Tag: nudity

Life imitates Seinfeld IV: Omaha woman cleans houses top to bottom and topless to bottomless

This is one of those days when a blogger wakes up early because he hears the internet screaming his name. Consider this Seinfeldian story from Omaha.com.

This is one of those days when a blogger wakes up early because he hears the internet screaming his name. Consider this Seinfeldian story from Omaha.com:

An Omaha woman offers a different uniform while she cleans house: topless, bottomless or fully nude.

This week, a brochure advertising those services was distributed in the neighborhood near 83rd and Burt Streets.

The business, ODD’Z & EN’Z Janitorial & More, advertises “house cleaning and more . . . in plain or exotic professional attire,” as well as cooking services and child care, according to the flier.

House cleaning by a nude maid starts at $125, according to the flier. Nude cleaning with “satisfaction” is $175.

The business owner, Kia Carroll, 27, said she’s not a prostitute. Instead, she said, “I am providing entertainment, cleaning up houses and having fun doing it.”

Omaha.com gets down to the barenaked truth:

Carroll said she has been cleaning houses for two years, but the exotic twist is a relatively new thing. A while back, she said, a client asked her to help out with a barbecue. Carroll said the client asked “if I had any exotic clothes I could wear.”

The idea was born.

If Carroll serves beer while she cleans, she may be the best house cleaner ever. EVER.

Source: Omaha.com

O’Reilly laughs at idiot guest who claims Scott Brown’s nude centerfold gives him big advantage in election

It think that there are a number of factors here,” Sally Quinn contended. “It’s not quite as black and white as it may seem. First of all Scott Brown is a hunk. And, I think that the fact that he posed semi-nude for a magazine gave him a huge advantage in public recognition.”

Sally Quinn is still alive? Well, we’ll be dipped.

As surprised as we were to find out that the Washington Post columnist is still alive, Bill O’Reilly was even more surprised to find out she’s a complete idiot.

“It think that there are a number of factors here,” Quinn contended. “It’s not quite as black and white as it may seem. First of all Scott Brown is a hunk. And, I think that the fact that he posed semi-nude for a magazine gave him a huge advantage in public recognition.”

O’Reilly was surprisingly kind in pointing out the stupidity of the contention that a 20-year old photo spread could boost anyone’s name recognition today.

Damn, win or lose, this has been one fun election. Can’t remember the last time we saw anything as funny as the way libs are twisting and turning.

Olbermann wants to know why Scott Brown’s nude Cosmo centerfold hasn’t become a political liability

Left wing lunatic Keith Olbermann looks at Massachusetts Republican Scott Brown’s nude centerfold in Cosmo and wonders why it hasn’t become an overwhelming political negative for the candidate.

And this, friends, underscores the fact that there truly is a huge philosophical difference between MSNBC hosts Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews.

Click to enlarge. The photo, that is.

What’s the difference?

Left wing lunatic Keith Olbermann looks at Massachusetts Republican Scott Brown’s nude centerfold in Cosmo and wonders why it hasn’t become an overwhelming political negative for the candidate. But left wing lunatic Chris Matthews looks at the same centerfold and quietly wonders why he’s getting another one of those thrills up his leg.

See, there really are differences between the two.

Maybe Governor Sanford was just trying to help the environment

Maybe Governor Sanford was just trying to help the environment – Living more hours naked each day’ has ‘positive effect’ on global warming

South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford admits affair
Source: Politico.com

‘Living more hours naked each day’ has ‘positive effect’ on global warming
Source: NY Times via Drudge

Enough about taxes. Let’s pause briefly for a little media nudity.

Padma Kakshmi, former wife of Salmon Rushdi. Well, I'll be fatwahed.
Padma Kakshmi, former wife of Salmon Rushdi. Well, I'll be fatwahed.

So there’s a magazine out there called Allure. Or so we’ve been told.

One of the IHateTheMedia.com wives describes it as “sort of a cross between Shape and Vogue with lots of fashion and make-up and stuff like that.”

So the May issue of the magazine is called “The Nude Issue.” It features Top Chef host (and former wife of Salmon Rushdi) Padma Lakshmi, E! talk show host Chelsea Handler and “Dollhouse” star Eliza Dushku stripped down to…well…nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Chelsea Handler
Chelsea Handler

Rest assured, this is tasteful nudity. Artistic, one might even say. And as supporters of the arts, they’re right up our tasteful alley. Our review of the art can be summed up in a word:

Va-va-voom.

“I tend to sleep in the nude… I’m a sensual-leaning woman,” Padma said. “You have to use the word ‘leaning’ or it sounds like I’m boasting.”

Eliza Dushku
Eliza Dushku

When asked about her favorite body part, Chelsea said: “My boobs are good. They’re real and perky.”

Eliza: “I’ll strip down to my underwear and my Ugg boots when I eat lunch in my trailer.”

We just have one question. What time is lunch?

Source: Allure via HuffingtonPost.com

They’re naked, they’re Spanish, they’re lunatics

naked Spanish seal hunting protestors
Our high school Spanish is a little rusty, but we think he's ordering the #7 combination.

They had a lunatic convention in Madrid yesterday. They weren’t certifiable lunatics, of course, but they might as well have been. No matter what their mental state, it certainly made the media sit up and take notice.

One hundred or so senors y senoritas threw off their clothes and threw themselves on the ground in the Spanish capital to protest Canada’s annual seal hunt. We’re pretty sure there’s some sort of symbolism involved here, but we haven’t quite zeroed in on what it is.

The lunatics smeared themselves with a red liquid that represented the blood that’s spilled during the “massacre” (their word) of seals. Most of them were bare ass naked, but some of the more modest protestors wore red underwear.

“We want to sensitize people to the fact that animals are capable of feeling and suffering like us,” said Silvia Toval, “and to protest against the massacre of hundreds of thousands of seals which is about to begin in Canada.”

The seal hunt has been a tradition in Canada for 350 years. This year, the nation has approved killing 275,000 seals on the Atlantic coast.

Here’s our take: The hunt is brutal. We don’t want to see it. Don’t even want to hear about it.

We don’t want to know how sausage is made, either. But we’re not going to strip naked in Times Square in some sort of misguided pig protest.

Not after that last time.

Source: Breitbart

The economy is so bad Playboy can’t afford boobs

seth_roganWant to know why Playboy is struggling? To put it in terms a Playboy reader can understand, why pay for the cow when the milk is free? (In case that was too subtle, we mean to say that there’s so much free porn on the internet that no one is willing to pay for “sophisticated” nudity anymore.)

OK, we’ve put this off long enough. Let’s just say it quickly and get it over with. “Knocked Up” star Seth Rogan’s ugly mug will be on the cover of Playboy’s March (oops, correction) April issue. Maybe Christie Hefner hasn’t noticed but he’s a man. A dude. A guy.

Shame on Playboy. This sad little ploy reeks of desperation and screams, “Publicity stunt.”

It really doesn’t matter to us because we haven’t read Playboy since college. Oh, hell, who do we think we’re kidding? We didn’t read it then. Never actually noticed that it had words.

Blind man buys nude photo of Madonna for $37,500

Click for full image of photo. Warning: NSFW.
Click for full image of photo. WARNING: NSFW.

We don’t know much about art, but we know ugly when we see it. And that would pretty much sum up our opinion of Madonna.

Nevertheless, someone with an apparently severe vision impairment has paid Christie’s Auction House $37,500 for a full-frontal, nude photo of the pop queen as a 20-year-old.

Madonna was still using her full name — Madonna Louise Ciccone — when the photo was taken. She landed the gig after answering a classified ad seeking a nude model. She may have earned as little as $25 for the photo session.

We just wish we could be there when this poor blind man gets home, proudly unveils his purchase, and his family tells him what it actually is. Continue reading “Blind man buys nude photo of Madonna for $37,500”

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