Ex-Beatle Paul McCartney has a new girlfriend, a socialite named Nancy Shevell.
The good news is that unlike McCartney’s previous wife, Shevell is apparently rational, has millions of dollars of her own, and best of all, two fully-functional legs.
The bad news is that Shevell is Barbara Walters’ cousin.
Although we’re sure this is heartbreaking news for McCartney, we always feel it’s better that things like this come out before the wedding. We’re just sorry that we had to be the bearers of bad news.
(In order to maintain our remarkably high standards of journalistic integrity, we must report that this is a complete lie. There is nothing we enjoy more than being the bearers of bad news. Yee-haw!)
