Joe Biden


That Time Joe Biden Lied About His Academic Credentials. Lyin’ Biden’s been at it along time.

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Biden Responds to Howard Dean’s Comments on Older Dems: ‘I Can Take Him Physically.’ This could be the cage match of the century. Possibly the first time we’d use pay-per-view. They should have defibrillators on-site though.

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NRA chief warns: Next president ‘gets the Supreme Court.’ We see lots of people on Twitter who claim the will not vote or will write in if their chosen one isn’t the candidate for POTUS in the 2016 election. This prompts us to ask who do you think Hillary or Bernie (or even Biden), will try to put on SCOTUS if elected? Those who stay home or don’t vote for the Republican candidate deserve what they’ll get the next 4 to 8 years.

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Democratic donor contacts Biden allies about possible run. Looks like Hillary and Bernie are causing a Democrat freakout.

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Gunfight at the VP Corral

by editor on June 15, 2011

Former Vice President John Nance Garner once dismissed the vice presidency as “not being worth a bucket of warm piss.”

We can’t help wondering if the man had a little Nostradamus in him and was having a psychic vision of the current bucket when he made that comment:


Joe Biden testing the only weapons we'll soon be able to afford

The vice president and second lady hosted a party for journalists at their Naval Observatory residence Saturday and weren’t shy about squirting their guests.

Jill Biden toted a very large Super Soaker and wore a disguise: a black wig, camouflage pants with a matching hat and a gray U.S. Army T-shirt with the sleeves rolled up.

The veep sported his aviators and went after reporters with his loaded Water Warriors Titan water gun.

Sounds like Sheriff Joe was indulging in a little fantasy, pretending to be Barack Obama leading a Navy Seals mission.

But we don’t begrudge the veep a little down time. After all, he works hard. He’s head of the Middle Class Task Force (remember that?), a top advisor on foreign policy (he’s really paid off in that department), overseer of stimulus spending (he’s the one who did the actual flushing) and premier advocate of high-speed rail (sitting on trains is something he’s REALLY good at.) And the sheriff just got a new gig: President Obama put him in charge of a new project with the lofty goal of increasing accountability and cutting waste (we can suggest a place to start.)

We heartily disagree with Garner. Joe’s definitely worth that warm bucket of you-know-what.

– Written by Bonfire of the Absurdities

Source: Politico

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This photo doesn’t sit well with us

by editor on April 26, 2011

The world’s tinhorn dictators have taken the measure of Barack Obama and come to the same conclusion one is forced to make after viewing this photo:

The President of the United States has no balls. And the Vice President is packing a pair of bee-bees himself.


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Yup. Ol’ Joe chose what some extremist Republicans are calling an inappropriate time to catch a catnap – right in the middle of his boss’ speech on the debt and the deficit.

But the Vice President had a really good excuse. Twenty-five of them, in fact.

  1. Up late last night trying to come up with something incredibly stupid to do while President spoke.
  2. In his dreams, the President is serious about deficit reduction.
  3. He made the mistake of counting members of the mainstream media lining up like sheep to back Obama’s plan.
  4. All those zeros… Zzzzzzeros.
  5. Hey, Gore slept through the 90s and nobody said anything about it.
  6. He was tired from a long day of making sure that only China could have coal plants.
  7. He stayed up all night trying to figure out a good comeback for that smartass at the ice cream shop.
  8. The way the government has been spending money, taking a 20-minute map is like stickin’ it to the man for $4 million.
  9. It’s the Biden Sleep Deficit plan.
  10. That’s not just a nap, that’ fucking serious sleep!
  11. “Barry told me to go ahead, take a nap, and he’ll wake me up when he needs me to add something intelligent.”
  12. Being a word genius is tiring work.
  13. Even the dimmest of bulbs need to be turned off to cool down once in a while.
  14. Up late last night making up phrases that rhyme with “Boehner.”
  15. Nice sunny day, gentle breeze from Barry’s mouth, the endless droning on and on of Barry’s speech … you do the math.
  16. His son Beau put music on Joe’s MP3 player and he fell asleep listening to the unofficial lib lullaby: Ten Years After’s I’d Love To Change The World:

    “Everywhere is freaks and hairies
    Dykes and fairies, tell me where there is sanity
    Tax the rich, feed the poor
    Till there are no rich no more

    I’d love to change the world
    But I don’t know what to do
    So I’ll leave it up to you

    And it’s somehow Bush’s fault.”

  17. Honoring those Latino citizens who made this country great by partaking in the traditional siesta!
  18. He lost a significant amount of sleep worrying over the results of Barrack’s AIDS test.
  19. The inside of Biden’s eyelids look just like the long, dark chasm that has been the Obama presidency.
  20. The anesthesia hadn’t completely worn off after an earlier trip to the hair clinic.
  21. His alien radio control implant was temporarily blocked by the lead paint in the rotunda.
  22. Late night panty raid in the Freshman dorm.
  23. He couldn’t get any coffee that morning because he didn’t have an Indian accent.
  24. Brainwashing Side Effects include: drowsiness, prolonged grinning, hair loss, and delusions of grandeur.
  25. Time for a nap – I’ve heard this all before from that peanut farmer guy … what the hell was his name? His brother made some great beer … where am I?

Contributors: Sven Waring, Perlcat, JJJRO

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In this interview with MSNBC’s Chris Matthews, Joe Biden clearly states his position that a President should be impeached for launching an attack on a nation that hasn’t attacked the United States.

Of course, the tough-talking Biden was only a Senator when this interview took place and he was speaking of President Bush, but one would hope that his argument remains consistent.

“I was chairman of the Judiciary Committee for 17 years or its ranking member. I teach separation of powers in Constitutional law. This is something I know. So I got together and brought a group of Constitutional scholars together to write a piece that I’m going to deliver to the whole Unites States Senate pointing out the President has no Constitutional authority to take this nation to war against a country of 70 million people unless we’re attacked or unless there is proof that we are about to be attacked. And if he does, if he does, I would move to impeach him. The House obviously has to do that, but I would lead an effort to impeach him. The reason for my doing that, and I don’t say it lightly, I don’t say it lightly….”

Perhaps the three words no American wants to hear: President Joe Biden.

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The mere thought of Joe Biden Elementary School makes us laugh. Out loud. Who could even come up with the concept of naming a school after a national embarrassment?

DelawareOnline has the story:

In a Brandywine School District contest lasting several months, voters decided the name of the new school being built in the Brandywine Hundred neighborhood of Chalfonte should be Hanby Elementary School, rejecting the name of the second most powerful officeholder in the land.

The winning name, which was revealed at Monday night’s school board meeting, was drawn Oscar-like from an envelope and announced ceremoniously by board President Olivia Johnson-Harris and two student members of a committee that had selected five finalists from several hundred names submitted by the community.

One voter, Ellie Kwick, had a very good reason for voting against Joseph R. Biden, Jr Elementary School:

Although she believes Hanby is perfectly acceptable, she was opposed to naming the school after Biden because he sent his children to private schools.

“It seems to me, if you have confidence in the public school district, you send your children there,” she said. “And so, why would you have a school named for you in a public district?”

This video demonstrates a few more reasons that no school should be named after Joe Biden.


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Remember back in 2009 when Democrats said, “Never let a crisis go to waste”? Well, that was then and this is now. Now Joe Biden informs us that using a crisis to push through your agenda is a bad thing. A very bad thing, indeed. has the latest from the voluble Veep:


Joe Biden speaks truth to power, just not the same truth he spoke two years ago

Unions are not the cause of the country’s economic woes, Vice President Biden said Wednesday.

“Public employees are not the problem. The problem is much deeper,” Biden said during a fundraiser in New York for Rep. Carolyn Maloney (D-N.Y.).

Rather, Biden said, unions are part of the reason the country has a middle class.

Biden said the Republicans are trying to use the bad economy that their policies created to push a conservative social agenda.

We are going to see the economic conditions they created used as an excuse to fundamentally go after the social agenda that the far right has been trying to accomplish for a long time,” Biden said.

It’s horrible that those Republicans would attempt to use economic conditions to help achieve their agenda. Absolutely horrible. Quick, Joe, call Rahm Emanuel and lget him know they’re crowding in on his territory.


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You can count on Joe Biden for consistency. Well, maybe not consistency as much as stupidity. Let’s just let the Vice President explain in his own contradictory words.

joe biden on Hosni Mubarak

Joe "I Can See Both Sides of the Issue" Biden

Here’s Joe on January 27 when Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak looked like he might cling to power:

“I think the time has come for President Mubarak to begin to move in the direction that – to be more responsive to some of the – some – some of the needs of the people out there,” Biden said…. “Mubarak has been an ally of ours in a number of things…. And I think that it would be – I would not refer to him as a dictator.”

And now let’s move forward to Joe on February 11 as soon as Mubarak resigned:

Vice President Joe Biden said Friday that the resignation of Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak “is a pivotal moment in history” and that it is America’s hope it will bring “a path toward democracy.”

Thanks, Joe. We always know we can count on you for the straight story.

Source:, Miami Herald

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Biden alert! Biden alert! The Vice President, the man who sits a mere heartbeat away from the Presidency, is very worried that your children will end up being seized by some heretofore unknown ring of international child slave traders.


Joe has a point. He just can't remember what it is at the moment.

In support of President Obama’s bid to “win the future,” America’s most famous Amtrak rider, Vice President Joe Biden, issued a stern warning about U.S. competitiveness in the high-speed rail game: “If we don’t get a grip, folks, they’ll not only be teaching us, they’re gonna own our kids.”

The “they” Biden is talking about are all the other countries in the world who are developing or expanding high-speed rail systems, including China, Japan, Spain and France.

Joe’s point is that he wants us to spend $53 billion on bullet trains that we can’t afford. Since the government will be taking all our money to pay for these hairbrained utopian schemes, the foreigners might as well take our kids. We certainly won’t be able to afford them any longer.

Source: ABC News

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Well, that settles it. Here we thought Hosni Mubarak was a brutal dictator who had clung to power for 30 years through the use of brute power.

That’s why we’re grateful that a man like Joe Biden is around to correct our misconceptions and fill in the gaps in our knowledge.

Here’s the garrulous Veep on the PBS News Hour with the surprising news that Mubarak is not a dictator and shouldn’t step aside.

Lehrer: Has the time come for President Mubarak of Egypt to go, to stand aside?
Biden: No, I think the time has come for President Mubarak to begin to move in the direction that—to be more responsive to some of the needs of the people out there…
Lehrer: The word—the word to describe the leadership of Mubarak and Egypt and also in Tunisia before was dictator. Should Mubarak be seen as a dictator?
Biden: Look, Mubarak has been an ally of ours in a number of things and he’s been very responsible on, relative to geopolitical interests in the region: Middle East peace efforts, the actions Egypt has taken relative to normalizing the relationship with Israel. And I think that it would be—I would not refer to him as a dictator.

Yeah, right, Joe. He’s been elected by acclamation by the Egyptian people for the last 30 years.

You know what? Dan Quayle may have been funny dumb, but this guy is dangerous dumb.

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Rarely does a day go by that Vice President Biden doesn’t say something stupid. But he outdid himself in Indianapolis on Wednesday by giving you two, two, two gaffes in one.

WISH-TV details the Veep’s latest gaffes:

Vice President Joe Biden made a couple of mistakes at the microphone when he appeared at the Ener1 plant in Hancock County, Ind. on Wednesday.

The first came when he mentioned a state Senator. “Senator Gard is here, wanna recognize him, I was told he was here,” said Biden.

Senator Beverly Gard, in fact, was in the audience. She met with Biden after the speech.

The Vice President didn’t always get the name of the company right, either. At one point he referred “Enron one leading the way.”

This guy makes Dan Quayle look like Albert Einstein.

Source: WISH-TV

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Things got a little strange when Vice President Joe Biden posed for photos with the families of incoming Senators earlier this week.

He gave each of the Senators’ young daughters and granddaughters some dating advice. In fact, he gave each of them the same dating advice. Over and over again.

“No dates until you’re 30.”

It’s actually kind of sweet and a little funny. Except for one thing: When the girls are hot blondes who have, shall we say, reached the age of legal consent, Joe suddenly turns into Bill Clinton by putting an arm around them and pulling them in nice and close before the photos are taken.

Nice work, Joe.

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We were this close to having a national crisis on our hands when Vice President Joe Biden stepped in to solve the problem.

Just before the swearing in ceremonies for U.S. Senators, the 3-year old son of Senator Ron Wyden (D-OR) snatched the script out of the Vice President’s hands and refused to give it back.

After repeated attempts to get the script back failed, the proverbial light bulb suddenly went on over Biden’s head.

He pulled a mint out of his pocket, asked the boy to guess which hand the candy was in, and grabbed his script while the lad was pondering the answer to that question.

Unconfirmed reports say Biden learned this technique while watching Vladimir Putin use it on President Obama during negotiations on the new START Treaty.


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It’s no state secret that Joe Biden is dumb as a box of rocks. Need proof? When was the last time you saw a White House Press Secretary stand up and do damage control by announcing that the Vice President didn’t know what he was talking about. has details of Washington’s worst kept secret:

White House press secretary Robert Gibbs sought to clear up Vice President Biden’s comments on U.S. troop levels in Afghanistan on Monday, arguing that the rebuilding nation will follow a similar path that Iraq did.

Biden said Sunday on NBC’s “Meet the Press” that “we’re going to be totally out of there come hell or high water by 2014.”

What Biden meant to say, Gibbs argued, was that the “combat role” in Afghanistan would end by 2014.

“I would point you to what was decided in Lisbon just a few weeks ago, that we will, much like we have in Iraq, transfer primary security of Afghanistan to the Afghans, as NATO and ISAF agreed, by the end of 2014, which would – which would end our combat – our combat commitment in Afghanistan,” Gibbs told reporters.

Pressed on whether troops will be completely gone, Gibbs said, “I think what the vice president was discussing was our combat role.”

Translation: “C’mon, guys. It’s bad enough that I have to stand up here and take heat for my boss’ incompetence. Do I really need to cover for the Vice Idiot, too? They don’t pay me enough for this.”

Source: Politico

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If it weren’t for the right wing blogosphere and, maybe, ABC’s Jake Tapper, the media would have given Joe Biden a free pass on his stupidity for the last two years.


Joe "Big Daddy" Biden talks tough

Tapper explains the Veep’s latest loopiness:

Last night Vice President Biden sat down for an interview with Larry King – his 49th appearance on the CNN host’s program.

The always-loquacious vice president had a colorful message for the Afghans regarding the timeline for transferring security by 2014, a plan that will be outlined here at the NATO summit in Lisbon.

“Daddy is going to start to take the training wheels off in October — I mean in next July, so you’d better practice riding,” he said.

July. October. Daddy. Uncle Joe. Uncle Sam. Win. Lose. It’s all sort of the same inside the head of Joe Biden.

Can you imagine if, say, Sarah Palin had uttered those same words? The liberal media would have said that “Daddy’s going to take off the training wheels” was the mother of all stupid statements.

But with Biden, a good liberal, what you’re hearing right now is the sound of silence. All crickets, no critics.

Source: ABC News

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Joe Biden is a national treasure. Of course, we also think the Three Stooges are national treasures.


"Oh, yeah, this Obama guy, his brain is a big f'ing deal."

The Vice President did an interview with GQ and didn’t disappoint:

For instance, reporter Lisa DePaulo pressed Biden repeatedly on why President Obama isn’t connecting with the American public and is instead viewed as professorial and aloof. “So what is it?” asked DePaulo.

“I think what it is, is he’s so brilliant. He is an intellectual,” Biden said.

Being called an intellectual by Joe Biden is the very definition of being damned with faint praise.


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Far as we can tell, there are only two possible explanations for this story:

(1) Joe Biden is even dumber than his many words and actions have indicated, (2) Keith Olbermann is even crazier than his many words and actions have indicated.


Going to Keith Olbermann for advice on controlling your temper is like going to Rosie O'Donnell for beauty tips

CNN has the bizarre details:

MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann, suspended indefinitely Friday for donating to Democratic candidates for office, said in an interview two days before his suspension that Vice President Joe Biden once sought his advice.

“I once had a conversation with the man who is now the vice president when he was still in the Senate, who asked me for advice about how to turn anger into righteous inspiration,” Olbermann said in an interview with the New York Times Magazine.

Olbermann added, “He [Biden] said, ‘I just come across like I’m angry and out of control, and you seem to focus it and make it look useful and expressive.’’’

Also noteworthy, Olbermann expressed surprise with Jon Stewart’s criticism of him during the Rally for Sanity.

“I saw that. I was sitting at home, with my notebooks for the election, in that Saturday haze that anybody who does five shows [a week] is still in until the middle of the afternoon on Saturday,” Olbermann said in the interview. “I was thinking: That’s odd. I wouldn’t think of myself in those terms. Why is my videotape there?”

OK. The last paragraph has narrowed down the possibilities for us.

Olbermann is crazy.

Source: CNN

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Two hundred? Two friggin’ hundred? They should have been able to round up 200 union pipe fitters or government workers on an hour’s notice. Two hundred?

The Associated Press has the bad news for Delaware Democrats:


Joe Biden counts the number of Democrat supporters at his Delaware rally

Biden headlined a Democratic rally in downtown Wilmington on Monday evening that drew about 200 people. He was confident Democrats would hold on to the Senate seat that had been his for more than 30 years.

Joining Biden were New Castle County executive Chris Coons, who is considered the favorite in his U.S. Senate race against Republican tea party favorite Christine O’Donnell.

Former lieutenant governor and Democrat John Carney also appeared at the rally. He faces Republican Glen Urquhart for the seat held by Rep. Mike Castle, the Republican who gave up his spot to run for Senate and lost the primary to O’Donnell.

Two hundred? They had the vice president of the United States, the state’s candidate for the United States Senate, and a House candidate and they only drew 200 people?

Christine O’Donnell’s coven is larger than that.

Source: Associated Press

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Speaking at fundraiser for in Manhattan on Tuesday, Joe Biden played a little fast and loose with history. But knowing Biden, he was just making crap up as he went along.


The two railroads met at Promontory Point, Utah. Joe Biden was unable to attend.

The New York Daily News has the details:

“Every single great idea that has marked the 21st century, the 20th century and the 19th century has required government vision and government incentive,” he said. “In the middle of the Civil War you had a guy named Lincoln paying people $16,000 for every 40 miles of track they laid across the continental United States. … No private enterprise would have done that for another 35 years.”

The fact that every word Biden said is either oversimplified, misleading or incorrect tends to weaken his argument about the importance of government intervention. But this is, after all, Joe Biden, so let’s not let the truth interfere with a good story.

Fact is, the transcontinental railroad wasn’t built because of government vision. The term “government vision” is an oxymoron. The concept of a transcontinental railroad had been proposed and pushed by private citizens and private companies for decades. It’s a little known fact of history that Abraham Lincoln represented several major railroads and those with interests in the railroads long before he ever ran for office. It’s been suggested that he was owned – lock, stock and barrel – by he railroads. He continued to represent their interests as long as he was in office.

[click to continue…]

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Joe Biden cops a feel, Joe Biden feels a cop

by editor on October 26, 2010


Joe Biden is a heartbeat away from the Presidency. And from the look on the cop’s face, he’s about a heartbeat away from getting his clock cleaned, too.

The looks on all the participants’ faces are perfect. It’s like Norman Rockwell captured a moment in time on Biden’s Bizarro World.


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Joe Biden says some very odd things. But this one ranks right up there in the top ten. Here’s what he said about President Obama on Friday:

“This guy has a backbone like a ramrod, I kid him he’s got a brain bigger than his skull and he’s got a heart to match both.”

As highly-trained medical specialists, we offer this clause-by-clause analysis of Biden’s comments:

“He has a backbone like a ramrod.” A ramrod, according to, is “a rod for ramming home the charge in a muzzle-loading firearm.” So we think Vice President Biden is implying that President Obama has a very stiff back. Our suggestion? Find a good chiropractor.

“I kid him he’s got a brain bigger than his skull.” We feel badly for the President, because this must be a very painful condition. It undoubtedly keeps him from thinking clearly and explains many of his poor decisions.

“He’s got a heart to match both.” Suddenly, we’ve feeling sorry for all the bad things we’ve said about the President. Had we known he had a heart that was both as hard as a ramrod and bigger than his head, we would have been kinder.

We thank Vice President Biden for bringing the President’s severe medical conditions to the public’s attention.


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Don’t let it go to your head, Joe. It’s not a big f’n deal. In fact, considering how many bad decisions Obama’s made, it’s like bragging that you’re the skinniest guy on Biggest Loser.

But according to our in-depth analysis, Biden truly is Obama’s single best decision, narrowly nosing out Cash-For-Clunkers and bowing to the king of Saudi Arabia.

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