Top ten unbelievable things Mahmoud Ahmadinejad believes

by editor on October 4, 2010

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad recently gave a speech outlining his firm decision to govern his nation by guidance from a collection of mistruths, lies, distortions and urban legends. Fortunately, he gave this speech at the United Nations where they’ve been doing that for years.

mahmoud ahmadinejad

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad - bon vivant, anecdotalist, gourmet chef, murderous wacko

But what else does Ahmadinejad believe?’s editor sat down for an in-depth interview with the Iranian leader and this is what he told us:

10. Islam specifically bans trick-or-treating because of shards of glass and razor blades have been implanted in candy by evil people, who are probaby Jewish.

9. While parking with his girlfriend, Ahmadinejad heard the news that a political prisoner who had a hook for a hand escaped from a nearby re-education facility. He immediately left the area and when he got home, he found a hook lodged in the car’s door handle!

8. Captain Kangaroo was a trained Marine sniper. He was also probably Jewish.

7. A Nigerian prince has $2 million that he wants Ahmadinejad to hold onto. Damn sanctions make it impossible for him to claim his cash.

6. Barack Obama was born in the United States

5. The rock band Kiss’s name stands for: Keep Islam Shiite Stupid.

4. Once Ahmadinejad was driving by a cemetery late at night. He picked up a female hitchhiker. As they drove past the gates of the cemetery, he had the sudden urge to turn to her and scream at her for not wearing a hijab. When he did, she suddenly disappeared.

3. A woman who committed adultery was killed when a bunch of spider eggs hatched in her hair. A few hundred Islamic jurists then tossed stones at the spiders, accidentally killing the harlot in the process.

2. As a teen, rocker Alice Cooper portrayed Leave it to Beaver’s Eddie Haskell. He later became a porn star. He was also probably Jewish.

1. Iran’s nuclear reactors are for peaceful purposes.

– Written by Sven Waring at

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Bill Gates is going to pay him $500 for every email he forwards to his friends.


21. The New-England patriots deserve their titles and are exhibit great sportsmanship….and that the Mannings are huge Jews.


11. The moon is made of cheese.
12. 2+2=5
13. The email circulating ’round the Interwebs that Madalyn Murray O’Hare is working to get the FCC to ban all religious broadcasting from America’s airwaves.
14. On October 25, 2010 Mars’ orbit will be so close to Earth that it will appear in the sky as large as our moon.
15. Elvis Presley is still alive and living underground at Area 51.
16. There are dyslexic Iranian insomniacs wandering the streets of Tehran nightly wondering if there really is a Dog.
17. That “the sky is blue and grass is green” is really more of a philosophical question than anything.
18. If Hitler had ever entered a beauty pageant he could have done so undeer the pseudonym, “Miss Understood.”
19. Jesus of Nazareth was a closet Moslem.
20. Clay Aiken should have been the winner of American Idol: Season Two


Other things he believes:

One in ten truck drivers beheaded on Al Jizzeera has delicious candy inside (and is also probably a jew).

Just trying to help out a bit here…


He ALSO believes: “I’m A Dinner Jacket !”