Author: J.P. Travis

Now he wants to amend the Bible. Already in hot water for coming out against gun rights, Piers Morgan had this to say about the Bible: “Both the bible and the Constitution were well intentioned, but they are basically, inherently flawed. Hence, the need to amend it. My point to you about gay rights, for example, it’s time for an amendment to the bible.”

State Dept. Benghazi penalties are bogus. The main culprit, Eric Boswell, who resigned “effective immediately” according to Hillary Clinton, has simply switched desks. And the other three scapegoats are merely on temporary administrative leave. (You know, until everything blows over. And it’s probably paid leave.) Meanwhile, Hillary herself has completey disappeared. Welcome to Obama Term II.

CBS columnist writes Christmas Eve column calling Tim Tebow a phony. He also calls him a “bad apple.” And a “bad practice player.” And a “horrible teammate.” Ever notice how the hatred directed at Christians reaches a crescendo at Christmas time? Apparently, in the eyes of columnist Peter Schwartz, the reason the Jets are such a dismal failure this year is the quarterback they didn’t let play.

NBC’s David Gregory sends his kids to a school with armed guards. Gregory mocked the NRA’s Wayne LaPierre for suggesting armed guards in schools, all the while knowing his own kids attend Sidwell Friends School which employs armed guards. Add this to his on-air flouting of D.C. gun laws while advocating gun laws.

PETA wants a roadside memorial for 16 dead cows. On May 22 in Illinois a truck driver hauling 36 cows to the slaughterhouse lost control and rolled his rig. 16 of the cows plummeted to their death onto Interstate 294. (The other 20 had parachutes apparently.) We agree with PETA – this would be the moost udderly mooving memorial ever herd of.

Here comes another Kennedy. The Massachusetts bootlegging family that seems to produce an endless stream of sleazy drunks for Washington, and just elected Joe Kennedy III to the House, will be running Edward “Teddy” Kennedy Jr. to fill John Kerry’s empty seat if he becomes Secretary of State. Teddy will probably win. Let’s face it: Massachusetts will even elect a murderer if his name is Kennedy.

U.S. Olympian leads secret life as $600-an-hour Vegas call girl. Little known fact: when a 1500-meter runner gives you a lap dance, it lasts about a minute and ten seconds.

Progressive talk station in Columbus folds, blames Obama. “…we were happy to in some small way contribute to the success that the Democrats enjoyed in November. Unfortunately, it was not a two-way street, and lack of advertising support from the Obama campaign… ensured that we will be unable to continue into the new year.”

The end of the university as we know it. Intellectuals are busy with outrageously expensive construction projects to expand on-campus infrastructure, while the higher ed bubble is preparing to burst and educational methodology is about to go virtual… and these are the same brainiacs Obama has running the country.

He’s ba-ack! Dukakis to replace Kerry in Senate. Massachusetts Gov. Deval Patrick is thinking of appointing 79-year-old Mike Dukakis, the guy who lost the 1988 presidential election in a landslide, to fill John Kerry’s senate seat when Kerry becomes Secretary of State. This is good news for Harry Reid – Dukakis, Reid, and Frank Lautenberg can pretend-drive tanks together during weekly meetings of the Senate Senility Club.

Jamie Foxx admits movie violence inspires real-life violence. Ya think, Jamie? Last week – before the Newton, Connecticut school shooting – he was on Saturday Night Live raving about how fun it was to “kill all the white people” in his latest flick, Django Unchained, probably the most violent movie of 2012, for which he is currently on the promotional circuit. He’s not stupid or hypocritical… he’s both.

Jews not safe in Copenhagen. “Hide your Star of David” says the headline. Because of the danger of violence from Muslim immigrants, Danish police are telling Jews to forego wearing skullcaps and other outward signs of their religion in Denmark’s capital and biggest city. We hate to sound harsh, but Europe has become a giant toilet that needs flushing.

Detroit pastor threatens governor’s home, daughter, and church. “Just know one thing, Rick Snyder,” said Williams ominously, “You sign that bill, you won’t get no rest. We’ll meet you on Geddes Road [Snyder’s personal residence]. We’ll be at your daughter’s soccer game. We’ll visit you at your church.” Those doggone union supporters: nothing but class.

Planned Parenthood sends out a fundraising letter. “Planned Parenthood health centers are reaching more women than ever before with lifesaving health services,” the letter from president Cecile Richards says. She didn’t mention they’re also reaching more babies than ever, somewhere between three and four hundred thousand per year… but not for lifesaving.

Cavuto cuts off Rep. Eddie Bernice Johnson… then calls the interview “a total waste of time.” Sometimes we don’t hate the media.

Pelosi addresses GOP’s lack of concern about Kwanzaa shopping. Fiscal cliff? What fiscal cliff? The important thing is whether the American people can shop for their Kwanzaa gifts and pay the credit card bills when they come due in January.

Loose cannon Rep. Jim Moran’s loose cannon son pleads guilty. Last time we saw this yahoo he was caught on tape encouraging voter fraud to help his father’s re-election. Now he’s admitted beating up his girlfriend. Sounds like a perfect Democrat congresscritter of the future, doesn’t he?

U.N. makes Mauritania vice president of Human Rights Council. Mauritania is the last country on Planet Earth where slavery is normal – an estimated 18 percent of the population live as slaves. Also, female genital mutilation is widely practiced, abandoning the Muslim faith generally results in execution, and homosexuality also carries the death penalty. Hey, who would know more about human rights than these people?

Union goon pretends to be a girl. They’ve identified two of the thugs who attacked conservatives yesterday in Lansing (including the guy who sucker punched Steven Crowder). One of the tough guys, Chris Opalewski of the IBEW, apparently likes to cross-dress in his spare time… not that there’s anything wrong with that. Electrical workers sometimes get their wires crossed, that’s all.

Arch liberals at Google shelter $10 billion in tax-free Bermuda. Sure, Larry Page and Sergey Brin support Obama’s agenda – they’re loyal leftwing Democrats – but they want us to pay higher taxes, not themselves. They probably get together with Warren Buffet and laugh their butts off.

Benghazi security personnel were unarmed. They never managed to fire one bullet in defense during the attack. This is the Obama legacy: Benghazi guards unarmed, thousands of guns delivered to Mexican cartels.

Another administration official expresses admiration for communist China. This time it’s Jeffrey Immelt, chairman of the president’s Council on Jobs and Competitiveness: “The one thing that actually works, state run communism a bit – may not be your cup of tea, but their government works.” IHTM interpretation: “Anybody who disagrees with the government disappears into a dungeon, which is real handy.”

Novak Djokovic buys entire world supply of donkey cheese. The number one tennis player now has a monopoly on coagulated equine mammary fluid – at $576/pound – which he plans to feature in his “soon-to-open chain of restaurants.” Rumor has it there’s nothing better than ass cheese omelet with a cup of elephant poop coffee.

Swaziland wants to increase taxes on witch doctors. Look at the parallels: a megalomaniacal king spending outrageous amounts of money on his own personal comfort, a bloated bureaucracy bankrupting the country, burning through central bank reserves to keep themselves afloat, and legislators think the answer is raising taxes.

New elephant poop coffee hits high-end cafés. The beans come from a herd of 20 elephants in Thailand which eat coffee beans, then poop them out a day later for human dung beetles to collect. Called Black Ivory Coffee, it costs $500 per pound or $50 per serving. What is it P.T. Barnum said about suckers?