Category: Newspaper

Dick Nixon would have been more appropriate

will_ferrell_youre_welcome_americaWill Ferrell’s comedy has generally been family-oriented. Until now.

Customers are storming out of his Broadway show, “You’re Welcome America. A Final Night with George W. Bush,” when an immense photo of a penis is projected on stage and Ferrell implies that it’s the former president’s penis.

“The photo gets one of the great shrieks of delight from the audience,” said Adam McKay, the director of the play, “and it’s also the one moment that is followed by people walking out.”

Even the New York Times said, “No president needs this kind of exposure.”

Don’t you hate it when you agree with the New York Times?

Did the Chinese fake their space walk? Hmmmmm.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Us8xLsQ1MIE&eurl=http://presurfer.blogspot.com/We’re not conspiracy theory wackos. We absolutely believe American astronauts walked on the moon. Twelve of them on six different missions. They loped around, smacked golf balls, drove that little dune buggy, all that stuff.

But take a look at this video. It claims to reveal the truth behind the Chinese space walk. And it really makes you wonder if there was a little Sino-sleight of hand going on.

We hate the American media. They’ve proven they’re untrustworthy. But what’s this world coming to when you can’t trust the Chinese media?

Lefty Krugman likes Republican stimulus plan. Kinda. Sorta.

Don’t get too carried away with the headline. In reality, he doesn’t like either “stimulus” plan. He just likes Obama’s plan less than the Republican plan.

“Mr. Obama got nothing in return for his bipartisan outreach,” Paul Krugman concluded a recent article. “Not one Republican voted for the House version of the stimulus plan, which was, by the way, better focused than the original administration proposal.”

Krugman’s faint praise is like saying, “Your second ugliest sister is prettier than your ugliest sister.”

But he doesn’t really want to kiss either of them.

“The War on Terror” now hate speech

Words matter according to President Obama. Especially when they might offend the sensitive terrorists of the world.

“Words matter in this situation,” Obama told Anderson Cooper, “because one of the ways we’re going to win this struggle is through the battle of hearts and minds.”

Obama thinks we can cozy up to moderate Muslims if we choose our words carefully. So “The War on Terror” is out. Instead, Obama uses inoffensive but meaningless platitudes like “the enduring struggle against terrorism and extremism.”

Obviously, with all the tax cheats running rampant in his administration, Obama hasn’t had time to work up a catchy new phrase to replace “The War on Terror.” So we’re here to help. How about:

“The Obama Thrill-O-Rama”
 or
“The Dynamite Vest Dance Recital.”
 or
“57 Virgin Tour 2009”

We’re here for you, Barack. Call us anytime.

Now the Philadelphia newspaper wants bail-out money.

photo by Flickr's yomanimus
photo by Flickr's yomanimus

Let’s see if we can keep track of it all. The banks want bail-out money. Wall Street wants bail-out money. The states want bail-out money. Cities want bail-out money. The steel industry wants bail-out money. Who’s left?

Ah, let’s not forget newspapers. Now the Philadelphia Inquirer wants a $10 million government bailout. And Democrat Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell thinks it’s a grand idea.

Our position on the bail-out is very simple. No money for the Inquirer until after IHateTheMedia.com gets bail-out money.

After all, this is a very expensive operation we’re running here. We have a huge staff of highly-trained reporters stationed around the world. We have massive internet infrastructure costs. Not to mention all our wild parties with cocaine and hookers and other crazy stuff.

This operation is expensive, damn it, and we want bail-out money, too.

Global warming drives people insane

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnze-_4_DpgA horribly depressed 17-year old Aussie boy was admitted last year to the psychiatric until at Melbourne’s Royal Children’s Hospital.

So worried about global warming was the young man that he refused to drink water. Australian doctors termed the condition “climate change delusion.”

“Climate change could have a real impact on our psyches,” says Paul Epstein, associate director of Harvard Medical School’s Center for Health and the Global Environment.

Experts at the IHateTheMedia.com School of Medicine have dubbed the condition Gore Syndrome. Common symptoms include delusions of grandeur, rapid weight gain, and shriveling of the portion of the brain that controls logic.

Paris Hilton endorses Obamanomics

paris_hilton_shoppingNEWS FLASH! The economy is saved. Renowned economist, heiress and attention-whore Paris Hilton has announced that she will save the world by doing what she does best – shopping.

Hilton says her income has continued unabated during the current international economic unpleasantness. Dimwitted promoters still line up to pay her big bucks to appear at their nightclubs.

She believes her economic philosophy — which can best be summarized as “Spend, spend, spend” — can revive the flagging retail industry.

“It’s really scary about the economy right now,” she told the British magazine Heat. “So the way I’m playing my part in helping is doing a lot of shopping wherever I go.”

We all owe Paris a huge debt of gratitude. And much like the national debt, it will only grow larger and never be repaid.

AP sues over famous Obama poster. Pravda may sue over famous Lenin poster.

lenin posterThe Associated Press is suing Shepard Fairey, the artist who created the famous red, white and blue Obama poster.

AP says it owns the copyright, and has demanded credit and cold, hard cash. Fairey disagrees although he has admitted the poster is based on an AP photograph taken at the National Press Club in Washington.

In related news, the Russian news agency Pravda may sue IHateTheMedia.com, the popular website that created the famous red, white and blue Lenin photo.

Pravda says it owns the copyright, and has demanded credit and a bottle of vodka. IHateTheMedia.com disagrees although they have admitted the poster is based on a Pravda photograph taken at the Kremlin in Moscow.

Power Poster to the people!

Obama’s bad two weeks seen in the headlines

You know things haven’t been going well for Obama when newspaper headline writers turn on him. Where’s the love? Weren’t our enemies supposed to love us by now? It’s starting to look  like those doubters who said this guy wasn’t ready for the job may have had a point. Here are some headlines from just the last week:

“Paris rejects ‘Obama-style’ economic program”

“Iran cool to Obama’s overture” 

“Al-Qaida No. 2 criticizes Obama over Gaza”

“EU attacks ‘Buy American’ clause, seeks removal from stimulus”

“Geithner confirmed despite tax problems”

“Obama’s Picture Burned in Effigy in Tehran”

“Daschle didn’t pay taxes”

“India warns Obama over Kashmir”

“Obama burned in effigy in Pakistan”

“CIRCUS: White House performance czar withdraws candidacy in tax mess”

“Chavez calls Obama ‘Bush clone'”

“Eleven Democrats defect on stimulus bill”

“Obama’s ethics pledge haunts him”

“PROMISES, PROMISES: No lobbyists at White House, except…”

“Blago says Emanuel should resign”

“Biden Fumbles Clinton Oath After Poking Fun At Chief Justice”

“Ice-battered Kentucky pleads for help from storm”

“Analysis: Daschle debacle humbles Obama”

“The new president, seen by some as arrogant…”

“Departures tarnish ethics drive”

“It’s A Circus”

“Hilda Solis: Another cabinet nominee with tax issues”

“Etta James Tears Into Obama & Beyonce”

Don’t get us wrong. The press and Obama have a relationship just like Bill and Hillary. They’ll stick with him no matter how many times he disappoints them.

NY Times calls you an extremist racialist nativist (whatever that is)

As if to prove the intellectual and moral superiority of Manhattanites, the New York Times ran an editorial last Sunday headlined “The Nativists Are Restless.”

“The relentlessly harsh Republican campaign against immigrants has always hidden a streak of racialist extremism,” the Times said. “Now after several high-water years, the Republican tide has gone out, leaving exposed the nativism of fringe right-wingers clinging to what they hope will be a wedge issue.”

To tell you the truth, we’re honored to be called extremist, racialist and nativist by a bunch of elitist, socialist liar-ists.

Obama parrots FDR poorly, says “The only thing we have is fear itself.”

So much for the triumph of hope over fear. In an op-ed piece in today’s Washington Post, President Obama attempted to scare the livin’ bejeebers out of everyone.

He warned Congress to act quickly on his “stimulus” bill and warned that that failure to act could plunge us into a recession that might prove irreversible.

Irreversible. The world will plunge into a recession – maybe a depression – from which we will never recover. Never.

“Never,” according to a source within the Democratic National Committee, is defined as “A period of time so long that Obama won’t get re-elected.”

NEWS FLASH: NY Times discovers McCain a war hero, Barack a liberal 


In Saturday’s “Pentagon Memo,” NY Times reporter Elisabeth Bumiller reveals news sure to come as a revelation to readers of the Times.

“The military is not a monolith,” Bumiller reported, “but it is safe to say that Mr. Obama was not its candidate in the 2008 election. His antiwar comments ignited the left but struck many in the armed services as naïve. His Republican opponent, Senator John McCain, was a war hero.”

Obama’s a liberal? McCain’s a war hero? Good grief, man, this is one of the greatest coups in the history of investigative journalism. Eat your hearts out, Woodward & Bernstein. Start engraving the Pulitzer Prizes.

This kind of scoop could turn around the election. What’s that? The election is over? Obama’s already been sworn in as president?

Thanks a lot New York Times. Thanks a lot.

Federal gas tax to increase $2.40/gallon?

"Hand it over. It's only another $2.40/gallon."
"Hand it over. It's only another $2.40/gallon."

If New York Times columnist Thomas Friedman has his way, gas taxes will go up. Way up. He wants to slap an additional $2.40 per gallon in taxes on top of the 18.4¢ you already pay.

“Today’s financial crisis is Obama’s 9/11,” Friedman wrote. “The public is ready to be mobilized. Obama is coming in with enormous popularity. This is his window of opportunity to impose a gas tax. And he could make it painless: offset the gas tax by lowering payroll taxes, or phase it in over two years at 10 cents a month.”

Do the math. 10 cents a month for two years. That’s an additional $2.40 per gallon.

Of course, that probably won’t bother Friedman. He married into a very wealthy family, reportedly lives in an 11,000 sq ft mansion on a lovely 7-1/2 acre estate in Bethesda, Maryland that’s valued at nearly $10,000,000.

LA Times letter: Pope was trained by Hitler

If we ran a story as vile as the following letter that ran in the LA Times today, we’d be hounded off the internet. And rightfully so. Here it is:

“The Jesuits have a saying, ‘Give me the boy until he is 7, and I will give you the man.’ You can now add, ‘Give Adolf Hitler the boy until he is 7, and he will give you the pope.’”

– Ralph Wetterhahn, Long Beach

The Times is obviously suffering from social schizophrenia. On one hand, its reporting seems to be virulently anti-Catholic. On the other hand, it supports illegal aliens at every turn, despite the fact that they are assumed to be overwhelmingly Catholic.

Must be like the war in Iraq. They support the troops, but not the mission.

Obama tells advertisers to keep their hands off his face

Looks like the honeymoon is over for entrepreneurs trying to profit from the president’s image.

“Our lawyers are working on developing a policy that will protect the presidential image,” said a White House spokesperson, “while being careful not to squelch the overwhelming enthusiasm that the public has for the president.”

Obama’s “Yes We Can” campaign is being used to promote everything from do-it-yourself furniture to low-priced airfares. But our favorite is leftwing Ben & Jerry’s “Yes Pecan” ice cream flavor.

Too bad for us. We were just getting ready to launch a gazillion dollar ad campaign using that video of Obama flipping Hilary the bird. It just seems to perfectly express the philosophy at IHateTheMedia.com.

Back to the drawing boards for us.

Bad times at the LA Times. Will the last one out the door kindly turn out the lights?

And the story hits home for the LA Times
And the story hits home for the LA Times

Does anyone remember when the Los Angeles Times was a great newspaper? Nah, we didn’t think so.

The paper has announced yet another round of lay-offs. This time it’s cutting 300 more jobs and will shrink the number of daily sections from five to four.

Democrats breathed a big sigh of relief when the Times announced that no cuts will be made to its slanted, irresponsible reporting.

“We owe it to the community to maintain our high level of biased reporting,” a Times spokesperson could have said. “For more than 100 years, Los Angeles has depended on The Times as its source for half-truths, blatant lies, and innuendo. That’s a responsibility we take very seriously.”

Nancy Pelosi loves Obama’s package

She's never seen such a big package
She's never seen such a big package

An entry from Nancy Pelosi’s diary: “I couldn’t take my eyes off the tall, dark man across the room. I wasn’t ashamed of what I thought. ‘Barack has the biggest package I’ve ever seen. I know big pork when I see it. And I want Barack’s pork.'”

And then the House of Representatives voted and Nancy’s dream came true. She and her fellow Democrats passed the biggest, most pork-laden spending bill in the history of the world.

Immediately after the House of Representatives’ vote on President Obama’s stimulus package, the media began furiously spinning the results.

“Republicans voted along party lines.”

“Not one Republican voted for the president’s stimulus.”

“Republicans deny president’s bipartisan effort.”

The final tally? 177 Republicans and eleven Democrats voted “no.” 244 Democrats and zero Republicans voted in favor of the bill.

But Nancy didn’t care. She got her pork.

Show biz papers suffer bad box office

photo by Flickr's 416style
photo by Flickr's 416style

Movies aren’t the only thing that suffers from bad box office. Now Hollywood newspapers are in trouble.

The Hollywood Reporter and Daily Variety are the movie industry’s top newspapers. But the recession and increased internet competition have Hollywood questioning their survival.

The papers’ publishers say advertising has plummeted, even during the current Oscar run-up, when studios traditionally hype their movies with expensive ad campaigns.

Even worse, numerous bloggers now provide a daily diet of instantaneous internet updates.

“There’s one website that’s really killing us,” said an unnamed executive at one studio, “I hate that damn IHateTheMedia.com.”

(No one in Hollywood really said that, but a guy’s gotta dream.)

NY Times calls liberal senator “too conservative”

new_yorker_magAs if attempting to prove the truth of that old New Yorker cartoon that shows nothing of any consequence beyond the friendly confines of Manhattan, the New York Times has condemned liberal Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand for being too conservative.

Apparently, Gillibrand hasn’t toed the party line quite as strictly as they would like. Can you imagine the gnashing of teeth at the DNC when they found out she has a 100% lifetime rating from the National Rifle Association, voted against TARP, supports the death penalty, and is pro-life? Yet despite those “conservative” positions, Gillibrand considers herself a liberal.

We’re sure the Times has nothing to worry about, because Gillibrand’s liberal re-education has already begun. She announced that she is going to visit Harlem with Rev. Al Sharpton “to become more enlightened about gun control.”

Our opinion: the terms “Al Sharpton” and “enlightenment” are mutually exclusive.

Networks ignore 300,000 pro-life march

march_for_lifeYou’ve seen it happen a thousand times. Half a dozen nitwits show up for a liberal protest and the evening news makes it look as if they numbered in the thousands.

Yet last week, when 300,000 people showed up at the annual March for Life in Washington, DC, the nets were able to make it look as if the attendance was zero. Because ABC, CBS, NBC, and PBS completely ignored the event. So did the print editions of Time and Newsweek.

“If 50,000 feminists had gathered on the Mall in D.C., to demand passage of the so-called Freedom of Choice Act,” a spokesman said, “it would have been above-the-page-one-fold coverage in The Times, accompanied by an aerial photo of the crowd.”

Look for it right next to the story about how much Michelle Obama’s dress cost. And right above the story about how conservatives want to starve old people.

Washington Post mocks deification of Gore

magic_8_ballTemperatures may have been freezing in Washington, DC yesterday, but the reception Al Gore got from the Washington Post was even chiller.

They dubbed him The Goracle, poked fun at his pompous predictions, laughed at his tortured phraseology, and cackled about kowtowing interrogators. They said:

“Mostly, however, the lawmakers took turns asking the Goracle for advice, as if playing with a Magic 8 Ball.”

“Prospects for regulating a future carbon emissions market? ‘There’s a high degree of confidence.’ The future of automobiles in China and India? ‘I wouldn’t give up on electric vehicles.’ The potential of solar power in those countries? “’I have no question about it at all.’”

We got out our Magic 8-Ball and asked it a few questions. This thing’s good.

Is Al Gore a pompous ass? “Signs point to yes.” Is global warming some kind of scam? “It is decidedly so.” Is this article about finished? “Without a doubt.”

Rahm Emanuel makes daily, secret calls to media pals

Rahm uses his secure phone to call his media buddies
Rahm Emanuel cleverly uses his secure phone to make secret calls to his media pals

As the sun comes up each morning, Rahm Emanuel, Obama’s chief of staff, calls his pals in the media – CNN’s James Carville and Paul Begala, ABC’s George Stephanopoulos, and pollster Stan Greenberg.

That was no problem last month, but Emanuel is now President Obama’s Chief of Staff, and the calls have now taken on an air of conspiracy. Where’s the shock and outrage and the suggestion that Emanuel is coordinating media coverage?

From our perspective, two things surprise us about this story.

First, that no one has objected to this “cozy” relationship between the president’s chief of staff and members of the media.

And second, that Emanuel has four friends.

Party with a prostitute, prostitute with a party

photo by David Paul Ohmer
photo by David Paul Ohmer
Media bias is alive and well in Chicago.

In a recent story about Windy City prostitution, the Chicago Sun-Times ignored Democratic New York Governor Eliot Spitzer’s party affiliation (he’s a Democrat), but felt it was important to point out that the hooker is a Republican.

Although the article noted that Spitzer was forced out of office “after it became public that he met for over two hours with a $1,000-an-hour prostitute,” his party affiliation was unmentioned.

But when it came to the hooker, the article said, “Public records show she is a registered Republican and holds a hunting license in Nevada.”

Considering the massive debt with which Spitzer left as his legacy, the case can easily be made that he screwed the people of New York for far more than $1000 an hour.

They’re unwilling to draw Obama, we’re willing to draw conclusions

by Flickr's bobster1985
by Flickr's bobster1985

What’s that? You say you haven’t seen any editorial cartoons hilariously exaggerating Obama’s physical traits? You know, like the ones that viciously attacked Bush for the last eight years. Well, don’t hold your breath.

“I had all my villains in place for eight years and they’ve been taken away,” complained Pulitzer Prize winning editorial cartoonist Pat Oliphant. “I don’t know that I’ve ever had this experience before, of a president I maybe like. This is an antagonistic art. We’re supposed to concentrate on finding things wrong. There’s no point in drawing a cartoon that’s favorable.”

Our conclusion? Journalists are the only caricatures left in journalism.

NY Times fires only conservative columnist

bill-krystalThe lone conservative voice on the Times’ op-ed page is history.

Bill Kristol, the op-ed page’s lone conservative, has been unceremoniously booted out the door by the Times. Kristol’s Monday contribution, “Will Obama Save Liberalism?” concluded with the sad line: “This is William Kristol’s last column.”

“I’m ambivalent,” Kristol said. “It’s been fun. It’s a lot of work. I have a lot of things going on. But I haven’t really focused on it.”

“Kristol’s not the only conservative in the world,” said an unnamed and completely fictional Times spokesperson. “We were negotiating with Karl Marx, but the rest of our editorial staff made it clear they don’t want anyone that conservative on our staff.”

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