Tag: New York Times

NY Times writer begged Springsteen to attack ‘corporate fat cats’

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjbSD6OImjUThe Boss was on his best behavior during his Super Bowl halftime show, much to the dismay of a wacko New York Times columnist.

Sportswriter Harvey Araton urged Springsteen to make a political statement during his time in the spotlight. Here’s what Araton said:

“Maybe we’ll get lucky and there will be at least one bold moment Sunday night when Springsteen goes rogue and rails against — oh, I don’t know — offensive Wall Street bonuses, $18.4 billion worth. Go ahead, Bruce. Make those corporate fat cats squirm on their sofas.”

Luckily, Springsteen didn’t comply. The only protest came when he asked his vocal chords to do what they are no longer capable of doing.

NY Times calls you an extremist racialist nativist (whatever that is)

As if to prove the intellectual and moral superiority of Manhattanites, the New York Times ran an editorial last Sunday headlined “The Nativists Are Restless.”

“The relentlessly harsh Republican campaign against immigrants has always hidden a streak of racialist extremism,” the Times said. “Now after several high-water years, the Republican tide has gone out, leaving exposed the nativism of fringe right-wingers clinging to what they hope will be a wedge issue.”

To tell you the truth, we’re honored to be called extremist, racialist and nativist by a bunch of elitist, socialist liar-ists.

NEWS FLASH: NY Times discovers McCain a war hero, Barack a liberal 


In Saturday’s “Pentagon Memo,” NY Times reporter Elisabeth Bumiller reveals news sure to come as a revelation to readers of the Times.

“The military is not a monolith,” Bumiller reported, “but it is safe to say that Mr. Obama was not its candidate in the 2008 election. His antiwar comments ignited the left but struck many in the armed services as naïve. His Republican opponent, Senator John McCain, was a war hero.”

Obama’s a liberal? McCain’s a war hero? Good grief, man, this is one of the greatest coups in the history of investigative journalism. Eat your hearts out, Woodward & Bernstein. Start engraving the Pulitzer Prizes.

This kind of scoop could turn around the election. What’s that? The election is over? Obama’s already been sworn in as president?

Thanks a lot New York Times. Thanks a lot.

Federal gas tax to increase $2.40/gallon?

"Hand it over. It's only another $2.40/gallon."
"Hand it over. It's only another $2.40/gallon."

If New York Times columnist Thomas Friedman has his way, gas taxes will go up. Way up. He wants to slap an additional $2.40 per gallon in taxes on top of the 18.4¢ you already pay.

“Today’s financial crisis is Obama’s 9/11,” Friedman wrote. “The public is ready to be mobilized. Obama is coming in with enormous popularity. This is his window of opportunity to impose a gas tax. And he could make it painless: offset the gas tax by lowering payroll taxes, or phase it in over two years at 10 cents a month.”

Do the math. 10 cents a month for two years. That’s an additional $2.40 per gallon.

Of course, that probably won’t bother Friedman. He married into a very wealthy family, reportedly lives in an 11,000 sq ft mansion on a lovely 7-1/2 acre estate in Bethesda, Maryland that’s valued at nearly $10,000,000.

NY Times calls liberal senator “too conservative”

new_yorker_magAs if attempting to prove the truth of that old New Yorker cartoon that shows nothing of any consequence beyond the friendly confines of Manhattan, the New York Times has condemned liberal Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand for being too conservative.

Apparently, Gillibrand hasn’t toed the party line quite as strictly as they would like. Can you imagine the gnashing of teeth at the DNC when they found out she has a 100% lifetime rating from the National Rifle Association, voted against TARP, supports the death penalty, and is pro-life? Yet despite those “conservative” positions, Gillibrand considers herself a liberal.

We’re sure the Times has nothing to worry about, because Gillibrand’s liberal re-education has already begun. She announced that she is going to visit Harlem with Rev. Al Sharpton “to become more enlightened about gun control.”

Our opinion: the terms “Al Sharpton” and “enlightenment” are mutually exclusive.

NY Times fires only conservative columnist

bill-krystalThe lone conservative voice on the Times’ op-ed page is history.

Bill Kristol, the op-ed page’s lone conservative, has been unceremoniously booted out the door by the Times. Kristol’s Monday contribution, “Will Obama Save Liberalism?” concluded with the sad line: “This is William Kristol’s last column.”

“I’m ambivalent,” Kristol said. “It’s been fun. It’s a lot of work. I have a lot of things going on. But I haven’t really focused on it.”

“Kristol’s not the only conservative in the world,” said an unnamed and completely fictional Times spokesperson. “We were negotiating with Karl Marx, but the rest of our editorial staff made it clear they don’t want anyone that conservative on our staff.”

NY Times no longer able to borrow, resorts to stealing

The bad news continues for the nation’s leading newspaper company. Last week, its financial condition was downgraded by financial rating companies. This week they’re reporting is being downgraded.

A company called GateHouse Media has accused the NY Times of copyright infringement. They say Boston.com (a unit of the NY Times-owned Boston Globe) shredded copyright laws by “lifting” their headlines and lead sentences for use on their own local news websites.

This is just the latest incident in the Times long, sordid history of plagarism.

We can’t wait until they steal from us. But they better do it soon. We want to retire and buy a small island in the Carribean, but we need a hefty financial settlement from the Times to make that happen.

If they don’t do it soon, the Times won’t have enough money left to fund a crummy studio condo in St. Barts.

NY Times stops having hissy fits, has epiphany instead

crumpled newspaperAfter many months of railing against terrorist detention facility at Guantanamo Bay, the NY Times has had an epiphany. Bad guys, they’ve suddenly realized, really are bad guys.

“The emergence of a former Guantanamo Bay detainee as the deputy leader of Al Qaeda’s Yemeni branch has underscored the potential complications in carrying out the executive order President Obama signed Thursday that the detention center be shut down within a year. The militant, Said Ali al-Shihri, is suspected of involvement in a deadly bombing of the United States Embassy in Yemen’s capital, Sana, in September. He was released to Saudi Arabia in 2007 and passed through a Saudi rehabilitation program for former jihadists before resurfacing with Al Qaeda in Yemen.”

In related news, the Times also realized dogs are always going to be dogs, cats are always going to be cats, and remarkably naive is always going to be remarkably naive.

NY Times needs Nigerian banker

Nigerian CurrencyThe New York Times’ efforts to sell its iconic HQ building has taken on even greater importance since Moody’s and S&P both downgraded the Grey Lady’s debt to junk status.

This downgrade is sure to impact the Times’ ability to raise cash, because junk ratings make it too expensive to borrow capital through “regular” channels.

If they really need money, they should give us a call. We can introduce them to a friendly Nigerian banker we just met on the internet. He has $10,000,000 and is willing to give them some of it.

In a remarkable double whammy, veteran observers note that the Times’ reporting had already been reduced to junk status several administrations ago.

World’s second richest man to get poorer

Much like Julia Roberts in “Pretty Woman,” the cash-strapped New York Times has walked the streets until it found a rich sugar daddy. Or in this case, a papá de azúcar. Mexican Carlos Slim, the world’s second richest man, is about to become $250 million poorer by investing the money in the floundering New York Times.

“By having a stake in the New York Times, he’s basically projecting himself as a powerbroker in this country, regardless of how his investment does,” said Armand Peschard-Sverdrup, a senior associate of the Center For Strategic and International Studies.

In an effort to educate you in the complex world of high finance, we present this video. While you’re watching it, think of the New York Times as Julia Roberts and think of Carlos Slim as Richard Gere. Slim and Gere are both willing to grossly overpay for a common commodity and, as a result, both will get royally screwed. And that, my friends, is what high finance is all about.

Please feel free to nominate IHTM for the Nobel Prize for Economics.

I HATE THE MEDIA ™
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