I HATE THE MEDIA ™

Cops arrest male Walmart worker for in-store prostitution. This gives new meaning to ‘always low prices.’

Penn: Muslim Group Calls for ‘Litigation Jihad’ to Spread Sharia in US. Sorry, we already have ‘litigation jihad,’ it’s called lawyers.

Piece of a 9/11 plane found in an alley near Ground Zero. NYPD “reports that they have discovered a 5-foot-long piece of airplane debris stamped with a clearly visible Boeing identification wedged into a narrow alley between an apartment building and the proposed Ground Zero mosque site — apparently from one of the jets used by the terrorists on 9/11.”

Holder calls amnesty a “civil right”. “Creating a pathway to earned citizenship for the 11 million unauthorized immigrants in this country is essential. The way we treat our friends and neighbors who are undocumented – by creating a mechanism for them to earn citizenship and move out of the shadows – transcends the issue of immigration status. This is a matter of civil and human rights.” There is such a mechanism, jackass – it’s called “US immigration law”. It defines the procedure for coming into the US legally, obtaining residency status and citizenship. This fool is calling for a mechanism to allow people who violated that law to get a free pass.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=7NXj0hl5T3o

Obama observes moment of silence for Boston victims. A private moment of silence with no one else there save for the official WH photographer (otherwise, you couldn’t see the pic and know he was having a private moment of silence, would you?) “This is just…odd.” Yep.

Three men deported from Saudi Arabia for being too handsome. Yet another reason I can’t go there.

Dems on Capitol Hill retreat from ObamaCare exemption – Dems getting nervous about Obamacare? “According to the NYT report, the White House has finally started to realize that employers will cut hours in order to avoid the costs of ObamaCare, but apparently have no idea how to address it…” Just add that to the list of things this WH has no f–king idea about how to address.

“It wasn’t blood… it was PAINT”: Boston bombers’ defiant mother launches bizarre defense of her “framed” sons. And here’s a shock for you… mom’s also on the terror watch list.

Pictured: The Jamaican-born fiancé of John Boehner’s daughter – who has been arrested for possessing marijuana. I smoke two joints in the morning, I smoke two joints at night, I smoke two joints in the afternoon, It makes me feel all right.

Censors increasingly take aim at Google content. Well, after all, Dear Leader doesn’t want anything bad about him out there.

Saudi national in Boston bombing visited White House multiple times since 2009. Now, now, Obama was probably just trying to convert this young man to Christianity.

Gwyneth Paltrow is the most beautiful woman in the world: Or so it has been determined by a panel that clearly must have been made up of Perez Hilton, Stevie Wonder and Paltrow’s own mother. Apologies in advance, we seem to lack the bandwidth required to present a picture of Gwennie Poo that can do justice to her unrivaled beauty, so we hope you won’t mind this video of Kate Upton in a bikini instead.

http://youtu.be/U62stubaal4

Fracking is safe, scientists say. “Instead of fact-based and intelligent discussions, unfortunately those issues tend to get caught up in those no-fracking bumper stickers. It has become a cause celebre.” Not to mention America’s #1 source of scientific information: movies.

World richest man Carlos Slim cited for profiting from phones for poor. “Slim’s TracFone Wireless Inc. received about a quarter of the funds from the U.S. government’s Lifeline program, according to the latest figures. Today, a House subcommittee asked why the program, paid for by fees charged to U.S. phone subscribers, tripled in cost since 2008.” Well, he contributes to the right people – it’s for the poor – and besides, shut up.

Gangs and politicians in Chicago: an unholy alliance. “The paradox is that Chicago’s struggle to combat street gangs is being undermined by its own elected officials. And the alliances between lawmakers and lawbreakers raise a troubling question: Who actually rules the neighborhoods—our public servants or the gangs?” Well, the mere fact that someone has to ask this question is not a good sign…

“Red line” – US says Syria used chemical weapons. “…officials also said more definitive proof was needed and the U.S. was not ready to escalate its involvement in Syria beyond non-lethal aid, despite President Barack Obama’s repeated public assertions that Syria’s use of chemical weapons, or the transfer of its stockpiles to a terrorist group, would cross a ‘red line’.” Well, you put your foot in it, champ…. not Syria, your mouth.

FRC shooter: I targeted them because SPLC list said they were “anti-gay”. The Southern Poverty Law Center made me do it.

Al-Qaeda video shows 5-year-olds being trained to kill. Once these little squirts are transformed into finely honed killers, our Ted Kennedy-designed immigration sieve will let them move to Boston and “assimilate.”

Invasion of the robot noodle peelers. A $1,600 robot invented in China can make noodles for your soup faster, better, and cheaper than humans. Consequently, thousands of food prep jobs are threatened. Alas.

Poor West, Texas can’t catch a break. First the fertilizer plant explodes, and within two weeks, a second explosion of fertilizer devastates them.

Yeah, I know, I’m going to h— for this. So sue me.

Lawmakers, aides may get Obamacare exemption. “Congressional leaders in both parties are engaged in high-level, confidential talks about exempting lawmakers and Capitol Hill aides from the insurance exchanges they are mandated to join as part of President Barack Obama’s health care overhaul, sources in both parties said.” Repeal for me but not for thee. Rats jumping off the ship they sank.

Military Blocks Access to Southern Baptist Website. Meanwhile, you can bet every jihad website on the net goes through their servers like shit through a goose.

George W. Bush Tells Jeb to ‘Run,’: There has been a slew of positive press for W. over the last few days. And we were really beginning to wonder why a media that had spent eight years doing everything it possibly could to destroy the man was suddenly so interested in rehabilitating his image. But we think we’ve found the answer. They’re hoping that when they pick the Republican candidate for 2016 it will turn out as successfully for them as it did in 2008 and 2012.

Could Muslims Face Discrimination Following Marathon Bombings?: Not to worry guys. When the TSA moves into the cities they will operate much as they do at the airport. Which means they’ll still be ignoring your packages, while fondling ours.

Russia alerted US repeatedly about suspect, senators say. We’re beginning to think the aftermath of this should be referred to as Marathongate.