Newsweek claims Trump “tweeting and golfing” at Mar-a-Lago… when he was actually visiting troops in Afghanistan. The lyin’ liar who wrote the story, some twit named Jessica Kwong, actually went so far as to describe what he was eating at Mar-a-Lago.
President Obama has recently appointed a Golf Czar and major rule changes in the game of golf will become effective in May 2011.
Things we get in our email box. We just pass them along to you.
President Obama has recently appointed a Golf Czar and major rule changes in the game of golf will become effective in May 2011. This is only a preview as the complete rule book (expect 2000 pages) is being rewritten as we speak. Here are a few of the changes.
Rule 237-A: All beer summits will be held at the 19th hole
Golfers with handicaps:
• below 10 will have their green fees increased by 35%.
• between 11 and 18 will see no increase in green fees.
• above 18 will get a $20 check each time they play.
The term “gimmie” will be changed to “entitlement” and will be used as follows:
• handicaps below 10, no entitlements.
• handicaps from 11 to 17, entitlements for putter length putts.
• handicaps above 18, if your ball is on green, no need to putt, just pick it up.
These entitlements are intended to bring about fairness and, most importantly, equality in scoring.
In addition, a player will be limited to a maximum of one birdie or six pars in any given 18-hole round.
Any excess must be given to those fellow players who have not yet scored a birdie or par.
Only after all players have received a birdie or par from the player actually making the birdie or par, can that player begin to count his pars and birdies again. The current USGA handicap system will be used for the above purposes, but the term “net score” will be available only for scoring those players with handicaps of 18 and above.
This is intended to “re-distribute” the success of winning by making sure that in every competition, the above 18 handicap players will post only “net score” against every other player’s gross score.
These new Rules are intended to CHANGE the game of golf.
Golf must be about Fairness. It should have nothing to do with ability, hard work, practice, and responsibility. This is the “right thing to do.”
Like we said, this just showed up in our mailbox. If you know who originally wrote it, let us know so we can give credit where credit is due.
New York Times writer Jeff Zeleney guested on MSNBC’s “The Daily Rundown” to discuss the issue and he exposed the president as a part time holy roller, with more of his Sunday mornings spent tending to putting than praying.
A new Pew Research poll shows that an increasing number of Americans (one in five) now believe Barack Obama is a Muslim. (NOTE: A Time poll also released Thursday says 24% of voters believe the President is a Muslim.)
New York Times writer Jeff Zeleney guested on MSNBC’s “The Daily Rundown” to discuss the issue and he exposed the president as a part time holy roller, with more of his Sunday mornings spent tending to putting than praying.
No surprise to the American public there, but it was astounding to hear what the White House’s solution to the poll will be. Zeleney advised host Chuck Todd that Obama will now switch to campaign mode (at the 4:09 mark of the video).
“What does the president do almost every Sunday?” Zeleney asked. “He plays golf. I think now you’ll be seeing Obama go to church more, white churches, black churches, you name it churches, to show he is Christian.”
So Obama will limit his golf outings to attend Sunday services, not to pray and worship, but to make political hay. The president’s handicap isn’t nineteen, it’s his pandering.
Co-host Savannah Guthrie attempted to end the segment by reminding viewers that the poll was taken before the President’s remarks on the Ground Zero mosque, implying that the numbers might even be worse now. But cohost and White House water boy Todd couldn’t let the segment close on a negative note so he interrupted to tell viewers “The President gets a daily Bible verse sent to his Blackberry. Every. Single. Day.”
But tell us, Chuck, does he also get passages from the Koran? And which does he delete, which does he read?
Obama plays golf about every week. So, how could someone who plays that much have such a horrible swing? Here is a video analysis of President Obama’s golf swing.
Our friends at IOwnTheWorld.com (we’ve traded emails with them and in today’s digital world that’s what’s called a deep, meaningful relationship) put out this hilarious video analysis of President Obama’s golf swing.
To summarize: Keep your eye on the ball, maintain your balance, keep your legs slightly bent, keep your hands slightly in front of the ball upon impact, hold on to your cell phone.
George Bush stopped playing golf after 9/11. President Obama has played golf seven times since the Gusher in the Gulf began. 30
George Bush stopped playing golf after 9/11. President Obama has played golf seven times since the Gusher in the Gulf began.
May we respectfully suggest, Mr. President, that you plug the damn holes. All 18 of them. Have the decency to appear that you actually care about this disaster – and the rest of your job, for that matter – more than your own recreation.
You know Barack Obama is about to tee off on another 18-holes when he informs the world that he’ll never rest until something-or-other happens.
President Barack Obama announced today that he will not rest until he plays another 18 holes
You always knew Bill Clinton was getting ready to deliver some bad news when he started a sentence with the words, “I’ve never worked so hard in my life….”
Similarly, you know Barack Obama is about to tee off on another 18-holes when he informs the world that he’ll never rest until something-or-other happens. As in:
“Obama ‘Will Not Rest’ Until Healthcare Reformed”–headline, Agence France-Presse, May 11
“Obama: ‘I Will Not Rest’ Until Businesses Are Hiring”–headline, RealClearPolitics.com, Nov. 23
“Obama Says ‘We Will Not Rest’ Until Plotters Found”–headline, Bloomberg.com, Dec. 28
President Obama channeled O.J. Simpson today when he said, “We will not rest until we find all who were involved and hold them accountable.” Then he hit the golf course in Hawaii.
"Ssssssh. I think the al-Qaeda terrorists are hiding in the sand traps surrounding the 14th green."
President Obama channeled O.J. Simpson today when he said, “We will not rest until we find all who were involved and hold them accountable.”
Then, according to Politico, “A half-hour after President Obama vowed to catch the terrorists behind a plot to blow up a plane on Christmas, he arrived at 10:40 a.m. at the Luana Hills Country Club, where a golf course winds through a rain forest, the pool reports. The club is below inland cliffs and the towering Mt. Olomana.”
Apparently, golf courses are now the preferred choice of hideouts for bloodthirsty killers. After erroneously being found not guilty of killing his wife, O.J. Simpson also declared that he would spend the rest of his life searching for the real killers, then went out and played 18 holes.
The president reportedly spent a lot of time in the sand traps looking for the al-Qaeda terrorists in their native habitat.
In a case of remarkably bad timing, the cover story on this month’s Golf Digest is “10 Tips Obama Can Take From Tiger.” Turns out, though, that Tiger actually had 20 tips for the President, but space constraints forced Golf Digest to print just ten of them. Luckily, we have uncovered the tips that didn’t make the cut
In a case of remarkably bad timing, the cover story on this month’s Golf Digest is “10 Tips Obama Can Take From Tiger.”
Turns out, though, that Tiger actually had 20 tips for the President, but space constraints forced Golf Digest to print just ten of them.
Luckily, the Woodward & Bernstein-like investigative reporters at IHateTheMedia.com have uncovered the tips that didn’t make the cut:
10. If you’ve played the wrong hole, just take the penalty and move on.
9. Never let a stranger touch your putter.
8. Never switch holes in the middle of a round.
7. If it’s out-of-bounds, even if it looks like you could hit it, it’s out-of-bounds.
6. Remember that playing the wrong hole is loss of hole in match play.
5. A stiff shaft and a big head are no guarantee your balls will go straight.
4. In fact, the bigger the head, the greater the odds your balls will go astray.
3. The grass is always greener over there on that other course you’ve always wanted to play.
2. Trading your old bag for a new bag can really mess up your game.
1. Hey, Michelle is hot. What’s she doing Saturday morning at, say, 7:18?
On one hand, it pisses us off that the President spends so much time on the golf course while the nation is faced with so many problems. On the other hand, the more golf he plays, the less time he has to come up with socialist solutions to those problems.
Barack Obama just played his 25th round of golf since he was sworn in as president.
Next time he plays 18, maybe he could take his cabinet out there to discuss the economy. Or the Joint Chiefs of Staff to figure out the war in Afghanistan. Or even Jeremiah Wright to discuss that God Damn America.
On one hand, it pisses us off that the President spends so much time on the golf course while the nation is faced with so many problems. On the other hand, the more golf he plays, the less time he has to come up with socialist solutions to those problems.
Research teams at the Danish Golf Union have discovered it takes between 100 to 1,000 years for a golf ball to decompose naturally. A startling fact when it is also estimated 300 million balls are lost or discarded in the United States alone.
Where is George Costanza when we need him?
Research teams at the Danish Golf Union have discovered it takes between 100 to 1,000 years for a golf ball to decompose naturally. A startling fact when it is also estimated 300 million balls are lost or discarded in the United States alone, every year. It seems the simple plastic golf ball is increasingly becoming a major litter problem.
The scale of the dilemma was underlined recently in Scotland, where scientists — who scoured the watery depths in a submarine hoping to discover evidence of the prehistoric Loch Ness monster — were surprised to find hundreds of thousands of golf balls lining the bed of the loch.
Whoever designed this program must have had too many brewskis at the 19th hole. It’s like Cash-for-Clunkers on steroids.
Did anyone notice the moment when economic stimulus ended and economic madness began?
Whoever designed this program must have had too many brewskis at the 19th hole. It’s like Cash-for-Clunkers on steroids.
Let’s just let the Wall Street Journal report this one while we take a few practice swings:
The federal (tax) credit provides from $4,200 to $5,500 for the purchase of an electric vehicle, and when it is combined with similar incentive plans in many states the tax credits can pay for nearly the entire cost of a golf cart. Even in states that don’t have their own tax rebate plans, the federal credit is generous enough to pay for half or even two-thirds of the average sticker price of a cart, which is typically in the range of $8,000 to $10,000. “The purchase of some models could be absolutely free,” Roger Gaddis of Ada Electric Cars in Oklahoma said earlier this year. “Is that about the coolest thing you’ve ever heard?”
The golf-cart boom has followed an IRS ruling that golf carts qualify for the electric-car credit as long as they are also road worthy. These qualifying golf carts are essentially the same as normal golf carts save for adding some safety features, such as side and rearview mirrors and three-point seat belts. They typically can go 15 to 25 miles per hour.
In South Carolina, sales of these carts have been soaring as dealerships alert customers to Uncle Sam’s giveaway. “The Golf Cart Man” in the Villages of Lady Lake, Florida is running a banner online ad that declares: “GET A FREE GOLF CART. Or make $2,000 doing absolutely nothing!”
Golf Cart Man is referring to his offer in which you can buy the cart for $8,000, get a $5,300 tax credit off your 2009 income tax, lease it back for $100 a month for 27 months, at which point Golf Cart Man will buy back the cart for $2,000. “This means you own a free Golf Cart or made $2,000 cash doing absolutely nothing!!!” You can’t blame a guy for exploiting loopholes that Congress offers.
This is obviously the Obama administration’s attempt to reach across the aisle to the rich country club Republicans.
Pardon us, but this story makes us want to go whack a few balls.
Barack Obama is in Martha’s Vineyard vacationing. One member of it foursome is very interesting: Mr. Robert Wolf of UBS, most recently in the headlines for the ongoing case in which it’s accused of helping wealthy clients evade taxes.
The President cautions the media not to mention who was in his foursome
Sometimes it’s the juxtaposition of seemingly unrelated items that makes a third item pop out. Here’s what we mean:
News item #1: In the early months of his presidency, everyone President Obama tried to appoint to his administration had tax evasion problems.
News items #2: The IRS has forced UBS, the Swiss banking giant, to reveal the names of its American clients with secret Swiss accounts.
News Item #3: While vacationing on Martha’s Vineyard, the President is playing golf.
The fact that the president is playing golf is unremarkable in itself, but one member of his foursome is very interesting. Here’s how Politico.com reports it:
[Obama] played some tennis with the First Lady, is going to hit the links today with Congressman Clyburn, Mr. [Robert] Wolf of UBS, and Marvin Nicholson of the White House.
Wolf is the president of UBS, most recently in the headlines for the ongoing case in which it’s accused of helping wealthy clients evade taxes. Which is to say that this new foundation stuff has its limits.
… Wolf is not only President of UBS Americas Group, he is also Obama’s biggest campaign bundler. And yet, just last week the IRS Commissioner said on television that UBS “was facilitating tax evasion.” This seems like one of those cases where the media would have some questions if Obama were a Republican.
No wonder Obama didn’t want the press taking any photos of his vacation.
According to Chrysler, their new 2009 Chrysler Peapod will have a “new look and feel.” And if that doesn’t give you a warm glow about President Obama’s brilliant investment, they also say it has an “innovative, groundbreaking design.”
What’s Chrysler doing with those billions of tax dollars you’ve so kindly handed them? Trust us, you don’t want to know. But since you asked, it’s our obligation as journalists to tell you the truth.
How innovative can the PeaPod be when it looks just like a golf cart?
Sigh. According to Chrysler, their new 2009 Chrysler Peapod will have a “new look and feel.” And if that doesn’t give you a warm glow about President Obama’s brilliant investment, they also say it has an “innovative, groundbreaking design.”
Are we the only ones who think this concept may have been originally sketched on a cocktail napkin on the 19th hole at some golf course outside Dearborn, Michigan?
You know all that bail out money President Obama’s poured into Chrysler? Kiss it good-bye.
We feel pretty confident saying that Kim Jong-Il is a friggin’ lunatic, even though his father dubbed him “the Dear Leader” and “a genius of 10,000 talents.”.
Other than the fact that we are highly-trained psychologists, what gives us the right to say that? Well, just consider these 25 idiosyncrasies of the little nutcase:
Wears oversized, tinted Elvis Presley-style sunglasses.
Almost always wears a jumpsuit. Almost always the same color.
Applauds whenever his army goosesteps past him.
Has been known to throw banquets that last for up to four days.
Once ordered his agents to kidnap South Korean director Shin Sang-Ok and actress wife Choi Eun-Hee to make propaganda films, including a revolutionary version of Godzilla.
Consumes more Hennessy VSOP congnac than anyone else in the world. Reportedly spends more than $650,000 a year to import his favorite elixir.
Once downed 10 glasses of wine during a meeting with South Korean President Kim Dae-jung.
Reportedly owns more than 20,000 films.
Has personally selected a group of young women he calls the Pleasure Brigade to provide his “home entertainment.”
His fear of flying is so extreme that he travels to Russia and China on a private train.
Claims to be an expert horseman although no evidence exists to prove it.
Claims he has a photographic memory and superhuman powers of recall.
Claims he shot a remarkable 11 holes in one during his first 18 holes of golf.
Has been accused of masterminding the 1983 assassination attempt on the South Korean President Chun Doo-hwan.
Millions of North Koreans starved to death as a result of Kim’s gross mismanagement of the rural economy.
Has only spoken nine words in public: “Glory to the heroic soldiers of the people’s army!”
Claims that when he was born, “a double rainbow appeared over the mountain and a new star formed in the skies.”
Once ordered five female disco dancers to strip, then ordered other North Korean officials to dance with them.
After being knocked unconscious in an equestrian accident, demanded that his administrative staff be injected with the same painkiller with which he was injected. He didn’t want to become the only one addicted to it.
Wears elevator shoes.
Wears a puffy pompadour.
Claims to have written 1,500 books — almost one per day – during his university years.
Eclectic taste in movies: Loves “The Godfather,” James Bond, “Friday the 13th,” Daffy Duck, and Elizabeth Taylor.
Once said of himself, “Small as a midget’s turd, aren’t I?”
Claims his election was so momentous that pear trees bloomed in autumn.
On the other hand, Former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright called him “charming.” Can’t argue with that in depth analysis.
In a case of remarkably bad timing, the cover story on this month’s Golf Digest is “10 Tips Obama Can Take From Tiger.”
What’s Chrysler doing with those billions of tax dollars you’ve so kindly handed them? Trust us, you don’t want to know. But since you asked, it’s our obligation as journalists to tell you the truth.
We feel pretty confident saying that Kim Jong-Il is a friggin’ lunatic, even though his father dubbed him “the Dear Leader” and “a genius of 10,000 talents.”.