Category: Television

Katie Couric screws Matt Lauer

katie couric grimmaceCBS news anchor Katie Couric not only scored the first interview with the pilot who brought his airliner down in the Hudson River, but snatched it away from her former “Today” show co-host Matt Lauer.

Lauer had been promised the first interview. Then pilot “Sully” Sullenberger was asked to delay interviews until after the investigation of U.S. Airways Flight 1549’s water landing was completed.

“What Captain Sullenberger did in the cockpit on Flight 1549 was heroic and admirable,” said an NBC News mouthpiece. “Unfortunately, people close to him have not acted nearly as admirably over the past few days. They gave us their word, and then broke their commitment.”

When told of the Couric’s scoop, ABC’s aged Barbara Walters reportedly said, “You call that a scoop? I’m interviewing Sylvester Stallone this week. I’m asking the tough questions like , ‘If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?’”

CNN attacks Obama. Get me the smelling salts!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ziUW5G6n054Lord almighty, hell hath frozen over. Campbell Brown, CNN news anchor, actually attacked the hypocrisy of the new Obama administration.

Here’s the background. Obama announced strict new rules banning lobbyists from his administration. Two days, he attempted to suspend those rules in order to appoint lobbyist William Lynn as Deputy Defense Secretary.

Brown said: “Really? Is this how it’s going to be? Please, please don’t make us all any more cynical than we already are, Mr. President. If you have no intention of abiding by your new rules, then don’t make new rules. That would be actual transparency.”

We appreciate Campbell’s candor and unbiased reporting. But Campbell, honey, we suggest you polish up your resume, because those comments will not sit well with the powers at CNN.

He’s Obama. She’s O-gasmic.

oprah orgasmIt’s the day after the election. Oprah Winfrey and her guests were quivering with O-gasmic delight.

Actor Forest Whitaker said, “The light of the New Age is here.”

Oprah gal pal Gayle King said, “Not only does he hear us. He feels us…he talks to my soul.”

Whitaker saw King’s goofy comment and raised her one by saying, “It’s okay to love” again thanks to the Obamas.

Nutcase historian Doris Kearns Goodwin piped in by saying it’s “extraordinary” to have a president care about history.

But the award for most o-gasmic comment of the day went to Ali Wentworth, wife of ABC’s George Stephanopoulos, who, with a straight face, claimed: “I took the Metro. And everyone was singing Amazing Grace.”

We always attempt to end our stories with an amusing comment. But we are simply incapable of topping Oprah and her guests when it comes to funny.

Anderson Cooper said what?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=neh46EzE3TcWe love Anderson Cooper. That suave demeanor. That premature gray hair. That boyish charm.

But his performance after the inauguration was…well…it was…uh…uh…odd. Yeah, “odd” is a good description. Let’s just say his post-election performance wasn’t one of his best.

You don’t expect to see this many F-ups in a full season of Anderson Cooper 360. But every moment of this edited clip comes from young Andy’s show the day after the election.

Clear up some space on your mantle, Andy, because this clip will undoubtedly win you an Emmy.

Olbermaniac wanted

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TL3rc6wvNqE“You must love pina coladas, walking on the beach in the rain and frothing at the mouth.”

OK, so maybe that’s not exactly what MSNBC president Phil Griffin said, but it’s probably what he was thinking.

MSNBC is searching for a mad dog personality to fill the open 10 p.m. time slot, which is currently occupied by a replay of Keith Olbermann’s “Countdown” program.

In fact, Griffin believes a new 10 p.m. program is a top priority. He said that the channel needed a third original show – in addition to Rachel Maddow’s and Olbermann’s — in its primetime lineup.

“We can’t let this momentum stop,” he said.

“Where the hell can I find another lunatic who looks good in a suit,” he thought.

And Stephanopoulos wept

baby_cryingGeorge Stephanopoulos, host of This Week on ABC, makes us fondly recall the days when masculinity was measured by how many times a man could jump up and down on Oprah’s couch while sporting a maniacal grin.

George’s wife, Ali Wentworth, told Obama sycophant Oprah Winfrey, “We watched everything and George was still doing all the anchoring for ABC and as soon Beyonce said ‘At Last’ George called me at home and he went, ‘Honey?’ and I said ‘I know!’ and we both started crying.”

Completely unsubstantiated reports say Stephanopoulos’ tears were triggered by his frequent, vivid flashbacks of Hilary screaming at him during his days in the Clinton White House.

Limbaugh gives media “the vapors”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C4YcwI4NlKA

There’s a scene in Gone With The Wind where Scarlett O’Hara’s scandalous behavior causes Aunt Pittypat such distress that she falls victim to “the vapors.” That’s exactly what talk titan Rush Limbaugh has done to the rest of the media. Yet again.

As part of a longer statement on the danger of Obama’s policies, Limbaugh said, “Look, what he’s talking about is the absorption of as much of the private sector by the US government as possible, from the banking business, to the mortgage industry, the automobile business, to health care. I do not want the government in charge of all of these things. I don’t want this to work. So I’m thinking of replying to the guy, ‘Okay, I’ll send you a response, but I don’t need 400 words, I need four: I hope he fails.’”

Within minutes, CNN got the vapors. MSNBC got the vapors. The San Francisco Chronicle got the vapors. Dozens, maybe hundreds of members of the media – new and old — got the vapors.

Here’s Sean Hannity’s interview with Limbaugh, who as always, uses 400 words when four would have done the job.

Larry King’s son wants to be black

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YXJI3dpO_A4Ancient orange-haired septuagenarian talkmeister Larry King has revealed that his youngest son (from his seventh marriage) is so enamored with Barack Obama that he wants to be black.

“My younger son Cannon, he is eight,” said King. “And he now says that he would like to be black. I’m not kidding. He said there’s a lot of advantages. Black is in.”

When pressed by reporters, King also admitted his son wishes he hadn’t been named after a fat TV detective from the 70s, wishes life with his father wasn’t quite so much like “Weekend At Bernie’s,” and wishes he understood why seven women have seen fit to marry daddy.

Inauguration causes worldwide ecological nightmare

illustration by Mike Cogh
illustration by Mike Cogh

Barack Obama’s inauguration generated unprecedented media coverage around the world.

Turns out the event generated an astounding 35,000 stories in the world’s major newspapers, television and radio broadcasts within 24 hours. That’s 35 times more than the 2005 inauguration — enough to cause the clear cutting of several major forests, increase global warming by several degrees, and swamp Washington, D.C. under several feet of globally-warmed glacier water.

The inauguration of George W. Bush in January 2005 triggered only about 1,000 stories around the world.

Who’d a thunk? Bush was better for the environment than Obama.

Geithner forgets to pay taxes.
Press forgets to report it.

photo by Matti Mattila
photo by Matti Mattila

It’s been extensively reported that would-be Secretary of the Treasury Timothy Geithner neglected to pay self-employment taxes from 2001 through
2004. Strike one.

But Geithner has also admitted to cleverly – but illegally –deducting the cost of his kid’s summer camp as a “child care” expense. Strike two.

In addition, he neglected to pay taxes and penalties on an early withdrawal from a retirement plan. Strike three.

Finally, he took an improper business deduction, an improper charitable-contribution deduction, and tried to deduct personal utility costs. Strikes four, five and six.

Fact is, Geithner has a 15-year record of dodging taxes by taking deductions that range from highly aggressive to obviously illegal to fanciful.

Way to go, Mr. Geithner. We consider you an inspiration to small taxpayers everywhere. Make no mistake – we think you’re a crook, but you’re an inspirational crook.

American Idol tops American idolatry

Barack Obama may have defeated John McCain, but Simon Cowell looks like a far more formidable opponent.

Fox’s “American Idol” won the popular vote on Tuesday with ABC’s coverage of the inaugural balls finishing a distant second.

Preliminary Nielsen numbers show that the first hour of “American Idol” brought in 22.4 million viewers. ABC’s “Neighborhood Ball: An Inauguration Celebration” scored only 12.6 million viewers.

Ronald Reagan’s 1981 inauguration, the most watched in history, scored 41.8 million viewers.

The American Idol judges watched the attached video of Barack Obama singing. Simon, Randy and Kara said, “No.” Paula asked if she could be ambassador to Funkytown.

Maddow channels Fox News Channel

photo by Paul Schultz
photo by Paul Schultz

Do not compare MSNBC to Fox News when MSNBC newbie Rachel Maddow is in the room. She rejects “…the idea that there’s any equivalency between us and Fox News….”

“Fox is a political experiment,” she told a roomful of TV critics. “Imagine them having somebody as liberal as Joe Scarborough is conservative doing their whole morning? It doesn’t make sense.”

Then Maddow revealed to reporters reporters she doesn’t own a TV and has never seen a show on Fox at any time ever.

She concluded by saying she hates monkey brains although she’s never eaten one, and loves men although she’s never had one.

Disney CEO scrapes by on 51 million in ’08

Robert IgerRobert Iger, CEO of Disney, received a pay package worth $51.1 million in fiscal 2008. That was up a whopping 85 percent from a year earlier. Unfortunately, most of it came in stock options that are currently worthless.

The Magic Kingdom has also announced several new attractions in their amusement park division — The Haunted Soup Kitchen, Pirates of Wall Street, and Dumbo the Flying Stockholder.

ABC pres blames Nielsen for low ratings

ABC logoABC entertainment president Steve McPherson blamed decaying TV ratings on Nielsen Media Research, saying the ratings measurement firm doesn’t count enough forms of audience viewing.

In related news, Japan blamed Pearl Harbor on the United States, Hilary Clinton blamed Bill’s problems on a vast right wing conspiracy, and the pot called the kettle black.

I HATE THE MEDIA ™
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