Tag: Michael Phelps

Top 5 possible successors to Teddy Kennedy

The burning question in Massachusetts today is, “Who will fill Teddy Kennedy’s seat in the U.S. Senate? What the hell. If the rest of the media can speculate on possible successors to Teddy Kennedy’s seat in the United States Senate, we might as well pitch in our two cents.

The burning question in Massachusetts today is, “Who will fill Teddy Kennedy’s seat in the U.S. Senate now that Joseph P. Kennedy II has opted out of the coronation that could have (some would say ‘should have’) been his?”

What the hell. If the rest of the media can speculate on possible successors to Teddy Kennedy’s seat in the United States Senate, we might as well pitch in our two cents.

Our choices make just as much sense as some others we’ve read (such as New York resident Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg, or alcoholic Rhode Island Congressman Patrick Kennedy, neither of whom are eligible because they don’t live in Massachusetts, for god’s sake).

Listen up, old media. We can speculate just as wildly as you can. Here are our five top choices.

Candidate #1 – Foster Brooks. Sure, he’s been dead for 8 years, but it clear that he follows in the Kennedy tradition and the transition would be seamless.

Candidate #2. Michael Phelps. Who better than a 14-time Olympic gold medal winner to assume Kennedy’s nickname “The Swimmer”?

Continue reading “Top 5 possible successors to Teddy Kennedy”

Same rapper who hates Bush thinks O.J. Simpson is “amazing”

Here’s a deep philosophical question for you to consider: Is it possible to be a rap artist without being a complete idiot?

Kanye West, the simple-minded rapper who’s most famous for saying “George Bush doesn’t care about black people,” has offered up a few more brilliant observations. While taping a program for VH1, West recently expressed opinions on a wide range of people he apparently likes better than Bush.

“Can’t we give Chris a break,” he said about girlfriend-beating singer Chris Brown, “…I know I make mistakes in life.”

“Michael Jackson, amazing. Michael Phelps, amazing…He’s a real f%#in’ person. He makes mistakes,” he said in reference to the Olympic swimmer’s recent bong problem.

“O.J. Simpson, amazing. Is he not? What he did, when he did, what he did. Was he not amazing, though?”

Can’t wait to hear Michael Phelps’ reaction to being lumped together with a wife killer, a girlfriend beater, and a child molester.

Source: Reuters

Subway fires Phelps. Where will he go next time he gets the munchies?

Record-setting swimmer Michael Phelps just set one he’d rather not have. Subway Sandwiches has fired him in less time than it took them to negotiate the deal to hire him.

Phelps was hired in late November, fired in early February after photos of his dope smoking exploits were leaked. It’s been a bad week for Phelps, who was also dropped by cereal maker Kellogg’s for the same…uh…indiscretion.

Don’t worry, Michael. We have an idea. We think you’d be the perfect spokesperson for Nike if they’d just be willing to alter their tagline a bit. Picture this:

Michael Phelps. Just doobie it.

Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. We’ll be here all week.

I HATE THE MEDIA ™
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