Category: Music

Did Putin attend secret ABBA concert? He says, “Nyet.”

Я люблю ТКАНЬ ИЗ ВЕРБЛЮЖЬЕЙ ШЕРСТИ. Они заставляют меня чувствовать себя настолько сладким и веселым!
Я люблю ТКАНЬ ИЗ ВЕРБЛЮЖЬЕЙ ШЕРСТИ. Они заставляют меня чувствовать себя настолько сладким и веселым!

In case you haven’t noticed, Russian pseudo-czar Vladimir Putin one very strange dude. As if his obviously-staged shirtless photos weren’t enough, there’s this story.

Bjorn Again, an act that has imitated the Swedish pop group ABBA for years, says they were flown to Russia to perform the strangest concert of their careers.

The band’s manager said they were driven nine hours through snowy countryside to a military base where the group was housed in barracks and ate with Russian soldiers. Later they were taken to a tiny theatre where the Russian strongman and a handful of guests watched the performance through a gauze curtain intended to obscure Putin’s identity.

Putin’s representatives say the story is a complete fabrication. But seriously, wouldn’t you say the same thing.

Good lord, man, Vladimir Putin likes ABBA. He’s an even more hideous monster than we ever suspected.

Cher says Republicans almost killed her. Can’t they do anything right?

We’ve heard for years that Republicans don’t have that killer instinct. Apparently, it’s true. Multiple plastic surgery survivor Cher says that living under Republican rule almost killed her.

And she was just getting started. She also said she can’t fathom why anyone wants to be a Republican and that President Obama’s “intelligence” and “spirit” is “so great” he will accomplish “more than anyone could possibly do.”

When asked to explain her comment that Republicans almost “killed” her, the diva was a tad hazy on details.

“My face has been stretched so tight I can barely open my lips,” she may as well have said, “but that doesn’t stop me from saying really stupid things.”

Creative accounting: now Hollywood wants bail-out money

http://youtube.com/watch?v=TctjzEeNnI4The more creative you are in Hollywood, the more money you make. Especially if your specialty is accounting.

Hollywood has now lined-up with tin cups in hand, begging for an infusion of tax dollars. One provision of the “stimulus” bill would have given new film projects an immediate 50% write-off.

Republicans, lead by Senator Tom Coburn (R-OK), shamed Democrats into stripping $246 million in movie industry tax breaks from the bloated bill.

They contend Hollywood doesn’t need they money. “They had their best January ever,” Coburn said.

If one were cynical, one might assume the tax breaks were designed as a payback for the campaign dollars Hollywood showered on Obama.

To see how the Hollywood bail-out would have been structured, Democrats watched the attached instructional video.

NY Times writer begged Springsteen to attack ‘corporate fat cats’

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjbSD6OImjUThe Boss was on his best behavior during his Super Bowl halftime show, much to the dismay of a wacko New York Times columnist.

Sportswriter Harvey Araton urged Springsteen to make a political statement during his time in the spotlight. Here’s what Araton said:

“Maybe we’ll get lucky and there will be at least one bold moment Sunday night when Springsteen goes rogue and rails against — oh, I don’t know — offensive Wall Street bonuses, $18.4 billion worth. Go ahead, Bruce. Make those corporate fat cats squirm on their sofas.”

Luckily, Springsteen didn’t comply. The only protest came when he asked his vocal chords to do what they are no longer capable of doing.

Etta James doesn’t like Obama’s ears, wants to whup Beyonce’s ass

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3cVy311QVVEYou can’t make this stuff up. But it looks like as long as the Obama administration is around, you won’t have to.

According to TMZ.com, legendary 71-year-old singer Etta James made it clear that she will be inviting neither President Obama nor Beyoncé Knowles over for tea.

Beyoncé sang Etta’s song “At Last” at Obama’s Inauguration Ball. But James was still, shall we say, angry at a concert in Seattle last week.

“Your President, the one with the big ears,” she told the crowd, “…he had that woman singing my song. She gonna get her ass whipped.” (Click here for audio)

In other news, the Obama administration introduced legislation today making it illegal to make comments about a president’s ears. “It’s mere coincidence that President Obama looks like a taxi cab with the doors open,” said a congressional spokesman. “This legislation will protect all future presidents, too.”

Chick fight! Ashley Judd vs. Sarah Palin

Take that Sarah!
Ashley has the first move on Sarah but the fight is not over yet!

Oh, this should be good. Really good. One of Hollywood’s hottest actresses versus America’s hottest governor.

Actress Ashley Judd and Defenders of Wildlife Action Fund have teamed up to target Alaska Governor Sarah Palin’s environmental record. They’re upset because Palin allegedly promotes the aerial killing of wolves in Alaska.

“It is time,” Judd says, “to stop Sarah Palin and stop this senseless savagery.”

We have a deeply held belief that all disputes should be settled through civil discourse. To advance that cause, we believe the only way for Judd and Palin to resolve their dispute is a mud wrestling match. We’ll referee.

Please send our Nobel Peace Prize to us in care of IHateTheMedia.com.

Streisand says Obama is intelligent and smart

dumb_and_dumber1This may be obvious and apparent, but Barbra Streisand is redundant and repetitive.

“It was the most thrilling thing to watch this man Obama, Barack Obama, become the president of United States,” Streisand said. “It’s such a wonderful thing for our country and our world. He’s so intelligent and so smart.”

She made her reiterative comment while promoting the DVD release of her 25-year old flopped and failed movie Yentl.

Barbra Streisand, nutcase. But now that we think about it, that seems to be a little redundant, too.

Neil Young to release worst album in history of music

You won’t get much of an argument from anyone if you say Neil Young is the worst singer in the history of rock ‘n roll.

Yet despite this seemingly insurmountable handicap, he’s managed to produce a couple pretty good songs over the years.

But now the aging rocker is about to release a CD completely dedicated to songs about electric cars. That’s not a typo. Electric cars. “Fork in the Road” includes catchy titles like “Cough Up the Bucks,” “Hit the Road,” “Get Around” and “Fuel Line.”

Here’s a video of the title track. Consider yourself warned.

Obama tells advertisers to keep their hands off his face

Looks like the honeymoon is over for entrepreneurs trying to profit from the president’s image.

“Our lawyers are working on developing a policy that will protect the presidential image,” said a White House spokesperson, “while being careful not to squelch the overwhelming enthusiasm that the public has for the president.”

Obama’s “Yes We Can” campaign is being used to promote everything from do-it-yourself furniture to low-priced airfares. But our favorite is leftwing Ben & Jerry’s “Yes Pecan” ice cream flavor.

Too bad for us. We were just getting ready to launch a gazillion dollar ad campaign using that video of Obama flipping Hilary the bird. It just seems to perfectly express the philosophy at IHateTheMedia.com.

Back to the drawing boards for us.

Do Bruce Springsteen a favor. Don’t buy his CD at Wal-Mart.

photo by Y0si
photo by Y0si

Bruce Springsteen now says he shouldn’t have made a deal to sell his greatest hits CD exclusively at Wal-Mart.

Fans criticized The Boss because Wal-Mart has been accused of unfair labor practices. Springsteen, on the other hand, has always supported workers’ rights.

“It was a mistake,” Springsteen said. “Our batting average is usually very good, but we missed that one. Fans will call you on that stuff, as it should be.”

Maybe The Boss has a point. Don’t buy his new CD at Wal-Mart. In fact, don’t buy it anywhere.

We’re here for you, Brucie.

Jessica Simpson is a really big star (anyone have a tape measure?)

photos from dailymail.co.uk
photos from dailymail.co.uk Click photo to go there
Where’s that internet kid who became famous for crying his eyes out and screeching, “Just leave Britney alone.” Jessica Simpson is looking for him.

The photo on the left was taken this week as Jessica opened for Rascal Flatts in Greenville, South Carolina. The photo on the right was taken in another galaxy long ago and far away.

We refuse to be drawn into this sordid controversy. Here at I Hate The Media, we like to keep ourselves above the tawdry, everyday issues that concern small-minded people.

But we sure would enjoy the hell out of it if you’d add a funny photo caption to our comment section.

Obama campaign celeb says, “F— tha Police”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ro08bILEvqcWe’re into deep introspection here at I Hate the Media. Every once in a while we look at our lives and think, “Perhaps we should show the media a little more love.”

Then we’re jolted back to reality when we find a quote from some bonehead like Russell Simmons.

Simmons, co-founder of Def Jam Records, who campaigned extensively for President Obama, recently told reporters that his favorite song is “F— tha Police.”

When asked if Obama’s election would inspire rappers to be less explicit in their lyrics, Simmons said he does not see a problem with their vulgarities.

Thank you, Russell. It’s stupidity like yours that makes our lives worth living.

Paul McCartney’s new girlfriend hides horrible secret

barbara-waltersEx-Beatle Paul McCartney has a new girlfriend, a socialite named Nancy Shevell.

The good news is that unlike McCartney’s previous wife, Shevell is apparently rational, has millions of dollars of her own, and best of all, two fully-functional legs.

The bad news is that Shevell is Barbara Walters’ cousin.

Although we’re sure this is heartbreaking news for McCartney, we always feel it’s better that things like this come out before the wedding. We’re just sorry that we had to be the bearers of bad news.

(In order to maintain our remarkably high standards of journalistic integrity, we must report that this is a complete lie. There is nothing we enjoy more than being the bearers of bad news. Yee-haw!)

Obama takes us past race, Jay-Z brings us back

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p68XfbBmnM0You may have read the news that the election of President Obama has miraculously leapfrogged society past the divisive race issue. Someone should tell his pals Jay-Z, who was given a seat in the VIP section at the inauguration, and fellow-rapper Young Jeezy.

First, they wrote and produced a racist rant disguised as “music” titled “My President Is Black (read the lyrics if you can stomach it).”

Then these two musical geniuses went to a Washington, D.C. club after the inauguration and began screaming racist obscenities that were captured by a videographer, shown in the accompanying video of a Fox News report that contains the entire, disgusting event.

Warning: both links contain obscenities. But they both demonstrate the moral vacuum into which popular music has descended.

By the way, what the hell kind of name is “Young Jeezy” anyway?

Britney Spears is a garbage mouth

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PH2d_PlN0XUIn a sign that Armageddon has been briefly delayed, radio stations from coast to coast are threatening to ban Britney Spears’ latest single, “If U Seek Amy.”

Why? The lyrics say, “But all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek Amy.” Looks innocent enough. But when you hear it sung, those lyrics unmistakably say, “But all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to F-U-C-K-me.”

Turns out mothers don’t want their young daughters singing the blatantly obscene song. Bowing to pressure, Spears has reported changed the title of the song to “If You See Amy.”

Warning: The attached video contains the offensive audio track. The faint of heart should not listen. The morally degenerate should listen repeatedly.

Larry King’s son wants to be black

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YXJI3dpO_A4Ancient orange-haired septuagenarian talkmeister Larry King has revealed that his youngest son (from his seventh marriage) is so enamored with Barack Obama that he wants to be black.

“My younger son Cannon, he is eight,” said King. “And he now says that he would like to be black. I’m not kidding. He said there’s a lot of advantages. Black is in.”

When pressed by reporters, King also admitted his son wishes he hadn’t been named after a fat TV detective from the 70s, wishes life with his father wasn’t quite so much like “Weekend At Bernie’s,” and wishes he understood why seven women have seen fit to marry daddy.

American Idol tops American idolatry

Barack Obama may have defeated John McCain, but Simon Cowell looks like a far more formidable opponent.

Fox’s “American Idol” won the popular vote on Tuesday with ABC’s coverage of the inaugural balls finishing a distant second.

Preliminary Nielsen numbers show that the first hour of “American Idol” brought in 22.4 million viewers. ABC’s “Neighborhood Ball: An Inauguration Celebration” scored only 12.6 million viewers.

Ronald Reagan’s 1981 inauguration, the most watched in history, scored 41.8 million viewers.

The American Idol judges watched the attached video of Barack Obama singing. Simon, Randy and Kara said, “No.” Paula asked if she could be ambassador to Funkytown.

Disney CEO scrapes by on 51 million in ’08

Robert IgerRobert Iger, CEO of Disney, received a pay package worth $51.1 million in fiscal 2008. That was up a whopping 85 percent from a year earlier. Unfortunately, most of it came in stock options that are currently worthless.

The Magic Kingdom has also announced several new attractions in their amusement park division — The Haunted Soup Kitchen, Pirates of Wall Street, and Dumbo the Flying Stockholder.

ABC pres blames Nielsen for low ratings

ABC logoABC entertainment president Steve McPherson blamed decaying TV ratings on Nielsen Media Research, saying the ratings measurement firm doesn’t count enough forms of audience viewing.

In related news, Japan blamed Pearl Harbor on the United States, Hilary Clinton blamed Bill’s problems on a vast right wing conspiracy, and the pot called the kettle black.

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