Top ten unbelievable things Mahmoud Ahmadinejad believes

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad recently gave a speech outlining his firm decision to govern his nation by guidance from a collection of mistruths, lies, distortions and urban legends. Fortunately, he gave this speech at the United Nations where they’ve been doing that for years.

But what else does Ahmadinejad believe? IHateTheMedia.com’s editor sat down for an in-depth interview with the Iranian leader and this is what he told us:

10. Islam specifically bans trick-or-treating because of shards of glass and razor blades have been implanted in candy by evil people, who are probaby Jewish.

9. While parking with his girlfriend, Ahmadinejad heard the news that a political prisoner who had a hook for a hand escaped from a nearby re-education facility. He immediately left the area and when he got home, he found a hook lodged in the car’s door handle!

8. Captain Kangaroo was a trained Marine sniper. He was also probably Jewish.

7. A Nigerian prince has $2 million that he wants Ahmadinejad to hold onto. Damn sanctions make it impossible for him to claim his cash.

6. Barack Obama was born in the United States

5. The rock band Kiss’s name stands for: Keep Islam Shiite Stupid.

4. Once Ahmadinejad was driving by a cemetery late at night. He picked up a female hitchhiker. As they drove past the gates of the cemetery, he had the sudden urge to turn to her and scream at her for not wearing a hijab. When he did, she suddenly disappeared.

3. A woman who committed adultery was killed when a bunch of spider eggs hatched in her hair. A few hundred Islamic jurists then tossed stones at the spiders, accidentally killing the harlot in the process.

2. As a teen, rocker Alice Cooper portrayed Leave it to Beaver’s Eddie Haskell. He later became a porn star. He was also probably Jewish.

1. Iran’s nuclear reactors are for peaceful purposes.

– Written by Sven Waring at DotPenn.com