biting co-star’s boob

Surgically enhanced Israeli model Orit Fox got more than she bargained for when the massive boa constrictor bit into her breast.

We wish we could report that no animals were harmed during the making of this film, but, unfortunately, that would not be the case.

To summarize briefly: Snake bites model, snake dies of silicone poisoning.

The Daily Mail UK has the details of the snake’s demise:

… surgically enhanced Israeli model Orit Fox got more than she bargained for when the massive boa constrictor took objection to her over familiarity and reacted by biting into her breast.

However, it was the snake who came off worse because, while Ms Fox need a tetanus shot in hospital, the reptile later died from silicone poisoning.

The B-list model and actress initially looked comfortable during the shoot in Tel Aviv, wrapping the huge snake around her legs, waist and neck while doing her best to look sexy.

In a figure hugging red and white striped dress, which revealed maximum cleavage, she gamely tried to take their bonding to the next level by licking the snake’s face.

As she maneuvered the animal into position for the ‘kiss’ Ms Fox loosened her grip on its neck, and after being licked the reptile reacted angrily.

It aimed straight for Fox’s prized assets and sunk its teeth deep into her left breast.

She let out a high-pitched scream, as did a voice off camera who appeared to be directing the shoot.

This is the kind of story that cries out for the kind of in-depth analysis for which IHateTheMedia.com has become famous. So here goes:

Do not attempt to translate the stage hand’s black T-shirt. It might lead you to believe that Orit Fox is a model in the same sense that Pam Anderson is a model.

Source: Daily Mail UK

I didn’t say, “Give the cab driver a tit.” I said, “Give him a tip.”

Saudi women plan to turn a controversial fatwa (religious ruling) to their advantage and launch a campaign to achieve their long-standing demand to drive in this conservative kingdom. If the demand is not met, the women threatened to follow through the fatwa which allows them to breastfeed their drivers and turn them into their sons.

saudi cab driver fatwa
"Cab driver" is now the most sought-after job in Saudi Arabia

Saudi women have come up with a unique way to protest laws that prohibit them from driving.

QatarLiving.com keeps you abreast of the news:

Saudi women plan to turn a controversial fatwa (religious ruling) to their advantage and launch a campaign to achieve their long-standing demand to drive in this conservative kingdom. If the demand is not met, the women threatened to follow through the fatwa which allows them to breastfeed their drivers and turn them into their sons.

The campaign will be launched under the slogan: “We either be allowed to drive or breastfeed foreigners,” a journalist told Gulf News. Amal Zahid said that their decision follows a fatwa issued by a renowned scholar which said that Saudi women can breastfeed their foreign drivers for them to become their sons.

The renowned scholar said Saudi women can breastfeed their foreign drivers for them to be become their sons and brothers to their daughters. Under this relationship, foreign drivers can mix freely with all members of the family without breaking the Islamic rule which does not allow mixing of genders. Breast milk kinship is considered to be as good as a blood relationship in Islam. “A woman can breastfeed a mature man so that he becomes her son. In this way, he can mix with her and her daughters without violating the teachings of Islam,” the scholar said.

This news just in: New York City cab drivers have besieged city hall, demanding that a similar fatwa be issued in the Big Apple.

H/T: Weasel Zippers

Keeping you abreast of the news: Disney bans fake boobs from Pirates sequel

Disney is searching for real treasure chests for its upcoming shoot of the next “Pirates of the Caribbean” swashbuckler — that is, women with natural breasts.

keira knightley
Keira Knightly's make up man has the world's best job

Hollywood has come full circle and we’re pretty sure Pam Anderson isn’t too happy about it.

The New York Post supplements the story:

Disney is searching for real treasure chests for its upcoming shoot of the next “Pirates of the Caribbean” swashbuckler — that is, women with natural breasts.

The movie studio has banned actresses with artificial enhancements for the fourth installment, “Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides,” directed by Rob Marshall and starring Johnny Depp as the drunken buccaneer Jack Sparrow.

The filmmakers sent out a casting call last week seeking “beautiful female fit models. Must be 5ft7in-5ft8in, size 4 or 6, no bigger or smaller. Age 18-25. Must have a lean dancer body. Must have real breasts. Do not submit if you have implants.”

And they warn that there’ll be a “show and tell” day.

To make sure LA talent scouts don’t get caught in a “booby trap,” potential lassies will have to undergo a Hollywood-style jiggle-your-jugs test and jog for judges. If there’s nothing moving from the waist up, they’re saying, it’s a dead giveaway that you’re not all flesh and bones — and you’re out.

Apparently, the bouncier the better, especially for sword-fighting action sequences, according to the Sunday Times of London.

“In the last movie, there were enhanced breasts to give that 18th-century whorish look, and men were pretty well padded too, and no one worried,” a former casting agent said. “But times are changing, and the audience can spot false breasts.”

Keira Knightley, 24, who was 18 when she shot the first Pirates movie, did not have to face the indignity of a breast exam.
“I am not that well endowed, so they literally painted in my cleavage,” she said.

“It took about 45 minutes every day for makeup artists to add shade and volume, and it looked fantastic until it got too hot shooting.”

Hey, wait just a darn second. Let’s go back a couple paragraphs to where Keira Knightly said they painted in her cleavage every day.

Where do we apply for that job?

Source: New York Post

Madeline Albright’s firm breasts were the secret to her success (such as they were and such as it was)

We’re not sure which is worse – the fact that we’re typing these words or that a former Secretary of State actually said them. Alas, it is true. Former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright talks about her firm breasts with CNN anchor John Roberts.

We’re not sure which is worse – the fact that we’re typing these words or that a former Secretary of State actually said them. Alas, it is true. Former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright talks about her firm breasts with CNN anchor John Roberts.

At least we finally know why Clinton gave her the job.

Source: Gateway Pundit

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