Tag: Oprah Winfrey

Oprah Network sinking like the Titanic (no fat joke intended)

The Oprah Winfrey Network, better known as OWN, drew 1.2 million viewers on launch day, but it’s been all downhill since then.

The power and the glory that was Oprah is no more. Last year, the TV show screamer announced she was quitting her successful syndicated TV show, launched her own cable network, and sat back to watch the suckers tune in.

It hasn’t quite worked out quite the way she’d hoped. The Oprah Winfrey Network, better known as OWN, drew 1.2 million viewers on launch day, but it’s been all downhill since then.

oprah winfrey
"Look into my eyes. You will watch the Oprah Channel. You will love the Oprah Channel. You will send money to the Oprah Channel."

The Telegraph UK reports that Oprah’s omniscience is over:

The OWN channel, which launched two months ago, is being watched by only 135,000 people at any one time.

The ratings are 10 per cent lower than for the cable channel it replaced which was called Discovery Health.

And only 45,000 of those watching are women aged 25 to 54, the audience the channel is being aimed at.

Miss Winfrey, 57, has urged patience and supporters say ratings will improve when the chat show host begins appearing more regularly herself towards the end of the year.

She will still be busy filming “The Oprah Winfrey Show” for the ABC network until September, but will then be able to devote more time to her own channel. That will include having her own show two or three nights a week.

Oprah is riding to the rescue. Hell, we’d tune in just to see how the horse handled that load.

Source: Telegraph UK

Oprah is a sacred cow: Maryland Republican official in trouble for naming family cow after TV star

A political leader in Maryland is under fire because of the name of a family pet. Diana Waterman, the newly elected First Vice Chairman of the state Republican Party, has a black Angus cow named “Oprah.”

Liberals have so damn many rules that it’s tough to keep track of them all, especially at the pace with which they make up new ones. Who knew you couldn’t name a cow after big, beefy woman?

oprah-the-cow
Oprah, the cow, is apparently named after Oprah, the sacred cow

NBC Washington has details of the bovine bloviating:

A political leader in Maryland is under fire because of the name of a family pet.

Diana Waterman, the newly elected First Vice Chairman of the state Republican Party, has a black Angus cow named “Oprah.”

According to the Baltimore Sun, the issue came to light on a recent Facebook posting when the cow birthed a calf.

The Sun says the posting caught the attention of Sveinn Storm, who runs a Queen Anne’s County-focused blog called “Pave Our County?”

Storm criticized Waterman’s naming the cow after the African-American talk show host who has struggled with her weight. Storm say that’s “precisely why an enormouse (sic) number of Americans view Republicans as racists.”

Waterman defends the name. In a response to the Sun she said her children named the family’s three cows. Oprah was named for a person they admire. The other two, Ferdinand and Isabella are named after the Spanish monarchs who approved Christopher Columbus’s trip to the New World.

This brings to mind, of course, the withering criticism we’ve received for naming our office cat Obama. You can read that story here.

We’re thinking of buying a horse and naming its ass after Harry Reid. Anyone know if that would be a problem?

Source: NBC Washington

Oprah tells Piers Morgan a big, fat lie (could she tell any other kind?)

Tim Conway, Jr on KFI/Los Angeles is one of our favorite talk radio hosts. Tim sent us this clip of sidekick Doug catching Oprah in a big, fat lie about Obama.

Tim Conway, Jr is one of our favorite talk radio hosts. If you’re in Southern California you can catch him on KFI/Los Angeles every Monday-Friday 7-10 p.m. If you’re anywhere else, you can listen on the internet.

Every Friday night Tim welcomes his former on-air partner, Doug Steckler, and lets him riff. Usually hilariously. OK, sorry, Doug. We meant always hilariously.

Tim sent us this clip of Doug catching Oprah in a big, fat lie about Obama.

[audio:steckler-on-oprah.mp3]

oprah-piers-morgan

Source: KFI640/Los Angeles

Oprah loses 25% of her viewers. How’s that Obama endorsement working out?

Oprah is not going to go out on top. Last week was the lowest rated in the 24-year history of her show according to Nielsen.

oprah show ratings
Oprah made $300,000,000 last year. She can afford to lose a few viewers.

These are truly good days for conservative TV viewers. The other day we had the story that the network TV newscasts shed 1,000,000 viewers in the last year. Now it looks like Oprah’s Obama endorsement has come back to bite her ample butt.

The New York Post has the story of O’s devastating loss:

Oprah is not going to go out on top.

Last week was the lowest rated in the 24-year history of her show according to Nielsen.

“The Oprah Winfrey Show” has been in reruns for several weeks but compared to the same week last year — which was all reruns, too — the ratings were down an eye-watering 23 percent, according to tvbythenumbers.com, a ratings Web site.

The audience for Oprah was just over 4 million viewers — the lowest it has ever been since the show first went on the air in 1986.

Quick. Someone do a side-by-side comparision of Orpah’s TV ratings and Obama’s approval ratings. We’d guess the precipitous declines looks pretty similar.

It’s George Bush’s fault. We’re not sure how, but everything is George Bush’s fault.

Source: New York Post

Talk show hosts circle wagons around Oprah, won’t interview her unauthorized biographer Kitty Kelley

Larry King, Charlie Rose, David Letterman and Barbara Walters all turned thumbs down on interviews with celebrity biographer Kitty Kelly, whose unauthorized bio of Oprah will soon be released.

Kitty Kelley
The media protect their own by refusing to interview Oprah biographer Kitty Kelley

And considering Oprah’s current girth, a very wide circle it is.

Larry King, Charlie Rose, David Letterman and Barbara Walters all turned thumbs down on interviews with celebrity biographer Kitty Kelly, whose unauthorized bio of Oprah will soon be released.

Odd, one might have to conclude, considering the gleeful receptions Kelley received from those same hosts when she penned a scandalous bio of George Bush a few years ago.

Margo Howard reports the hypocritical headlines:

“… most of the kingpin interviewers in the mainstream media were astonishingly up front about saying they would not help Kitty Kelley promote her book because they didn’t want to offend Oprah! They didn’t even make up excuses; they flat-out said they didn’t want to offend Oprah. It was surprising, to say the least, that interviewers such as Larry King, Charlie Rose, David Letterman and Barbara Walters all shut her out. Walter’s turn-down was especially interesting in that she said she wouldn’t even have Kelley on “The View.” I mean, that’s a show with four or five babes nattering on, where no guest is on for more than maybe seven minutes. Walters told Random House publicity she didn’t want to “upset” Oprah. Letterman said he didn’t want to “disrupt” his détente with Oprah. And ABC, whose name might as well now stand for “All ‘Bout Cowards,” made an across-the-board decision that Kelley’s book would be boycotted by all ABC shows. Even second-tier people like Joy Behar followed suit. And Rachael Ray! A cooking show, no less.

Much to our surprise, Kelley has booked an appearance in one unexpected place.

… To their credit, the top show for people flogging books, “The Today Show,” will be Kitty’s first publicity stop when the book is released. Bill O’Reilly will be the second. I find all this really interesting. What is it, I wonder, that has major television people so afraid of Oprah? It is a question whose answer I look forward to finding in Kelley’s book. I will get back to you when I’ve read it.

To his credit, Matt Lauer actually gave Kelley a pretty good grilling when she appeared on the Today Show to hype her bio of George Bush.

Our advice? Don’t bother with Lauer and the Today Show. Wait until Kelley appears on Fox.

Source: Wowowow.com

Don’t read the bad Obama poll, Mika. Don’t read it. Please don’t read it. I’m begging you not to read it. D’oh.

The other day on Morning Joe, Gayle King knew she wasn’t going to like the results of a new poll that showed the public prefers Republicans over Democrats, so she asked Mika not to read them on the air.

We’ve never understood why Gayle King is a celebrity except that her resume contains one very important job – Oprah Winfrey’s best friend.

Nevertheless, King shows up here and there to pontificate in ways that only Oprah’s best friend would be allowed to get away with.

The other day on Morning Joe, for example, King knew she wasn’t going to like the results of a new poll that showed the public prefers Republicans over Democrats, so she asked Mika not to read them on the air.

“Every time he speaks,” King concluded, “I get inspired all over again.”

Hey, whaddaya know. We have something in common with Oprah Winfrey’s best friend.

Every time we hear Obama speak, we’re also inspired.

Inspired to see him out of the White House ASAP.

H/T: NewsBusters.org

Rosie O’Donnell set to fill huge gap

“With Oprah Winfrey’s exit from television in 2011, there is a huge daytime talk show gap waiting to be filled. And Rosie O’Donnell has reportedly teamed up with two syndication powerhouses to put together a show for her return to TV, which would air as Winfrey’s show ends.”

Don’t know about you, but we can hardly wait.

Who better to fill a huge gap than Rosie O’Donnell? Chattahbox.com reveals the details of The Queen of Mean’s big comeback:

“With Oprah Winfrey’s exit from television in 2011, there is a huge daytime talk show gap waiting to be filled. And Rosie O’Donnell has reportedly teamed up with two syndication powerhouses to put together a show for her return to TV, which would air as Winfrey’s show ends.”

Don’t know about you, but we can hardly wait.

As a reminder of what a class act Ms. O’Donnell is, we’ve included this clip of her warming up the View audience right before her exit from the show.

There’s no denying that she’s a huge talent. Emphasis on huge.

Source: Chattahbox.com

– Written by Patrick Michael

Smartest woman alive mistakes Drew Brees’ birthmark for lipstick

C’mon, Orprah. Anyone who’s watched a football game in the last decade knows Drew Brees has a birth mark on his cheek. But not the queen of daytime TV. She attempted to wipe it off the super bowl quarterback’s face when the appeared on her show.

C’mon, Orprah. Anyone who’s watched a football game in the last decade knows Drew Brees has a birth mark on his cheek. But not the queen of daytime TV. She attempted to wipe it off the super bowl quarterback’s face when the appeared on her show.

But even that faux pas pales in comparison to her manic shout of “Wow, wow, wow, wow, whoooooooooooo!” as she introduced Brees.

That’s the kind of remarkable intellectual firepower that’s made Ms. Winfrey a billionaire.

Can anyone explain this woman’s appeal to us? Because we seriously don’t get it.

Racist, sexist, homophobic Americans choose their favorite talk show hosts

“The Ellen DeGeneres Show” was, for the first time, on par with “The Oprah Winfrey Show” (and, in some cases, exceeding “Oprah”) in the minds of viewers.

In one corner, we have a occasionally overweight black woman. In the other corner, we have an annoying lesbian.

The New York Times reports the remarkably unbiased results:

Executives at Warner Brothers have long believed that Ellen DeGeneres is the heir apparent to Oprah Winfrey in daytime TV. Still, they were startled by the news that a media research firm delivered to them last spring.

The researchers from SmithGeiger, who had been hired to assess talk shows, convened to tell a group of six executives that “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” was, for the first time, on par with “The Oprah Winfrey Show” (and, in some cases, exceeding “Oprah”) in the minds of viewers.

How is this possible? How can racist, homophobic, sexist Americans possibly choose a fat, black woman and a lesbian as their favorite television talk show hosts?

Warner Brothers should demand its money back. The research is obviously faulty.

Source: New York Times

Obama may give himself a B+, but Sean Hannity’s curve is considerably tougher

Obama may have given himself a B+ when Oprah asked him to grade himself, but it looks like Sean Hannity doesn’t believe in grade inflation. He gives the President three Fs and one A+.

Obama may have given himself a B+ when Oprah asked him to grade himself, but it looks like Sean Hannity doesn’t believe in grade inflation. He gives the President three Fs and one A+:

Job Creation: F

Afghanistan: F

Keeping Your Word: F

Teleprompter Reading: A+

Can’t wait to see Joe Biden’s report card.

Source: Gateway Pundit

If you were a tree, what kind of grade would you give yourself?

The View’s Barbara Walters gets things going by suggesting that Barack Obama should have had the common sense not to answer the question when Oprah asked hm to grade his performance.

The gals on the View discuss Oprah Winfrey’s White House interview of Barack Obama. What could go wrong?

Barbara Walters gets things going by suggesting that Barack Obama should have had the common sense not to answer the question when Oprah asked him to grade his performance.

Not to be outdone, Joy Behar rushes to Obama’s defense by pointing out that he was once a professor and it’s just second nature for him to hand out grades.

Then Whoopi Goldberg jumped in to put all the blame on Oprah and to say it it wasn’t the answer that was dopey, it was the question.

The brain power on this panel couldn’t light up one of those new fangled energy efficient bulbs.

Source: Hot Air

Surprise, surprise: Almost no one watched Oprah interview Obama

Turns out very few people Oprah interview Obama on Sunday night. In fact, the show attracted fewer viewers than the show that normally runs in that time slot.

Ahhhh, how Oprah and Obama long for the good old days when people cared what they had to say.
Ahhhh, how Oprah and Obama long for the good old days when people cared what they had to say.

The results of the Nielsen Ratings seems to confirm the problems Obama is having in the Rasmussen and Gallup polls. Americans are tuning out Obama on TV, too.

Turns out very few people Oprah interview Obama on Sunday night. In fact, the show attracted fewer viewers than the show that normally runs in that time slot.

TVbyTheNumbers.com tells the low-rated tale:

Of course, Sunday Night Football & NBC won the Sunday night ratings as usual, as NBC averaged a 5.7 adults 18-49 rating on the night, far ahead of second place CBS‘ 2.9 rating, which was itself boosted by an NFL overrun. ABC’s Christmas In the White House special did a 2.8 adults 18-49 rating, lower than the season average for Brothers & Sisters (of 3.17).

Lumps of coal this Christmas for Oprah and her political boy toy.

Source: TVbyTheNumbers.com

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream, but nobody screams like that damn Oprah

Is Oprah’s show off the air yet? What’s that? Two more years? It can’t end soon enough as far as we’re concerned. If there’s one thing we’ve always hated it’s the way she screams the names of her guests. Like in this clip.

Is Oprah’s show off the air yet? What’s that? Two more years? It can’t end soon enough as far as we’re concerned. If there’s one thing we’ve always hated it’s the way she screams the names of her guests. Like in this clip.

Chicago heartache: Michelle and Oprah hate each other

A distraught Oprah Winfrey is telling pals her “thank you” for helping Barack Obama win the presidency has been a knife in the back.

 Michelle Obama is jealous of her.

The Most Glamorous First Lady In History gives Oprah Winfrey the evil eye
The Most Glamorous First Lady In History gives Oprah Winfrey the evil eye

We’ve been crying our damn eyes out over this one — wishing, hoping, dreaming that it’s not true, but knowing in our heart of hearts that it probably is.

The National Enquirer reports:

A distraught Oprah Winfrey is telling pals her “thank you” for helping Barack Obama win the presidency has been a knife in the back.



A jealous first lady has frozen the talk queen out of the White House inner circle, say insiders. “Oprah is devastated,” revealed a friend.



“She had no idea that Michelle was so jealous about the influence she had on Barack. She hated the way her husband would huddle with Oprah over strategy and jump when she called. 



“The jealousy and anger was eating up Michelle. During the campaign, she vowed Oprah would not be a part of the new administration.
 


“Oprah had visions of being a close adviser to the president and a regular visitor to the White House. She was actually planning to redecorate the famous Lincoln bedroom, which is reserved for special guests of the first family. 



“But in the first 10 months of the Obama administration, Oprah has visited the White House only twice, and one visit was for a business meeting to do an interview with Michelle for O magazine.

We know what you’re thinking – it’s just the National Enquirer. But these guys were right all along about John Edwards and the baby mama, so who are we to doubt them?

Next week: The Enquirer reveals that Malia and Sasha are the result of Michelle’s encounter of the fourth kind with reptilian aliens.

Source: National Enquirer

The International Olympic Committee is raaaaaacist!

Chicago lost? After the President, the First Lady and Oprah Winfrey endorsed the city? There’s only one answer. The International Olympic Committee is raaaaacist!

Chicago lost? After the President, the First Lady and Oprah Winfrey endorsed the city? There’s only one answer. The International Olympic Committee is raaaaacist!

international_olympic_committee

Poet sues Oprah Winfrey for $1.2 trillion dollars

Damon Lloyd Goffe, a Bronx poet, is suing Oprah Winfrey for $1.2 trillion, claming she ripped off his poems and published them under a different title.

Talk show queen Oprah thinks about losing a $1.2 trillion
Talk show queen Oprah thinks about losing a $1.2 trillion

Oprah Winfrey is getting her ass sued off, which you may agree is a good thing if you’ve seen the talk show queen lately.

Damon Lloyd Goffe, a Bronx poet, is suing Winfrey for $1.2 trillion, claming she ripped off his poems and published them under a different title.

The National Enquirer reports:

In the legal papers, Goffe says that “in April 2008 Oprah confessed to seizing original works of authorship” and published on the internet the first draft of his work ” A Tome of Poetry” under another title “Pieces of My Soul.”



The claimant says the website in question is no longer live. 


The suit also alleges Oprah sold over 650 million editions of the work online for $20 a copy which “calculates for 1.2 trillion dollars!”

We’re thinking of suing Oprah, too, for convincing millions of idiot women to vote for Barack Obama.

That should be worth a $1.2 gazillion. Give or take a bazillion.

Source: National Enquirer via MediaBistro.com

Oprah Winfrey flaunts her wealth in college commencement address

Oprah's rich, you're not. End of discussion.
Oprah's rich, you're not. End of discussion.
Oprah made the commencement address at Duke University yesterday. She gave an address for which any conservative would have been skewered by the liberal press:

“It’s great to have a nice home. It’s great to have nice homes! It’s great to have a nice home that just escaped the fire in Santa Barbara,” she told the students. “It’s great to have a private jet. Anyone that tells you that having your own private jet isn’t great is lying to you.”

Sure, she went on to say “You haven’t completed the circle of success until you help someone else move to a higher ground and get to a better place.” Blah, blah, blah.

The Duke graduates were terribly disappointed with Oprah’s address. When she started talking about helping someone else, they thought she was going to give away free cars to everyone in the audience again.

Sorry, Duke graduates. Since Oprah didn’t come through with a freebie, it looks like you’ll have to move to Massachusetts to get that free car.

Source: Wall Street Journal

Uh-oh, Oprah: Children in her private school held in solitary confinement

"Wait'll I get my hands on those little perverts."
"Wait'll I get my hands on those little perverts."

Damned if this doesn’t sound like an episode of the Oprah Winfrey Show. Maybe even the Rikki Lake Show.

A few weeks ago, four students at Oprah’s prestigious Leadership Academy for Girls in South Africa were accused of sexual misconduct. Sexual assault, to be precise. Now they’ve told a South African newspaper that academy officials held them in solitary confinement for two weeks before booting them out the door of the prestigious boarding school.

Security guards were positioned outside their rooms, they were forbidden to attend class or communicate with their friends, and meals were brought to their rooms.

Unfortunately, the girls were just too darned upset to eat. “I asked myself, ‘What’s the point?'” said one of the girls. “I’m going to be expelled anyway.”

Oprah’s spokesperson said the girls were punished with “in-school suspension.” And those security guards? Well, they were there simply to assure the girl’s safety.

We say the little hussies got off easy. They’re lucky Oprah didn’t fly down to South Africa with her best friend Gail and a cat o’ nine tails just to give ’em a lesson they won’t get anywhere this side of a Robert Mugabe’s prison camp.

But that’s just us.

Source: New York Post

Oprah’s weepin’ again. Her South Africa boarding school rocked by another sex scandal.

tear_oprah Two years ago, TV talk show queen Oprah Winfrey was said to have “wept” when she learned of a sex scandal at her elite South African girl’s boarding school. Well, break out the Kleenex, because she has another sex scandal on her hands.

Seven, count ‘em seven, students have been suspended for sexually harassing other students at the Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy School for Girls.

One 15-year-old girl was accused of…uh…imposing herself on another girl. Investigators say she also lied about it and coerced other girls to lie about it. Additionally, another group of girls were caught…uh…fondling each other or recruiting others to join them in “lesbian liaisons.”

A spokesperson for the TV talk queen admitted the girls had been given the boot. “It is because they contravened the school’s code of conduct,” she noted. “We regard the incident as confidential.”

Sad as this incident is, we’re sure it will give Winfrey several hours worth of programming. She’ll weep. She’ll apologize. She’ll be outraged. She’ll consult with Dr. Phil. She’ll talk to Dr. Oz. She’ll write a book about it.

And then she’ll give everyone in the audience a car and call it even.

Source: New York Daily News via Drudge Report

Oprah gives up impartial pretense, puts Michelle Obama on cover of “O”

First first lady is the first person ever to be deemed worthy to share the cover with Oprah.
Oprah has hands together, thanking God for guiding her to make the First Lady the first person to ever share the cover of O with her.

Oprah Winfrey, the same host who wouldn’t allow Sarah Palin on her TV show, has now put Michelle Obama’s merry mug on the cover of her monthly magazine.

This is the first time in the magazine’s nine year history that the camera hogging host has allowed anyone to share her cover. But, c’mon, this is Michelle Obama we’re talking about.

The cover, Winfrey said, makes a statement. “Say what you will about books — people do judge a magazine by its cover, which is why it’s important to me keep the cover of this one looking fresh,” she cooed. “And right now nothing — and I mean nothing — is fresher than the family that moved into the White House in January, sparking a national spirit of renewal the likes of which I’ve never seen.”

We think Oprah was misquoted. We think she actually said, “…sparking a national renewal of spending the likes of which I’ve never seen.”

This is the type of story that led to the birth of IHateTheMedia.com. It combines politics, print and television all rolled together in one pretty, prejudiced little package.

Source: Sun Times

TV triplets bid $2,000,000 for octuplet story

photo by WoodlyWonderworks
photo by WoodlyWonderworks

Yes, we hate the media. With a passion. And this story demonstrates why.

Television’s talk triplets — Oprah Winfrey, ABC’s Diane Sawyer, and CBS’ Katie Couric — are reportedly involved in fierce negotiations for the first interview with Nadya Suleman. Her price tag is reportedly $2 million.

Of course, Suleman’s the wacky 33-year old California woman who recently gave birth to octuplets and is now the mother of 14 children under the age of 8.

No further comment necessary.

Blago’s a small thinker

Disgraced Illinois governor Rod Blagojeviich 1Disgraced Illinois governor Rod Blagojeviich has been all over today’s morning news shows telling the world he considered giving Barack Obama’s open senate seat to Oprah Winfrey.

For god’s sake, Rod, that’s a big idea. Work with it. Develop it to its full potential. Why the hell stop with Oprah when you have a very impressive roster of Chicago celebrities to choose from.

Appoint David Soul as Police Commissioner. Make Jennifer Hudson First Minister of Music. Name Michael Jordon Director of Hoopolgy. Jenny McCarthy can be your Secretary of Education. And Robin Williams would do a bang-up job as Press Secretary.

Now that we’ve done you a favor, maybe you can do one for us. Can you get us a phone number for Jamie Gertz?” We’ve always been kind of hot for her.

He’s Obama. She’s O-gasmic.

oprah orgasmIt’s the day after the election. Oprah Winfrey and her guests were quivering with O-gasmic delight.

Actor Forest Whitaker said, “The light of the New Age is here.”

Oprah gal pal Gayle King said, “Not only does he hear us. He feels us…he talks to my soul.”

Whitaker saw King’s goofy comment and raised her one by saying, “It’s okay to love” again thanks to the Obamas.

Nutcase historian Doris Kearns Goodwin piped in by saying it’s “extraordinary” to have a president care about history.

But the award for most o-gasmic comment of the day went to Ali Wentworth, wife of ABC’s George Stephanopoulos, who, with a straight face, claimed: “I took the Metro. And everyone was singing Amazing Grace.”

We always attempt to end our stories with an amusing comment. But we are simply incapable of topping Oprah and her guests when it comes to funny.

And Stephanopoulos wept

baby_cryingGeorge Stephanopoulos, host of This Week on ABC, makes us fondly recall the days when masculinity was measured by how many times a man could jump up and down on Oprah’s couch while sporting a maniacal grin.

George’s wife, Ali Wentworth, told Obama sycophant Oprah Winfrey, “We watched everything and George was still doing all the anchoring for ABC and as soon Beyonce said ‘At Last’ George called me at home and he went, ‘Honey?’ and I said ‘I know!’ and we both started crying.”

Completely unsubstantiated reports say Stephanopoulos’ tears were triggered by his frequent, vivid flashbacks of Hilary screaming at him during his days in the Clinton White House.

I HATE THE MEDIA ™
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