Tag: Sex

CNN’s Castellanos says “Listening to Obama is like sex.” If only it were over as quickly.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnDibuQM-g0A few weeks ago, we wrote about Nancy Pelosi and her lust for Obama’s “stimulus” package. But now CNN has given life to something we thought was parody.

On Sunday’s “State of the Union” show, Republican strategist, CNN contributor and nutcase Alex Castellanos said, “…A friend told me once that listening to Barack Obama give a speech is like sex. The worst there ever was, was excellent.”

We’ve always been ambivalent about sex education, but this statement leads us to conclude that America’s children are woefully ignorant when it comes to the reproductive sciences.

If only Obama’a speeches were over in two minutes like sex. Uhhh…like other people’s sex, we mean. Not ours. We are the studs of the universe and women swoon at our feet. Really.

if video is pulled, go directly to CNN here to view.

Fox reports “11 ways to make your sex life greener”

Photo: Elven Nicole
Photo: Elven Nicole

We don’t make this stuff up, we just report it. Nobody could make this stuff up.

Fox News just issued a story titled “Eleven Ways to Make Your Sex Life Greener.” This surprised us, because we didn’t know that sex was bad for the environment.

“As we become more compelled to sustain the future, all that is erotic is becoming green,” Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright says in the report. “From seduction to sex, individuals are becoming more planet-friendly as well as body-friendly.

<b>Sexpert Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright</b>
Sexpert Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright

The story goes on to provide tips on green dating, vegetarian porn, green weddings, bamboo sheets, sustainable wooden paddles, and phthalate-free vibrators. (Dammit, man, we don’t even know what a phthalate is, but it sounds kind of kinky.)

As a public service, IHateTheMedia.com generously submits the following tip that Dr. Fulbright overlooked:

“Keep the lights off when you’re having sex with someone ugly. It will conserve energy and your self-esteem.”

You’re welcome. Who needs The Playboy Advisor when you have IHateTheMedia.com.

Source: Fox News

Porn to be wild: Octuplet mom lands in middle of a bidding war

nadya suleman fourteen children under the age of eight and an IQ to match.
Fourteen children under the age of eight and an IQ to match.

Nadya Suleman, mother of the California octuplets born last month, has landed smack dab in the middle of a public relations feud between rival porn producers.

One adult film producer has offered Suleman $1 million plus free health insurance to star in one of his porn productions.

In response, another porn producer offered Suleman a year’s supply of diapers if she turns down the first offer. Kim Kysar, manager of the second company, said the company’s offer demonstrated its “social responsibility”.

“It simply isn’t in your best interest, and more importantly, in the best interest of your children, for you to become a porn star,” Kysar said in a letter. “As you know, there’s a great deal of stigma attached to being a porn star. It’s not something that a mother should take lightly, as this decision will most assuredly affect the lives of your children, and not in a positive way.”

“I have to go now,” Kysar then thought to himself. “I have some socially responsible naked women greased up in the next room and the socially responsible cameras are ready to roll.”

Source: Sydney Morning Herald

The economy is so bad Playboy can’t afford boobs

seth_roganWant to know why Playboy is struggling? To put it in terms a Playboy reader can understand, why pay for the cow when the milk is free? (In case that was too subtle, we mean to say that there’s so much free porn on the internet that no one is willing to pay for “sophisticated” nudity anymore.)

OK, we’ve put this off long enough. Let’s just say it quickly and get it over with. “Knocked Up” star Seth Rogan’s ugly mug will be on the cover of Playboy’s March (oops, correction) April issue. Maybe Christie Hefner hasn’t noticed but he’s a man. A dude. A guy.

Shame on Playboy. This sad little ploy reeks of desperation and screams, “Publicity stunt.”

It really doesn’t matter to us because we haven’t read Playboy since college. Oh, hell, who do we think we’re kidding? We didn’t read it then. Never actually noticed that it had words.

Christie Hefner named CNN economic centerfold of the month

Christie Hefner, daughter of doddering, octagenerian Playboy founder Hugh Hefner, has a new job. CNN announced this morning that she has been “added to our roster of economic analysts.”

Hefner breathlessly revealed her economic expertise by saying the “sense that I’m getting, in talking to CEOs, is that people are hoping for a late 2010 recovery.”

“I’ve proposed a special program called ‘The Anchors of CNN,’” Hefner might have said. “In a cost-cutting move, we’ve chosen Larry King as our first centerfold because he already had a staple in his belly.”

“I couldn’t be prouder,” said proud papa Hugh Hefner. “But can you remind me again who she is?”

Hot PETA women and their cucumbers

We’re happy to report that General Motors isn’t spending $3,000,000 for a Super Bowl commercial this year. But what about other advertisers?

Is it wise to spend that much money on one commercial in this economic downturn? Surprisingly, many advertisers say, “Yes, it’s a bargain.”

Their rationale? The Super Bowl draws an immense audience and is, perhaps, the only programming on television that causes consumers to “lean forward” and watch the commercials.

No one will be leaning forward and watching the attached PETA commercial because it was rejected by the television network. Talk about your wardrobe malfunction.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTdPRlHB4Os

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