Tag: penis

What a bunch of dicks: $900,000 in grants to study penis size in the gay community

The American government has wasted your hardearned tax dollars on some pretty stupid stuff, but the length and girth of this one tops them all.

The American government has wasted your hardearned tax dollars on some pretty stupid stuff, but the length and girth of this one tops them all.

The Daily Mail UK reveals the hard facts about how you’re getting screwed. Or at least how someone’s getting screwed:

anthony-weiner-underwear
Another completely transparent excuse to show Anthony Weiner's weiner again

As the country plunges further into debt and with the small task of securing a multi-trillion dollar deal still on the cards, it has emerged that thousands of tax dollars were wasted on a study examining the correlation between a gay man’s penis size and his sex life. 

The study was among several backed by the National Institutes of Health who granted almost $900,000 in one year on this and other studies.

We don’t even want to know what the other studies may have been. We’re still reeling over this one.

It has not been ascertained how much of the $900,000 grant went to he 2009 report, called The Association Between Penis Size and Sexual Health Among Men Who Have Sex with Men, but the coalition release stated that at least $9.4 million went to a ten-year study that included the penis-size research.

According to Fox, the grant was administered by NIH’s National Institute on Drug Abuse, and went first to a group called Public Health Solutions and a researcher with the National Development and Research Institutes before going to individual researchers.

It compiled data from a survey of more than one thousand gay and bisexual men at events in New York City held for the gay community.

And now, let’s conclude with the highlight of the story.

Those who participated were given a free movie voucher.

And if they were lucky, they found Pee Wee Herman in the theater of their choice demonstrating the results of the survey.

Source: Daily Mail UK

Good news: Iceland’s penis museum finally gets its hands on a human specimen

We’re not sure which news is the most disturbing – the fact that Iceland has a penis museum or that someone donated their organ to it.

We’re not sure which news is the most disturbing – the fact that Iceland has a penis museum or that someone donated their organ to it.

The Associated Press has the flaccid facts:

In life, Pall Arason sought attention. In death, he is getting it: The 95-year-old Icelander’s pickled penis will be the main attraction in one of his country’s most bizarre museums.

penis-museum
This is either Iceland's penis museum or Iceland's hat rack museum. We're not sure which.

Sigurdur Hjartarson, who runs the Phallological Museum in the tiny Icelandic fishing town of Husavik, said Arason’s organ will help round out the unusual institution’s extensive collection of phalluses from whales, seals, bears and other mammals.

Hjartarson should be glad he lives in Iceland. If the museum were located in a warmer climate, he’d need a larger erection…uhhh…facility for his penises. Shrinkage, you know.

Highlights of the museum’s collection include a 170-centimeter (67-inch) sperm whale penis preserved in formaldehyde, lampshades made from bull testicles and what the museum described as an “unusually big” penis bone from a Canadian walrus.

Hjartarson, 69, said his interest in what he calls “phallology” began when, as a youngster in rural Iceland, he was given a whip made from a bull’s penis to help him herd cattle. Later, when he worked at a school near a whaling station, colleagues brought him whale penises as gifts.

“That was how it started. I opened this museum 15 years ago with 62 specimens,” he said. Now, with the addition of Arason’s organ, he has 276, many suspended in formaldehyde or dried and mounted on the walls.

If we’re not mistaken, this is the world’s largest collection of dicks outside of the United States Congress.

Source: Associated Press

Why is everyone staring at Michelle Obama’s lap?

The scene was last week’s White House Correspondents’ Dinner. A crowd gathers to stare at Michelle Obama’s lap. Our theory about what they’re staring at explained in this post.

Michelle Obama lap

The scene was last week’s White House Correspondents’ Dinner. A crowd gathers to stare at Michelle Obama’s lap.

Our theory about what they’re staring at explained below.

Continue reading “Why is everyone staring at Michelle Obama’s lap?”

Scientists find lizard species with double penis. Too bad the name dik-dik is already taken.

Scientists in Indonesia were thrilled to discover a new species of lizard that has two penises. But we imagine they were heartbroken to learn that there is a species of African antelope that has already been named the dik dik.

lizard with two penises
The recently-discovered, doubly-endowed Indonesian lizard

The Telegraph UK reports that scientists in Indonesia were thrilled to discover a new species of lizard that has two penises. But we imagine they were heartbroken to learn that there is a species of African antelope that has already been named the dik dik.

The secretive but brightly-coloured beast, a monitor lizard, is a close cousin of the Komodo Dragon of Indonesia.

Unlike the fearsome Dragon, it is not a carnivore, nor does it feast on rotting meat. Instead, it is entirely peaceable and tucks into fruit.

dik dik
The inappropriately named African dik-dik has only one penis.

…The lizard has unique markings and an unusual sexual anatomy, according to the study.Its scaly body and legs are a blue-black mottled with pale yellow-green dots, while its tail is marked in alternating segments of black and green.

Males have a double penis, called hemipenes, also found in some snakes and other lizards.

The two penises are often used in alternation, and sometimes contain spines or hooks that serve to anchor the male within the female during intercourse.

Cool. It’s like sexual Velcro.

Source: Telegraph UK

Saudi Arabia rejects Pakistani diplomat because his name means “huge penis” in Arabic

This is the kind of story you can’t make up. Akbar Zeb is a Pakistani diplomat with a big problem. In Arabic, his Urdu name sounds more like the name of a porn star.

This is the kind of story you can’t make up. Akbar Zeb is a Pakistani diplomat with a big problem. In Arabic, his Urdu name sounds more like the name of a porn star.

That's "Ambassador Huge Penis" to you.

Fox News reports the flaccid details:

The Arabic transaltion of Akbar Zeb to “biggest d**k” has overwhelmed Saudi officials who have refused to allow his post there.

Zeb has run into this problem before when Pakistan tried to appoint him as ambassador to the United Arab Emirates and Bahrain, where he was rejected for the same reason, according to Foreign Policy.

We must admit that we are surprised to learn that Akbar Zeb means “big prick.” We thought that’s what Rahm Emanuel meant.

Source: Fox News via Andrew Bolt

WTF? Man’s penis saved after getting stuck in dumbbell

In a case of do-it-yourself male enhancement gone awry, a local man had to be hospitalized after a metal dumbbell ring became stuck on his penis and caused the organ to swell to five times its normal size, authorities report.

The deficit is the only thing Nancy Pelosi has ever made five times its normal size
The deficit is the only thing Nancy Pelosi has ever made five times its normal size

If you thought this was a story about Nancy Pelosi getting caught in flagrante delicto, you’re wrong. The Speaker of the House was not the dumbbell in this case.

Here’s how the Orange County Register tells this peculiar story:

In a case of do-it-yourself male enhancement gone awry, a local man had to be hospitalized after a metal dumbbell ring became stuck on his penis and caused the organ to swell to five times its normal size, authorities report.

The incident, first reported by the Daily Pilot, began with the man’s ill-conceived attempt to enlarge his penis and ended Tuesday in a Newport Beach hospital room, where rescuers sawed the ring away and spared the man’s member.

Keith Jones, deputy fire chief in Costa Mesa, said the ring had been stuck below the belt for as many as three days, and that the man initially resisted treatment. “This was a patient that was obviously having some other issues,” Jones said.

The man, described as middle-aged, eventually relented and allowed city urban rescue experts to remove the ring in a two-hour, ultra-delicate procedure involving a pneumatic chisel that sent sparks flying around the operating room, Jones said.

The man’s condition isn’t known, but Jones said it appeared he remained fully intact. “I know (rescuers) felt that what they had to do, they did it effectively,” he said.

Five times it’s normal size? Good lord, that’s almost as big as the guys at IHateTheMedia.com.

Source: Orange County Register

Hugo Chavez names new Venezuela cell phone after his penis. No, that is not a typo.

Looks like there’s no one left in Venezuela brave enough to tell Hugo Chavez when one of his ideas is stupid.

The Venezuelan strongman (we can’t bring ourselves to call him “President”) just launched one of the world’s most inexpensive cell phones. At just $15, it rivals the cheapest Asian phones.

Hey, Hugo, is that a Vergatorio in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Hey, Hugo, is that a Vergatorio in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

The stupid part is that he named it the Vergatorio, which is Venezuelan slang for penis. He even made penis jokes at the public product launch.

Why, you may wonder, is the Venezuelan leader introducing a new cell phone and giving it an offensive name? Because he can. He recently nationalized the company that developed the phone, which makes him its new chief executive.

Makes sense to us. And we look forward to seeing Barack Obama introduce the exciting new 2010 Chryslers in the near future.

Update: While we didn’t name it after someone’s body part, the United States has a free government cell phone.

Source: Telegraph UK

What Tea Party? The Washington Post would rather promote a little penis protest than a big tax protest.

Circumcision protestors at the forefront of foreskin protest.
Circumcision protestors at the forefront of foreskin protest.
Apparently size doesn’t matter after all. While ignoring the thousands participating in mass tax protests across the nation, the Washington Post found space to report on “about 50 people” marching in front of the White House for Genital Integrity Awareness Week.

You read that right. Evidently some people weren’t sure they had genitals. Or whether their genitals had integrity. Or something.

For the lamestream media, especially the WaPo and NY Times, this is what passes for “all the news that’s fit to print” these days. Puny penis puns.

Source: Washington Post via Ace of Spades

Try explaining this new Quiznos commercial to your children

Please do not be shocked. We are about to use internet terminology we have never before used at IHateTheMedia.com:

WTF?

Sorry, but that’s the only possible reaction to the new commercial for Quizno’s new “Toasty Torpedo” subs. You know, the ones shaped like giant male genitalia. Watch the commercial. We’re pretty sure you’ll agree.

The commercial features a talking oven that seems to be the gay cousin of HAL, the computer from the movie “2001.” It starts with the gay oven talking to a Quizno’s worker about how much they “both enjoyed” something. We aren’t privy to what that something may have been, but the mere memory of it causes the worker to look down at his crotch.

Then the gay oven says “Put it in me, Scott,” referring to his tasty, toasty torpedo.

There’s just so much that’s wrong and tasteless about this commercial that you really wonder who it’s aimed at, who approved it, and why.

The whole commercial comes across like some strange homage to gay, sado-mechanical sex.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

(See also, Burger King uses oral sex to sell “Super Seven Incher)

Source: TVSquad.com

Dick Nixon would have been more appropriate

will_ferrell_youre_welcome_americaWill Ferrell’s comedy has generally been family-oriented. Until now.

Customers are storming out of his Broadway show, “You’re Welcome America. A Final Night with George W. Bush,” when an immense photo of a penis is projected on stage and Ferrell implies that it’s the former president’s penis.

“The photo gets one of the great shrieks of delight from the audience,” said Adam McKay, the director of the play, “and it’s also the one moment that is followed by people walking out.”

Even the New York Times said, “No president needs this kind of exposure.”

Don’t you hate it when you agree with the New York Times?

I HATE THE MEDIA ™
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