Author: J.P. Travis

Chinese officials find 900 3,000 13,000 dead pigs floating in the Huangpu River. Communism shows the world: yes, there is a free lunch!

Democrat school board member is a pimp. Mike Rios was officially removed from the Moreno Valley (California) School Board yesterday after being sentenced to 14 years in prison. Sadly, the children of Moreno Valley will no longer have the benefit of his wisdom and experience but hopefully other Democrat pimps will step up to the plate. For the kids.

86-year-old World War II sniper earns U.S. Army Marksmanship Unit’s coveted black hat. First they gave him a replica of the 1903 Springfield A4 sniper rifle he used in WWII and he hit the target three times in a row from 300 yards. Then they gave him a modern Remington 700s and he hit the target from 1,000 yards. No wonder the Germans gave up on capturing Bastogne – an 86-year-old shooting that good is “Nuts!”

Giant colon in Times Square… Doesn’t this story need a punchline? Like: “and out walked Michael Bloomberg.” Or: “then Barney Frank went back to Massachusetts.” And why are all those people bowing to the giant colon?

Joe Biden says Americans aren’t allowed to own tanks… so the Wall Street Journal publishes an article about private tank owners. Turns out, not only are there private tank owners, there are private tank brokers. Next in line for the presidency – think about it.

Media outraged about “lying whore” governor being called a “lying whore.” Governor Jay Inslee campaigned on a promise to veto any tax increase. Now he wants to raise taxes. So a group calling itself Voters Want More Choices called him a lying whore and Washington newspapers are upset about the lack of civility. Notice they don’t question the group’s accuracy.

“If you’re bashful I got a snake sitting under my desk here.” Those are the words uttered by Connecticut state representative Ernest Hewett to a 17-year-old girl testifying about a science program that helped her become more outgoing by handling snakes and turtles. Ernest is a Democrat (of course) but remember: it’s Republicans waging the war on women.

Bloggers were paid big money to write about Malaysia. While others point accusatory fingers and call them sellouts, we here at IHTM just want to say… isn’t Malaysian model Ling Tan beautiful? (There’s more where that came from, Malaysia. Call us.)

JPMorgan gold vault linked by tunnel to New York Fed gold vault. Hmm, if there’s any chance government gold has been “leaking” through that tunnel and exiting through JPMorgan’s front door, it might explain why the Fed doesn’t want those piles of gold bars audited. Just sayin’.

Maxine Waters says sequestration will cost 170 million jobs. That’s approximately 20 million more than the entire U.S. labor force, many of whom are already unemployed… so apparently sequestration is really really bad.

Al Qaeda publishes “Ten Most Wanted: Dead or Alive” list. Otherwise known as the “Ten Heroes of Western Civilization” list.

Liberal New York alderman does Chicken Dance. After calling a gun-rights advocate a “gun toting tea party psychotard” in a nasty email, and threatening her and her supporters with a beating, there was a massive turnout of gun owners at the city’s next public meeting. When queried about the email by the angry crowd, Alderman David Marstan quickly back-tracked, apologizing and admitting the email was “inappropriate.”

Man follows Biden’s advice, gets arrested. A week ago, Joe Biden recommended firing a shotgun to scare off intruders. Four days later, a Virginia man fired his shotgun to scare off armed intruders and was arrested for “reckless handling of a firearm.” Moral of this story (like so many stories): Joe Biden is a dumbass.

Dog shoots man. They can’t blame this one on lack of background checks. Dogs get background checks every time they meet another dog.

Oops, Obama’s Organizing For Action forgot to register domain name. So an enterprising fellow named Derek Bovard registered OrganizingForAction.net and set it up to redirect people to the National Rifle Association.

John Kerry to Germans: Americans have “right to be stupid.” It’s nice to have a Secretary of State who backs his words with personal example.

Brooklyn Democrat hosts party wearing blackface. “I was just, I think, I was trying to emulate, you know, maybe some of these basketball players,” said Dov Hikind afterward, trying to defend himself. “There is not a prejudiced bone in my body.”

FujiFilm has new material that generates electricity from the human body. Once they start making clothing out of this stuff, everybody will be a walking power plant. And since bigger people will presumbably generate more power, Michael Moore and Al Gore will finally be worthwhile human beings.

Stalker teacher harassed, assaulted, and threatened another teacher… but the teachers’ union said the Department of Education could not fire him. Remember, though, it’s not unions waging the war on women – it’s Republicans.

Pro-American vs. anti-American at the box office. Two movies with the same production team, same director, and same screenwriter. One movie has a positive view of American efforts in the War on Terror, the other makes U.S. soldiers look crazy and irresponsible. Guess which one did seven times better at the box office?

Whole Foods removes chicken ad after complaints. The ad featured a man resembling Obama and some people were offended. “There are certain things that have been used to put down black people,” said nearby resident Woody Henderson. We’re guessing his lifelong search for excuses to be miffed started with the name “Woody.”

Egypt flooding Hamas smuggling tunnels with raw sewage. “Why did they do this?” said Palestinian smuggler Abu Mutair Shalouf as he watched workers haul buckets of sewage-soaked soil from a tunnel. We’ll give you one guess, Abu.

Cubans refuse to play with Korean balls. In a warmup match for the World Baseball Classic, the Cuban team insisted the game be played with their balls. The Koreans refused. Knowing the Cubans, their balls were manufactured by Russia back in the 1960s.

Rand Paul puts the money where his mouth is. For the second year in a row he didn’t spend all the money allocated for his senate office’s operating expenses. He’ll be sending a $600,000 check to the U.S. Treasury. Last year he returned $500,000. It’s so shocking to see a politician doing what he said he’d do, we’re almost ready to forget who is father is.

Obama administration officials secretly visited North Korea three times. “What’s he up to now?” you ask. Don’t worry about it. He probably just wanted advice on gun control.