Tag: sandwich

13 new sandwiches on the Congressional cafeteria menu

With Dennis Kucinich’s sandwich lawsuit in mind, it seems to us that the Congressional cafeteria should introduce these new sandwiches named after Washington, DC political and media types.

The Los Angeles Times reports, “After making headlines this week for accusing a congressional cafeteria of selling him a ‘dangerous’ sandwich, Congressman Dennis Kucinich, D-Ohio, released a statement today announcing his lawsuit seeking $150,000 in damages had been settled.”

Surely, that sandwich will forever more be known in the Congressional cafeteria as the Kucinich Special. We’re pretty sure customers are already lining up and saying, “Gimme that Dennis Kucinich sandwich.”

biden-pork-sandwich
Mmmmm. A huge f'ing joe Biden sandwich sounds good right now.

With that in mind, it seems to us that the Congressional cafeteria should introduce a whole line of sandwiches named after Washington, DC political and media types.

Please allow us to make some suggestions:

The Obama Surprise: Some days it’s all baloney and no bread. Other days it’s de-boned and spineless chicken on dark rye (You never really know what you’ll get. That’s why it’s called a surprise.)

The Barney Frank: Rump roast with an extra helping of salami.

The Harry Reid: Cold, aged beef with no seasoning on white bread.

The Ed Schultz: Beef tongue with an extra serving of fat. Always served hot.

The Keith Olbermann: This item has been removed from the menu.

The Joe Biden: This is a huge f’ing sandwich. It contains a lot of f’ing pork. It’s a f’ing fork-ready project. (NOTE: The Joe Biden Combo comes one fry short of a happy meal.)

The Nancy Pelosi: Cold, crusty chicken, hold the pickle, on old rye.

The Helen Thomas: Non-Kosher meats and cheeses that have been aged beyond recognition. It’s all served on Halal-friendly breads (all profits from this sandwich will be donated back to Palestinian freedom fighters seeking the destruction of Israel a peaceful two-state alternative.

The Tim Geitner: Lean, greasy turkey. Tax-free through April 15.

The Michelle Obama: You don’t order the Michelle Obama. The Michelle Obama orders you!

The Al Sharpton: A delightful low carb alternative featuring dark meat turkey wrapped in a thin skin of pure cheese.

The Ben Nelson: Sorry, ladies and gentlemen, The Ben Nelson has sold out.

The Ted Kennedy: Dry, aged liver patty. Ask for the Kennedy Combo and get a free Bloody Mary.

Quiznos makes up for homoerotic commercial with a “threesome” commercial

We recently published Try explaining this new Quiznos commercial to your children, featuring a Quiznos commercial featuring a deep-voiced gay oven that says, “Put it in me, Scott,” referring to the male Quiznos worker’s tasty, toasty torpedo. Judging from the reaction we and other sites showing the video received, it did not go over as well as they expected, well, maybe in the company we keep.

But, it looks like the Quiznos marketing department is paying attention. They’re making up for it with a new commercial that will appeal more to the horney heterosexual male, and the Hollywood female: It features two sexy women in bikinis fighting over that once again, tasty, toasty torpedo. It puts a just slightly different vision in one’s head than their last attempt.

What’s next we wonder? Are they going to start checking ID’s just to get into this steamy sandwich shop?

Try explaining this new Quiznos commercial to your children

Please do not be shocked. We are about to use internet terminology we have never before used at IHateTheMedia.com:

WTF?

Sorry, but that’s the only possible reaction to the new commercial for Quizno’s new “Toasty Torpedo” subs. You know, the ones shaped like giant male genitalia. Watch the commercial. We’re pretty sure you’ll agree.

The commercial features a talking oven that seems to be the gay cousin of HAL, the computer from the movie “2001.” It starts with the gay oven talking to a Quizno’s worker about how much they “both enjoyed” something. We aren’t privy to what that something may have been, but the mere memory of it causes the worker to look down at his crotch.

Then the gay oven says “Put it in me, Scott,” referring to his tasty, toasty torpedo.

There’s just so much that’s wrong and tasteless about this commercial that you really wonder who it’s aimed at, who approved it, and why.

The whole commercial comes across like some strange homage to gay, sado-mechanical sex.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

(See also, Burger King uses oral sex to sell “Super Seven Incher)

Source: TVSquad.com

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