Author: J.P. Travis

Wall Street Journal makes up Trump quote. And that’s not even the weird part. After the White House called them on it, the newspaper released an audio tape of the conversation that… wait for it, wait for it… backs up the President’s version. (Seriously, it does. Go to the link and listen for yourself.) Apparently, the “journalists” at the Wall Street Journal are so blinded by anti-Trump bias they can’t even listen to an audio tape and hear what’s actually being said.

That ambassador who resigned because of Trump’s “shithole” remark? MSNBC made up the whole thing. The guy actually resigned on December 27, two weeks before Trump made the remark.

Muslim converts to Christ beg Pope Francis to stop being an ass. Okay, yeah, we paraphrased somewhat but that’s basically what they said. Here’s the opening of the letter they sent him:

“Many of us have tried to contact you, on many occasions and for several years, and we have never received the slightest acknowledgement of our letters or requests for meetings. You do not like to beat around the bush, and neither do we, so allow us to say frankly that we do not understand your teaching about Islam…”

Elon Musk launches multi-billion dollar U.S. spy satellite with much fanfare on Sunday… but keeps the announcement of the news that the damn thing disappeared/blew up/crashed to earth/failed to thrive/whatever, much more low key on Monday.

Snow covers the Sahara Desert in Algeria. Global Warming strikes again.

Bill Clinton LOST the president’s nuclear codes. They were missing for months, leaving the nation utterly helpless against nuclear attack, and the White House hid that fact to avoid embarrassment.

CNBC director accused of peeping at his teenage au pair girl with hidden camera. In her bathroom. Just when you thought all this sexual harassment crap was finally winding down, it gets even creepier.

Merry Christmas from Donald Trump. On Christmas Eve Sunday, UN Ambassador Nikki Haley announced that the U.S. was cutting the United Nations’ budget by $285 million. How does that anti-U.S. resolution you approved last week feel now, you puckerheads?

Illinois drops from fifth to sixth most populous state. The rats have been deserting the sinking ship for four straight years now. Geographically, most of the ship’s structure is still solid but East St. Louis at one end and Chicago at the other are two big black sucking holes in the hull. And you can’t float with holes in the hull.

One in five federal prisoners is foreign born. That’s 58,766 people costing taxpayers about $2 billion a year to hold. You can mention those statistics at Christmas dinner if you have liberal relatives insisting illegal immigration doesn’t do any harm.

Black journalist upset with Charlie Rose because he did NOT sexually harass her. He only harassed the white women, the racist bastard. As she explains:

“…his sexualization of white women was a manifestation of gendered power dynamics in the same way that his not sexualizing me was an expression of racialized power dynamics.”

Obama let Hezbollah run cocaine into the U.S. This isn’t a story from the far-right fringe. Leftwing Politico broke this story.

Chris Matthews next on the list. MSNBC paid a $40,000 settlement to a woman after she claimed Matthews sexually harassed her. Which surprises us. That it was a woman.

Politico reporter has SCOOP about Donald Trump, Jr.! This is HUGE! Allegedly, Donald Jr. called a woman a bitch and used the F word. In pre-school. When he was three years old.

UK built a wall to keep out illegal immigrants… but the wall has unlocked doors in it. So illegals simply open the doors and jump on passing trucks like they always have.

Los Angeles city councilman wants shelter dogs on vegan diet. Liberalism. It’s a mental disease.

USA Today calls Trump unfit to clean Obama’s toilets. And yet the media still can’t figure out why nobody respects them.

CNN walking back another story. Maybe, to save time, CNN should just issue a warning at the top of every hour: “Everything we say is pure fiction invented with the intention of hurting conservatives and helping Democrats. We are not journalists, we don’t hire journalists, we don’t pretend to be journalists, we are simply asses who get to be on TV.”

Another foot washes ashore in British Columbia. This is the 13th so far. IHTM as a theory: this is what happens when you switch to the metric system… nobody uses feet anymore.

PETA declares war on macaroni and cheese. Liberalism. It’s a mental disease.

Dumbass Muslim blows himself up in Manhattan subway station. Apparently the pipe bomb he strapped to himself went off prematurely. Can we nominate an entire worldwide religion for a Darwin Award?

CNN totally, completely, obscenely, and perhaps intentionally botches bombshell story about Donald Trump, Jr. After playing the story in a major way most of Friday, they were apologizing and wallowing in shame by Saturday morning. Once again, in case you haven’t figured this out by now: CNN = fake news.

“One whiff and you’re stiff.” Villagers in Ringaskiddy, Ireland, say air pollution from a nearby Viagra factory is affecting the menfolk. It’s got them riled up… so to speak. “Even the dogs walk around in a state of sexual excitement,” says one villager.

Sen. Feinstein blasts Trump’s decision to move embassy to Jerusalem. Which she voted for multiple times including as recently as June of this year.