Category: Newspaper

Where does mania stop and Obama-mania begin?

freudThe Washington Post invited readers to send special messages to our new Fearless Leader on inauguration day. They reserved the right to reject negative ads, but didn’t appear to reject any ads for stupidity.

“I will be in the crowd in front of the Capitol today to witness this historic moment,” said one. “You should have my resume on file…I figured this was the best way to get in touch with you.”

“Congratulations,” said another. “Your leadership is required to change the Psyche of the Personal Economic Unit to solve the problem created by Wall Street.”

This administration doesn’t need a Surgeon General. It needs a Psychiatrist General.

Helen Thomas: old as dirt, dumb as a rock

angry_catAnyone who thought the election of Barack Obama was going to declaw Hearst columnist Helen Thomas got a rude awakening at yesterday’s White House press briefing.

Thomas demanded to know why President Obama wants to send more troops into Afghanistan. Without waiting for an answer, she gave her own. We’re doing it, she said, to “kill more people.

At least Thomas is consistent. Historians tell us she also asked George Washington why he wanted to kill innocent Hessians, asked James Polk why he wanted to kill innocent Mexicans, and asked President Lincoln why he wanted to kill innocent Southerners.

Obama’s illegal alient aunt moves to Cleveland

cleveland signThe incredibly partisan Associated Press has finally done something right. Late, but right.

They used the Freedom of Information Act to obtain federal documents that
prove the Bush administration made it impossible for Immigration officials
to arrest Obama¹s illegal alien aunt before the election

Zeituni Onyango, Obama’s late father’s half-sister was living in public housing in Boston at the time. She is now believed to be living in Cleveland.

We say, “Give the woman a break.” Isn’t living in Cleveland punishment enough?

NY Times no longer able to borrow, resorts to stealing

The bad news continues for the nation’s leading newspaper company. Last week, its financial condition was downgraded by financial rating companies. This week they’re reporting is being downgraded.

A company called GateHouse Media has accused the NY Times of copyright infringement. They say Boston.com (a unit of the NY Times-owned Boston Globe) shredded copyright laws by “lifting” their headlines and lead sentences for use on their own local news websites.

This is just the latest incident in the Times long, sordid history of plagarism.

We can’t wait until they steal from us. But they better do it soon. We want to retire and buy a small island in the Carribean, but we need a hefty financial settlement from the Times to make that happen.

If they don’t do it soon, the Times won’t have enough money left to fund a crummy studio condo in St. Barts.

LA Times thinks Obama = Hitler?

omaba_hitler_croppedhitler arm out smallThe internet is abuzz with commentary about the photo used on the cover of the LA Times post election issue. Why would they select a photo in which Obama appears to be giving a Nazi salute?

The editorial board here at IHateTheMedia.com is even split between those who were raised Catholic and those who were raised Methodist.

Our Catholic contingent thinks the Times’ photo was chosen to make a visual comparison between Obama and Michelangelo’s Sistine Chapel painting of God’s hand reaching out to Adam.

Our Methodist contingent says it reminds them of the end of the church service when Methodist ministers traditionally raise their arms toward their flocks and give the final benediction.

But we all agree that anyone who compares Obama to Hitler is way out of line.

He’s actually far more like Lenin.

Newspaper says car theft suspect turned into goat

American newspapers make crap up. Outrageous crap. But they can still learn a thing or two about crap from Nigerian newspapers. One of that nation’s largest papers recently reported that police accused a goat of grand theft auto.

The Vanguard said two men in Kwara State attempted to steal a Mazda. A police spokesman said one suspect escaped, but the other turned himself into a goat just before being nabbed. Police paraded the goat before journalists and the newspaper published a picture of the beast.

The attached video has absolutely nothing to do with this story, but does feature a goat doing something you never thought you’d see a goat do. Plus a monkey doing something you never thought you’d see a monkey do.

Cindy McCain smarter than her husband

cindy mccain john blurryThere’s a reason John McCain married a younger woman. Not only can she spoonfeed the deluded old codger and wipe up his drool, but she’s rational enough to comprehend what the media did to her husband throughout the last election cycle.

“I do believe there was a media bias,” Cindy said. “I do believe that the media had a specific agenda…There is very little difference now between journalism and gossip.”

“The New York Times profile of me is being used as an example of the bias in reporting in journalism classes at Columbia’s journalism school.”

Our sources inside the McCain home report that Senator McCain woke up soon after the cameras were turned off:

“The press loves me,” John said. “I’m a maverick, damn it, and the press loves me.”

Cindy rolled her eyes, patted him on the head and said, “Yes, dear. They love you. Now go back to sleep.”

NY Times stops having hissy fits, has epiphany instead

crumpled newspaperAfter many months of railing against terrorist detention facility at Guantanamo Bay, the NY Times has had an epiphany. Bad guys, they’ve suddenly realized, really are bad guys.

“The emergence of a former Guantanamo Bay detainee as the deputy leader of Al Qaeda’s Yemeni branch has underscored the potential complications in carrying out the executive order President Obama signed Thursday that the detention center be shut down within a year. The militant, Said Ali al-Shihri, is suspected of involvement in a deadly bombing of the United States Embassy in Yemen’s capital, Sana, in September. He was released to Saudi Arabia in 2007 and passed through a Saudi rehabilitation program for former jihadists before resurfacing with Al Qaeda in Yemen.”

In related news, the Times also realized dogs are always going to be dogs, cats are always going to be cats, and remarkably naive is always going to be remarkably naive.

NY Times needs Nigerian banker

Nigerian CurrencyThe New York Times’ efforts to sell its iconic HQ building has taken on even greater importance since Moody’s and S&P both downgraded the Grey Lady’s debt to junk status.

This downgrade is sure to impact the Times’ ability to raise cash, because junk ratings make it too expensive to borrow capital through “regular” channels.

If they really need money, they should give us a call. We can introduce them to a friendly Nigerian banker we just met on the internet. He has $10,000,000 and is willing to give them some of it.

In a remarkable double whammy, veteran observers note that the Times’ reporting had already been reduced to junk status several administrations ago.

First Obama carried 28 states. Now he’ll carry your lunch.

Barack Obama L.A. Times toteFirst we had the Obama ninja action figure. Now we have the LA Times Obama tote bag. Who needs a stimulus program when our new president is single-handedly bringing the economy back from the edge of disaster?

This patriotic tote bag proudly displays the front page of LA Times from the day after Obama’s victory. The manufacturer says it “will be a daily reminder of the historic election of Barack Obama. Covered in soft, durable water resistant laminate with double straps and velcro closure, this eye-catching bag is perfect as a large purse, grocery bag or carry-on. Handmade in Los Angeles.”

The front of the bag features the cover of the LA Times and the back of the bag features a photo of Michelle and Barack Obama. And it’s a bargain, my friends, at $64.00.

The way things are going at the LA Times, this may be the only way they can pick up new readers.

Get yours at UncommonGoods.com

Limbaugh gives media “the vapors”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C4YcwI4NlKA

There’s a scene in Gone With The Wind where Scarlett O’Hara’s scandalous behavior causes Aunt Pittypat such distress that she falls victim to “the vapors.” That’s exactly what talk titan Rush Limbaugh has done to the rest of the media. Yet again.

As part of a longer statement on the danger of Obama’s policies, Limbaugh said, “Look, what he’s talking about is the absorption of as much of the private sector by the US government as possible, from the banking business, to the mortgage industry, the automobile business, to health care. I do not want the government in charge of all of these things. I don’t want this to work. So I’m thinking of replying to the guy, ‘Okay, I’ll send you a response, but I don’t need 400 words, I need four: I hope he fails.’”

Within minutes, CNN got the vapors. MSNBC got the vapors. The San Francisco Chronicle got the vapors. Dozens, maybe hundreds of members of the media – new and old — got the vapors.

Here’s Sean Hannity’s interview with Limbaugh, who as always, uses 400 words when four would have done the job.

Inauguration causes worldwide ecological nightmare

illustration by Mike Cogh
illustration by Mike Cogh

Barack Obama’s inauguration generated unprecedented media coverage around the world.

Turns out the event generated an astounding 35,000 stories in the world’s major newspapers, television and radio broadcasts within 24 hours. That’s 35 times more than the 2005 inauguration — enough to cause the clear cutting of several major forests, increase global warming by several degrees, and swamp Washington, D.C. under several feet of globally-warmed glacier water.

The inauguration of George W. Bush in January 2005 triggered only about 1,000 stories around the world.

Who’d a thunk? Bush was better for the environment than Obama.

Geithner forgets to pay taxes.
Press forgets to report it.

photo by Matti Mattila
photo by Matti Mattila

It’s been extensively reported that would-be Secretary of the Treasury Timothy Geithner neglected to pay self-employment taxes from 2001 through
2004. Strike one.

But Geithner has also admitted to cleverly – but illegally –deducting the cost of his kid’s summer camp as a “child care” expense. Strike two.

In addition, he neglected to pay taxes and penalties on an early withdrawal from a retirement plan. Strike three.

Finally, he took an improper business deduction, an improper charitable-contribution deduction, and tried to deduct personal utility costs. Strikes four, five and six.

Fact is, Geithner has a 15-year record of dodging taxes by taking deductions that range from highly aggressive to obviously illegal to fanciful.

Way to go, Mr. Geithner. We consider you an inspiration to small taxpayers everywhere. Make no mistake – we think you’re a crook, but you’re an inspirational crook.

World’s second richest man to get poorer

Much like Julia Roberts in “Pretty Woman,” the cash-strapped New York Times has walked the streets until it found a rich sugar daddy. Or in this case, a papá de azúcar. Mexican Carlos Slim, the world’s second richest man, is about to become $250 million poorer by investing the money in the floundering New York Times.

“By having a stake in the New York Times, he’s basically projecting himself as a powerbroker in this country, regardless of how his investment does,” said Armand Peschard-Sverdrup, a senior associate of the Center For Strategic and International Studies.

In an effort to educate you in the complex world of high finance, we present this video. While you’re watching it, think of the New York Times as Julia Roberts and think of Carlos Slim as Richard Gere. Slim and Gere are both willing to grossly overpay for a common commodity and, as a result, both will get royally screwed. And that, my friends, is what high finance is all about.

Please feel free to nominate IHTM for the Nobel Prize for Economics.

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