Porn – I HATE THE MEDIA ™

Drilling regulators watched porn while Gulf oil spill grew

We really don’t care about this story. We just enjoyed using the words “drilling” and “porn” in the same headline. Thank you for indulging us. We also liked using “staff” and “porn in the same story.

oil-regulator-office-porn — Office porn: Oil regulator viewing statistics on Obama's budget deficit

We really don’t care about this story. We just enjoyed using the words “drilling” and “porn” in the same headline. Thank you for indulging us.

Staff members at an agency that oversees offshore drilling accepted tickets to sports events, lunches and other gifts from oil and gas companies and used government computers to view pornography, according to an Interior Department report alleging a culture of cronyism between regulators and the industry.

In at least one case, an inspector for the Minerals Management Service admitted using crystal methamphetamine and said he might have been under the influence of the drug the next day at work, according to the report by the acting inspector general of the Interior Department.

The report cites a variety of violations of federal regulations and ethics rules at the agency’s Louisiana office. Previous inspector general investigations have focused on inappropriate behavior by the royalty-collection staff in the agency’s Denver office.

We also liked using “staff” and “porn” in the same story.

Source: Associated Press

Canadian Thought Police: Ann Coulter, no. Porn TV, yes.

The only conclusion we can draw is that the Canadian Thought Police are a very odd bunch. A very odd bunch indeed. Despite banning Ann Coulter for potential hate speech and hauling to a tribunal a comedian responding to lesbian hecklers, a porn TV network is alive and well.

The only conclusion we can draw is that the Canadian Thought Police are a very odd bunch. A very odd bunch indeed.

Ann Coulter gets banned for potential offensive speech. A Canadian comedian responds to lesbian hecklers and gets hauled before the tribunal. But the country has a porn TV network called Amour that operates freely and apparently isn’t considered offensive.

We can only conclude that things are quickly going south up north.

AdWeek describes the porn network’s new ad campaign:

“You won’t watch for the acting,” brags Canadian adult-entertainment network Amour in a bunch of new promos by Cossette. That’s probably true of the movies on Amour—but not of these ads, which feature bad acting by brainless bimbos honed to perfection. The hotties’ hopeless audition readings of Shakespeare and porn piffle like “It’s getting hot in here” and “Room for one more in that hot tub?” are spot-on. But the off-screen director seals the deal with his exuberant exhortations and earnest encouragement. Oddly, these spots are also satisfying with the sound off.

Maybe Coulter should have just announced that she was going to speak topless.

Source: Adweek

Who says government jobs suck are not very good?

We used to think SEC stood for Security Exchange Commission, but now it’s been revealed may stand for Sex Every Chance.

SEC building — The SEC is giving a whole new meaning to the phrase, "Government employees hard at work."

We used to think SEC stood for Security Exchange Commission, but now it’s been revealed may stand for Sex Every Chance.

According to the Christian Science Monitor, “Just when it was beginning to repair its reputation with its high-profile case against Goldman Sachs, the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) suffers another major blow: Senior staffers there were surfing Internet pornography – as much as eight hours per day, in one case – when they were supposed to be policing the financial industry.”

Eight hours a day? We like naked women as much as the next government employee, but eight hours a day every day?

The article goes on to say “The investigation found 31 serious offenders over the past two-and-a-half years, 17 of whom were senior SEC officers with salaries ranging from $100,000 to $222,000 per year.”

Now, c’mon, don’t you feel just a little silly for watching porn for free all these years?

Fortunately, the Greatest President and Financial Wizard In History has deemed it time to give organizations like SEC more power and authority.

So now instead of having to surf the Internet, SEC employees can have live nude dancers at work and the guys making the big bucks can hang out in the VIP lounge (no cover charge, two drink minimum).

Lap dances, anyone?

Source: Christian Science Monitor

Florida man says he’s innocent, his perverted cat downloaded that child porn

Keith Griffin has been charged with 10 counts of possession of child porn after detectives found more than 1,000 child pornographic images on his computer. He says the cat did it.

Blurring the line between kiddie porn and kitty porn

Keith Griffin has been charged with 10 counts of possession of child porn after detectives found more than 1,000 child pornographic images on his computer. He says the cat did it.

Griffin says he made the mistake of leaving his cat in the same room as his computer. The cat, he claims, jumped on the keyboard, stepped on some random keys, and voila! Child porn was downloaded by the perverted cat.

Far as we can tell, this is evidence that Griffin is not just a scumbag, he’s a stupid scumbag.

Griffin is being held in the Martin County Jail. The cat is free on bail and is currently living in a witness protection program.

Source: Sun-Sentinel

Susan Boyle, Britain’s virgin singing sensation, offered $1,000,000 to make porn flick

susan_boyle If you thought Simon Cowell looked stunned when he heard Susan Boyle sing on “Britain’s Got Talent,” imagine the look on his face when he sees her in a porn flick.

Los Angeles-based Kick Ass Films has offered the singing British spinster one million smackers to star in a porn flick.

Unfortunately, the deal calls for the homely virgin with the fabulous voice to sacrifice her virginity on camera. Boyle, a self-confessed virgin, says she’s never kissed a man, much less bedded one.

“We want to get this movie shot and out while Susan has the world’s attention,” said Kick Ass honcho Mark Kulkis. “Besides, after 47 years of virginity, I’m sure Susan is also anxious to get something cracking as soon as possible.”

If Boyle accepts the offer, Kulkis says Kick Ass will fly her to Hollywood on Virgin Airlines.

A YouTube.com clip of Boyle singing on Cowell’s British TV show, “Britain’s Got Talent” has been viewed more than 100 million times around the world.

We just hope that the woman with the voice of an angel isn’t seduced by the man with the soul of the devil.

Source: New York Daily News

Good Lord. Preacher peddles porn on church computers.

A former Texas pastor has pleaded guilty to possessing and trafficking child pornography. And to make matters even worse, he did it on his church’s computers.

Steve Richardson, pastor at the First United Methodist Church in Royse City, Texas, pleaded guilty to two federal counts – possession of child pornography and transporting and shipping child pornography.

The scumbag faces the possibility of decades in prison, hundreds of thousands of dollars in fines, and lifetime supervised release following imprisonment and restitution. He’ll be sentenced on June 15.

Richardson admitted to trading child pornography on his church computer, but told prosecutors church officials were unaware of his offenses.

This sicko used the disturbing email address “[email protected] when he distributed child pornography to undercover agents over a period of months in 2007 and 2008.

No funny closing here. Have a lovely time in prison, Steve. Hope you make some nice friends.

Source: Rockwall County Herald-Banner via WSJ.com

Try explaining this new Quiznos commercial to your children

Please do not be shocked. We are about to use internet terminology we have never before used at IHateTheMedia.com:

WTF?

Sorry, but that’s the only possible reaction to the new commercial for Quizno’s new “Toasty Torpedo” subs. You know, the ones shaped like giant male genitalia. Watch the commercial. We’re pretty sure you’ll agree.

The commercial features a talking oven that seems to be the gay cousin of HAL, the computer from the movie “2001.” It starts with the gay oven talking to a Quizno’s worker about how much they “both enjoyed” something. We aren’t privy to what that something may have been, but the mere memory of it causes the worker to look down at his crotch.

Then the gay oven says “Put it in me, Scott,” referring to his tasty, toasty torpedo.

There’s just so much that’s wrong and tasteless about this commercial that you really wonder who it’s aimed at, who approved it, and why.

The whole commercial comes across like some strange homage to gay, sado-mechanical sex.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

(See also, Burger King uses oral sex to sell “Super Seven Incher)

Source: TVSquad.com

Porn star strips at Milan stock exchange to protest financial crisis, traders immediately go long

The Milan Stock Exchange now has a 10 Euro cover charge and a two-drink minimum. (click for larger image, without stars) — The Milan Stock Exchange now has a 10 Euro cover charge and a two-drink minimum. (click for larger image without stars)

American protestors have a lot to learn from our European brothers. Or, to be more precise, from our European sisters.

Police officials say an Italian porn star stripped last Tuesday at the Milan stock exchange to protest the financial crisis. Laura Perego climbed on to a table inside the exchange covered only by her mutandines (BabelFish, don’t fail us now) and a painting of Italian flag

Why aren’t the American networks reporting this story 24/7? They should cover this brave, patriotic woman at least as much as Cindy Sheehan.

Or uncover her, as the case may be.

Source: Reuters via NewsBlaze.com

Stewardess porn: Please make sure you’re strapped in for take off

Last week we reported on a helicopter pilot whose license was suspended when the FAA discovered he had participated in a porn production while flying his copter over San Diego. This week we report on Edita Schindlerova, a flight attendent for Irish discount airline Ryanair. She’s been busted for moonlighting as an online porn star.

Forecasters anticipate steamy conditions in July. (click to enlarge)

Last week we reported on a helicopter pilot whose license was suspended when the FAA discovered he had participated in a porn production while flying his copter over San Diego.

This week we report on Edita Schindlerova, a flight attendent for Irish discount airline Ryanair. She’s been busted for moonlighting as an online porn star.

Ryanair doesn’t care. “What people do before or after they work for us is their business,” a spokesperson noted.

Uh-oh. We’re not sure if this is a PR nightmare or blessing. The airline puts out (you’ll pardon the expression) a yearly calendar (photos) featuring attractive employees. The 2009 edition features their own personal porn star wearing a shiny bikini with this caption, “Sexy Edita was a total natural in front of the camera, and didn’t mind getting her hands dirty at the fuelling station. What a star!”

It gives a whole new meaning to the term “landing strip.” (Hey, it could have been worse. We almost said, “It gives a whole new meaning to the term “cockpit.”)

Source: Independent.ie

Vile cripple Larry Flynt claims he’s had more women than vile stroke-victim Hugh Hefner

In a battle between a vile hardcore porn publisher and a vile softcore porn publisher, wheelchair-bound Larry Flynt claims he’s had more women than Hugh Hefner. “

To tell the truth, we don’t care about either of these guys. They’re both living in the past.

But based on longevity, we’d give the nod to Hefner. As far as we can tell, the guy invented sex and most of the primary positions associated with it. He’s been doing it since dinosaurs roamed the earth. He drew the first centerfolds on the wall of a cave. The first issue of Playboy was a big seller in Sodom and Gomorrah.

This video shows just how wacky Flynt is. The TMZ reporter says, “How you doin’ tonight, sir.” Flynt’s entirely disconnected response is, “I’ve had more women than Hefner.”

Would someone please take the demented old codger home, wipe up his drool, and put him to bed.

Source: TMZ

Pilot makes porn while flying helicopter, license yanked

Helicopter porn busted by the Federal Aviation Administration. The FAA revoked David Keith Martz’ pilot license this week when they saw an online video in which Martz had sex with porn star Puma Swede while flying his helicopter over San Diego.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUOoBwa2AVA

The Federal Aviation Administration revoked David Keith Martz’ pilot license this week.

Martz got the FAA’s attention when they saw an online video in which Martz had sex with porn star Puma Swede while flying his helicopter over San Diego. The FAA investigated after the videotaped sexcapade was made available online.

“We’re going to review the video. We’re going to try to speak to everyone in the video, including the porn star, and we’re going to go from there,” FAA spokesman Ian Gregor said. “We probably should have taken a closer look at the evidence when it was first presented to us. And I can assure you, we’re doing that right now.”

To repeat, the guy from the FAA said, “”We probably should have taken a closer look at the evidence when it was first presented to us. And I can assure you, we’re doing that right now.”

When did government guys get funny?

Source: Aero-News.net

Fox News producer busted for child porn, in porn himself

What the hell? You all remember the story Fox News Producer Aaron Bruns arrested on child porn charges, right. We don’t know how we missed it this week, but on Monday the Kenneth in the (212) blog uncovered (NSFW)–so to speak–that Aaron Bruns had a starring role in the ~~soft-porn~~ instructional book entitled The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Supercharged Kama Sutra Illustrated.

We’re not going to show the NSFW photos here. But, we did clean up one photo that shows you an interesting Kama Sutra move with a stick. We know it’s Saturday, but being the curious guys and gals we are, we called in the IHTM staff this morning to try that one out, but only ended up hurt ourselves. Guess our moms were right about poking our eyes out. I suppose we’ll need to buy the book for instructions.

For those of you pervs out there that really want to see the most revealing photos you can follow one of the links at Kenneth in the (212)’s blog. We’re not putting that link or those photos here. But guys, be forewarned, these are, uh, more the type of photos that a female would prefer to see, if you know what we mean.

And one final note. Those of you gloating liberals we have heard from who laughed that Aaron Bruns was a Fox News employee should take note that it is reported that he is a liberal. Not that we care, a child porn guy is a child porn guy. But some people seem too care.

Porn to be wild: Octuplet mom lands in middle of a bidding war

nadya suleman fourteen children under the age of eight and an IQ to match. — Fourteen children under the age of eight and an IQ to match.

Nadya Suleman, mother of the California octuplets born last month, has landed smack dab in the middle of a public relations feud between rival porn producers.

One adult film producer has offered Suleman $1 million plus free health insurance to star in one of his porn productions.

In response, another porn producer offered Suleman a year’s supply of diapers if she turns down the first offer. Kim Kysar, manager of the second company, said the company’s offer demonstrated its “social responsibility”.

“It simply isn’t in your best interest, and more importantly, in the best interest of your children, for you to become a porn star,” Kysar said in a letter. “As you know, there’s a great deal of stigma attached to being a porn star. It’s not something that a mother should take lightly, as this decision will most assuredly affect the lives of your children, and not in a positive way.”

“I have to go now,” Kysar then thought to himself. “I have some socially responsible naked women greased up in the next room and the socially responsible cameras are ready to roll.”

Source: Sydney Morning Herald

Another Washington DC child porn bust. This time it’s an ex-editor for NPR.

david_malakoff1 Apparently, D.C. stands for “Disgusting Creep.” Last month it was a reporter for Fox News. This month it’s a former National Public Radio science editor.

Legal documents (click here to view) say David Malakoff has been charged with possessing child porn between April and June, 2008. He had been a science editor and on-air correspondent for the publicly-supported radio network until he “resigned” in June, 2008. Interesting juxtaposition of dates, we’d say.

Watch for more news as this dirt-o-rama develops in D.C.

Porn star runs for Senate, seems perfectly qualified

stormy_daniels Adult film star Stormy Daniels says she may run against Louisiana Republican Senator David Vitter. Vitter, who was named in a Washington, DC prostitution ring, calls himself a social conservative.

“I don’t see how I can possibly embarrass him more than he already embarrassed himself…,” Daniels said. “Honestly, I’m not sure I’m willing to take the pay cut that comes with being a senator.”

This is like the old joke about the gorgeous woman who sits down next to a guy in a bar. He turns to her and says, “Would you have sex with me for $1,000,000.

“Well, that’s a lot of money,” she says. “I guess I would.”

He says, “How about $10?”

She’s shocked. She’s furious. “What do you take me for,” she says, “some kind of whore?”

“We’ve already established that,” he says, “now we’re just haggling about price.”

We know what Senators are. Why not just elect someone who’s willing to admit she’ll screw us all if the money’s right.

Christie Hefner named CNN economic centerfold of the month

Christie Hefner, daughter of doddering, octagenerian Playboy founder Hugh Hefner, has a new job. CNN announced this morning that she has been “added to our roster of economic analysts.”

Hefner breathlessly revealed her economic expertise by saying the “sense that I’m getting, in talking to CEOs, is that people are hoping for a late 2010 recovery.”

“I’ve proposed a special program called ‘The Anchors of CNN,’” Hefner might have said. “In a cost-cutting move, we’ve chosen Larry King as our first centerfold because he already had a staple in his belly.”

“I couldn’t be prouder,” said proud papa Hugh Hefner. “But can you remind me again who she is?”

Was that porn during the Super Bowl or is Jake “The Snake” Plummer making a comeback?

unzip With less than three minutes to play in Super Bowl XLIII, Tucson viewers were surprised to see a woman unzipping a man’s pants followed by “a graphic act.”

Somehow, the Super Bowl feed was switched with a 30-second excerpt from an adult cable TV channel.

“I just figured it was another commercial until I looked up,” one female viewer said. “Then he did his little dance with everything hanging out.”

“We will investigate what happened and make sure our viewers get answers,” said the company president, Gary Nielsen.

Here at IHateTheMedia.com, we will do everything within our power to get to the bottom of this. We’ll start by interviewing Jenna Jameson.