Tag: Fred Thompson

Fred Thompson’s as funny as Joe Biden, but in Fred’s case it’s intentional. The 21st century Will Rogers is back with more 144-character wit and wisdom.

Dead fish washing up along Chicago lakefront. I guess Rahm’s gonna have plenty of presents to send to his political opponents.

Study: Watching TV damages your heart. Would’ve had study to see if watching MSNBC damages brain, but hardly anyone’s at risk.

Obama on unemployment: “talk to Goolsbee. That’s his job.” Yup. It’s Obama’s job to CREATE lousy numbers, not explain them.

New NYC law: no smoking on public sidewalks. Makes sense. Wouldn’t want tobacco smoke polluting car exhaust coming off the street

DC to use yoga to rehab city’s violent youths. Now when cop tells them to assume the position, they’ll stand on 1 leg & chant

Pelosi: “Deficit reduction has been a high priority for us.” Sure. Just like protecting sheep is a high priority for wolves.

In AR: 5,000 blackbirds mysteriously die & fall from sky. How long until Obama makes everyone buy falling-bird insurance?

White House to press: no shirtless Obama pix. Still risky. ANY press encounter w/o ‘prompter may show emperor has no clothes

EPA issues Haz Mat cleanup plan for mercury in CFL bulbs. Maybe we should stick w/ safer lighting technology: whale oil lamps

GOP Sen Coburn: country in for “apocalyptic pain” if spending not cut. Obama’s plan: borrow a bunch of aspirin from China.

Source: Twitter.com/FredThompson

This week’s top ten Fred Thompson tweets do not disappoint. They are everything you’ve come to expect from the 21st Century’s answer to Will Rogers.

1. With unemployment being extended another 13 months, is it maybe time to just start calling it welfare?

2. Gibbs: no cigs for Obama since March. That’s about when Obamacare passed. Looks like he gave up one bad idea for another.

3. WI, OH reject govt hi-speed rail funds. Very good sign: federal government now having a hard time giving away free money.

4. Study: 25% of Gitmo releasees return to terrorism. Obama reportedly “troubled” by their 75% unemployment rate.

5. Dem Sen Menendez:talking to GOP on tax cuts like “negotiating w/ terrorists”. So… Obama won’t be attaching any pre-conditions?

6. Obama hands out 9 pardons, 4 for cocaine crimes. Figure next year’s list will probably all be people who didn’t buy health ins.

7. UN seeks global ban on incandescents. Answers question: “How many bureaucrats does it take to screw up a light bulb?”

8. Oops! Biden tells Kirk to place wrong hand on Bible during swearing in. Joe, you know the difference. Left is side you vote with

9. Survey: DC only #3 on smartest city list. Might’ve been #1 if they’d done the survey while Congress was still out of town.

10. Bulldozer driver in CO discovers ancient pit full of ice age fossils. Huh. Thought Dems’ Congressional leaders were still in DC.

Source: Fred Thompson

Fred Thompson is becoming the 21st century’s answer to Will Rogers with his homespun Twitter commentary on politics and the world. We love the guy.

Obama to help pay off Biden campaign debts. Would that be considered a bailout or a stimulus?

Russia’s Putin gets puppy, holds online contest to name it. Cheating suspected, but so far gotten 10M votes for “Bristol Palin”

Colin Powell:Obama did “good job” on economy. Well, Powell’s Army, where good job often means destroying everything in your path

That Rangel trial… it’s just AMAZING how fast they can get something done when it suits ’em, ain’t it?

Obama interacts w/ robots in Japan. Described experience as “like hanging out with Joe Biden, except with an ‘off’ switch”.

New Obama kids book features short biographies of 13 Americans. Must’ve been hard to not write about himself 13 times in a row.

Bill Maher: “America’s like a dog”. Yup, Dems know. if you kick it long enough, it’ll turn around and bite you.

Post Office loses $8B. The big question: if PO goes bankrupt, who’s gonna deliver the bankruptcy notices to their creditors?

Obama on deficit: “we have to tell the truth”. Not his strong suit. Might need to appoint a Truth Czar. I’m guessing Blago.

Obama at G20 predicts members will reach “a broad-based consensus”. He was right. They all agree Obama’s economic policies stink

Source: @FredThompson

More wit and wisdom in 140-characters or less from the former Senator and star of Law & Order:

Hillary: $150M to Palestinians to help w/ budget. Can’t pay for own govt. No wonder Obama thinks they’re ready for statehood.

Ahmadinejad: Iran’s right to nukes “non-negotiable”. Obama: Ok, let’s negotiate on the negotiability of the non-negotiability.

Olbermann: I got massive support like “Chilean miners”. Probably b/c people wished it were 67 more days before he resurfaced.

US military denies odd contrail over CA was missile launch. Just signal flare from folks seeking rescue from Jerry Brown.

Saw this headline at Politico: “Olbermann Apologizes to Viewers”. I was really surprised. When did he get a second one?

Dem Rep Clyburn: health care “right of every citizen”. Well, good luck w/that, since quitting is still the right of every doctor

NPR’s Liasson: Pelosi like Winston Churchill. True. Neither one will be Speaker of the House next year.

Pelosi throwing party to celebrate accomplishments of Dem Congress. Unnecessary. We just had one of those last Tuesday.

MSNBC’s O’Donnell: “I am a socialist”. Shocking! Like meeting a girl in a tutu & dance shoes and finding out she’s a ballerina.

Bush’s book says when CIA asked to waterboard KSM, he replied “Damn right”. And who opposed coercion to save lives? Damn left.

And, finally, this bonus eleventh Tweet:

New TV series planned about an illegal immigrant working as a private investigator. No title yet. I’m thinking “Law and Holder”.

Source: Fred Thompson

Fred Thompson comments on the world in 140-characters or less:

Obama to Dems: “we need you fired up”. Ya know, I say same thing to Dems in Congress all the time. Except without the “up” part.

Dem Rep Frank: I’m fighting “right-wing smears” from Tea Party “bigots”. What’s REALLY bugging him is that most of them are true

Another DADT ruling: yesterday, if you were in and you were out, you were in. Today, if you’re out and you’re in, you’re out.

Iran says it now has twice as much enriched uranium as it did in June. So THAT’S where Obama’s policies created/saved jobs.

Let’s get this straight – government doesn’t create jobs by waving its magical spending wand: http://bit.ly/dqmjmY

Dem Rep Frank loans $200K to own campaign. Um… has anyone told Barney that if he loses, he doesn’t get a bailout?

Reid: Obama “like the Chilean miners”. Why? Because Obama’s in over his head, or because he’s giving us the shaft?

SCOTUS: jailed felons do NOT have right to vote. Dems should be worried. Next they might rule dead people can’t vote, either.

Boeing to raise health plan prices b/c of Obamacare. I didn’t know Boeing paid so many of its workers over $250,000 a year.

Gibbs:”excitement about what president trying to do”. Yup. Like excitement when someone drives the wrong way down a 1-way street

Source: Fred Thompson on Twitter

We’ve said this before and we’ll undoubtedly say it again: Fred Thompson is one funny man. If he’d been half this funny on the campaign trail, he might be president now.

Day in and day out, he posts the best political tweets on the planet. Like these:

Obama fan throws book at President during PA rally. Obama ignored it. Must’ve thought it was copy of the Constitution #ftrs #tcot

Gallup poll: most people describe govt as “too big”. Obama plans to address problem by accusing Gallup of taking foreign money. #ftrs #tcot

Time Mag: WH “in over its head, isolated, insular, arrogant & clueless”. Wow! That’s pretty harsh! Also, forgot “irresponsible”. #ftrs #tcot

Obama to MD supporters: “don’t make me look bad”. Mr. President, you beat them to it. #ftrs #tcot

Administration announces deporting record 392,000 illegals. Sounds impressive, but it was just the same guy 392,000 times. #ftrs #tcot

Woodward: 2012 Obama-Clinton ticket “on the table” Oh come on… does anyone actually believe Obama would make a good VP? #ftrs #tcot

Biden:will “strangle” next Republican to talk about balanced budget. Empty threat. He’d have to stop strangling economy to do it #ftrs #tcot

Fmr President Carter said his approval in 1978 was 66%. Actually 49%. Well, there WAS a lot of inflation while he was in office. #ftrs #tcot

In WI, firemen rescued 17 people trapped on Ferris wheel. Actually not trapped, just hiding until Russ Feingold speech ended. #ftrs #tcot

Source: Twitter.com/fredthompson

Visit our previous story of 10 other funny Fred Thompson tweets.