Author: Administrator

Fairness Doctrine vs. Limbaugh Doctrine

Rush Limbaugh ThinDo you think maybe we need to worry about the fairness of the Fairness Doctrine when the president of the United States personally attacks a private citizen.

President Obama put his foot in his mouth yesterday by telling Republican congressional leaders, “You can’t just listen to Rush Limbaugh and get things done.” Rush released a statement accusing Obama of attempting to turn the argument into a discussion of Limbaugh rather than the real issues. But he saved his best zinger for last:

“(National Review has) documented Obama’s ties to the teachings of Saul Alinksy while he was community organizing in Chicago. Here is Rule 13 of Alinksy’s Rules for Radicals: ‘Pick the target, freeze it, personalize it, and polarize it.’”

That’s probably not a quote you’ll find in Pocket Obama.

Rush’s full response at National Review Online

Obama wants to crush Rush

Rush Limbaugh Pointing FingerPresident Obama warned Republicans to stop listening to Rush Limbaugh if they want to get along with his administration.

“You can’t just listen to Rush Limbaugh and get things done,” he said to Republican leaders attending a White House meeting to discuss his bloated $1 trillion economic stimulus package.

Too many people listen to Rush, the new president thought to himself. After we’re done redistributing everyone’s income, we’ll start redistributing Limbaugh’s radio listeners.

Britney Spears is a garbage mouth

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PH2d_PlN0XUIn a sign that Armageddon has been briefly delayed, radio stations from coast to coast are threatening to ban Britney Spears’ latest single, “If U Seek Amy.”

Why? The lyrics say, “But all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek Amy.” Looks innocent enough. But when you hear it sung, those lyrics unmistakably say, “But all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to F-U-C-K-me.”

Turns out mothers don’t want their young daughters singing the blatantly obscene song. Bowing to pressure, Spears has reported changed the title of the song to “If You See Amy.”

Warning: The attached video contains the offensive audio track. The faint of heart should not listen. The morally degenerate should listen repeatedly.

Anderson Cooper said what?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=neh46EzE3TcWe love Anderson Cooper. That suave demeanor. That premature gray hair. That boyish charm.

But his performance after the inauguration was…well…it was…uh…uh…odd. Yeah, “odd” is a good description. Let’s just say his post-election performance wasn’t one of his best.

You don’t expect to see this many F-ups in a full season of Anderson Cooper 360. But every moment of this edited clip comes from young Andy’s show the day after the election.

Clear up some space on your mantle, Andy, because this clip will undoubtedly win you an Emmy.

First Obama carried 28 states. Now he’ll carry your lunch.

Barack Obama L.A. Times toteFirst we had the Obama ninja action figure. Now we have the LA Times Obama tote bag. Who needs a stimulus program when our new president is single-handedly bringing the economy back from the edge of disaster?

This patriotic tote bag proudly displays the front page of LA Times from the day after Obama’s victory. The manufacturer says it “will be a daily reminder of the historic election of Barack Obama. Covered in soft, durable water resistant laminate with double straps and velcro closure, this eye-catching bag is perfect as a large purse, grocery bag or carry-on. Handmade in Los Angeles.”

The front of the bag features the cover of the LA Times and the back of the bag features a photo of Michelle and Barack Obama. And it’s a bargain, my friends, at $64.00.

The way things are going at the LA Times, this may be the only way they can pick up new readers.

Get yours at UncommonGoods.com

Olbermaniac wanted

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TL3rc6wvNqE“You must love pina coladas, walking on the beach in the rain and frothing at the mouth.”

OK, so maybe that’s not exactly what MSNBC president Phil Griffin said, but it’s probably what he was thinking.

MSNBC is searching for a mad dog personality to fill the open 10 p.m. time slot, which is currently occupied by a replay of Keith Olbermann’s “Countdown” program.

In fact, Griffin believes a new 10 p.m. program is a top priority. He said that the channel needed a third original show – in addition to Rachel Maddow’s and Olbermann’s — in its primetime lineup.

“We can’t let this momentum stop,” he said.

“Where the hell can I find another lunatic who looks good in a suit,” he thought.

China violates IHTM obscenity guidelines

massage_parlor_adChina announced today that it has shuttered 1,250 web sites as they “crack down on pornography.”

Liu Zhengrong, an official with China’s Internet Affairs Bureau, said authorities arrested 41 people as part of the investigation.

“We have made apparent achievements but it’s only for this phase,” Liu said. “We still have a lot of work to do.”

The Chinese government redtagged Google, Baidu, Sina and Sohu, China’s most popular sites, and said that they must improve their efforts to block pornography.

In response, IHTM has warned the Chinese government that they have violated of our decency standards by issuing a press release that uses the words “crack” and “pornography” in the same sentence.

And Stephanopoulos wept

baby_cryingGeorge Stephanopoulos, host of This Week on ABC, makes us fondly recall the days when masculinity was measured by how many times a man could jump up and down on Oprah’s couch while sporting a maniacal grin.

George’s wife, Ali Wentworth, told Obama sycophant Oprah Winfrey, “We watched everything and George was still doing all the anchoring for ABC and as soon Beyonce said ‘At Last’ George called me at home and he went, ‘Honey?’ and I said ‘I know!’ and we both started crying.”

Completely unsubstantiated reports say Stephanopoulos’ tears were triggered by his frequent, vivid flashbacks of Hilary screaming at him during his days in the Clinton White House.

Limbaugh gives media “the vapors”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C4YcwI4NlKA

There’s a scene in Gone With The Wind where Scarlett O’Hara’s scandalous behavior causes Aunt Pittypat such distress that she falls victim to “the vapors.” That’s exactly what talk titan Rush Limbaugh has done to the rest of the media. Yet again.

As part of a longer statement on the danger of Obama’s policies, Limbaugh said, “Look, what he’s talking about is the absorption of as much of the private sector by the US government as possible, from the banking business, to the mortgage industry, the automobile business, to health care. I do not want the government in charge of all of these things. I don’t want this to work. So I’m thinking of replying to the guy, ‘Okay, I’ll send you a response, but I don’t need 400 words, I need four: I hope he fails.’”

Within minutes, CNN got the vapors. MSNBC got the vapors. The San Francisco Chronicle got the vapors. Dozens, maybe hundreds of members of the media – new and old — got the vapors.

Here’s Sean Hannity’s interview with Limbaugh, who as always, uses 400 words when four would have done the job.

Larry King’s son wants to be black

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YXJI3dpO_A4Ancient orange-haired septuagenarian talkmeister Larry King has revealed that his youngest son (from his seventh marriage) is so enamored with Barack Obama that he wants to be black.

“My younger son Cannon, he is eight,” said King. “And he now says that he would like to be black. I’m not kidding. He said there’s a lot of advantages. Black is in.”

When pressed by reporters, King also admitted his son wishes he hadn’t been named after a fat TV detective from the 70s, wishes life with his father wasn’t quite so much like “Weekend At Bernie’s,” and wishes he understood why seven women have seen fit to marry daddy.

Inauguration causes worldwide ecological nightmare

illustration by Mike Cogh
illustration by Mike Cogh

Barack Obama’s inauguration generated unprecedented media coverage around the world.

Turns out the event generated an astounding 35,000 stories in the world’s major newspapers, television and radio broadcasts within 24 hours. That’s 35 times more than the 2005 inauguration — enough to cause the clear cutting of several major forests, increase global warming by several degrees, and swamp Washington, D.C. under several feet of globally-warmed glacier water.

The inauguration of George W. Bush in January 2005 triggered only about 1,000 stories around the world.

Who’d a thunk? Bush was better for the environment than Obama.

Geithner forgets to pay taxes.
Press forgets to report it.

photo by Matti Mattila
photo by Matti Mattila

It’s been extensively reported that would-be Secretary of the Treasury Timothy Geithner neglected to pay self-employment taxes from 2001 through
2004. Strike one.

But Geithner has also admitted to cleverly – but illegally –deducting the cost of his kid’s summer camp as a “child care” expense. Strike two.

In addition, he neglected to pay taxes and penalties on an early withdrawal from a retirement plan. Strike three.

Finally, he took an improper business deduction, an improper charitable-contribution deduction, and tried to deduct personal utility costs. Strikes four, five and six.

Fact is, Geithner has a 15-year record of dodging taxes by taking deductions that range from highly aggressive to obviously illegal to fanciful.

Way to go, Mr. Geithner. We consider you an inspiration to small taxpayers everywhere. Make no mistake – we think you’re a crook, but you’re an inspirational crook.

American Idol tops American idolatry

Barack Obama may have defeated John McCain, but Simon Cowell looks like a far more formidable opponent.

Fox’s “American Idol” won the popular vote on Tuesday with ABC’s coverage of the inaugural balls finishing a distant second.

Preliminary Nielsen numbers show that the first hour of “American Idol” brought in 22.4 million viewers. ABC’s “Neighborhood Ball: An Inauguration Celebration” scored only 12.6 million viewers.

Ronald Reagan’s 1981 inauguration, the most watched in history, scored 41.8 million viewers.

The American Idol judges watched the attached video of Barack Obama singing. Simon, Randy and Kara said, “No.” Paula asked if she could be ambassador to Funkytown.

Einstein declares Time, Newsweek clinically insane

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1MMXvU4O9OANoted physicist and amateur psychologist Albert Einstein said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

The Washington Post reports that Time and Newsweek are getting “smaller, more serious, more opinionated and, though they are loath to admit it, more liberal. They are pursuing a more elite audience, in print and on the Web, abandoning the old Henry Luce notion of catering to the masses. It is nothing less than a survival strategy.”

Time says it was marginally profitable last year, but Newsweek lost money. Time has reduced its guaranteed circulation to advertisers from 4.1 million to 3.25 million. Newsweek lowered its from 3.1 million to 2.6 million and is considering lowering it again.

Although we cannot verify it, we’ve been told the attached video may have been shot during a recent editorial board meeting at Time. Or Newsweek. Take
your choice.

World’s second richest man to get poorer

Much like Julia Roberts in “Pretty Woman,” the cash-strapped New York Times has walked the streets until it found a rich sugar daddy. Or in this case, a papá de azúcar. Mexican Carlos Slim, the world’s second richest man, is about to become $250 million poorer by investing the money in the floundering New York Times.

“By having a stake in the New York Times, he’s basically projecting himself as a powerbroker in this country, regardless of how his investment does,” said Armand Peschard-Sverdrup, a senior associate of the Center For Strategic and International Studies.

In an effort to educate you in the complex world of high finance, we present this video. While you’re watching it, think of the New York Times as Julia Roberts and think of Carlos Slim as Richard Gere. Slim and Gere are both willing to grossly overpay for a common commodity and, as a result, both will get royally screwed. And that, my friends, is what high finance is all about.

Please feel free to nominate IHTM for the Nobel Prize for Economics.

Ashton, Demi pledge to remain relevant

Check out this inauguration day “Presidential Pledge” video produced by aging starlet Demi Moore and her son husband Ashton Kutcher. It’s a perfect stage for a few big stars and a ton of wannabe big stars to reveal the depth of their newly discovered love for America. Here’s how the Moore and Kutcher describe their work:

“Reflecting Barack’s call for change, the film features over 50 of the biggest stars in Hollywood revealing how they plan to personally participate in keeping America strong, proud and green.”

We’re into pop culture in a big way here at IHTM. For god’s sake, we watch TMZ religiously and wouldn’t miss Access Hollywood and subscribe to People. But we swear we don’t recognize at least 25 of the fifty. And one more thing — did we blink and miss Clint Eastwood?

All Pope, All the Time

photo by Waka Jawaka
photo by Waka Jawaka

If the Vatican were Hollywood, we’d say Pope Benedict XVI just landed a development deal with the Google channel. The Vatican’s press office has announced that His Holiness and Google will make texts and video of the pope’s speeches a new all-Pope-all-the-time channel.

Our source inside the Vatican has revealed some of the programs that will premiere during the channel’s new season: CSI: Rome, Vatican 90210, Dirty Sexy Lira, America’s Next Top Pontiff, Hell or No Hell, Survivor: Purgatory, Are You Smarter Than Pope Sixtus V, and The Amazing Grace.

Palm reader gets hands on Obama

photo by Mark Resch
photo by Mark Resch

Lori Reid, a palm-reading expert, has examined the lines on the Barack Obama’s palm and believes she has him figured out. Obama’s hand shape, she said, fits into a category common in artists, writers and thinkers.

“The middle section of his fingers are very long which shows he is a good manager – he has excellent psychology and listens to what people say, although he prefers to come to his own conclusions,” she says.

‘The little finger is particularly long in comparison to the other fingers and this reveals his exceptional talents as an orator.

Reid had no comment on the meaning of Obama’s middle finger extended toward taxpayers, the coal industry, the military, gun owners, and conservatives.

Maddow channels Fox News Channel

photo by Paul Schultz
photo by Paul Schultz

Do not compare MSNBC to Fox News when MSNBC newbie Rachel Maddow is in the room. She rejects “…the idea that there’s any equivalency between us and Fox News….”

“Fox is a political experiment,” she told a roomful of TV critics. “Imagine them having somebody as liberal as Joe Scarborough is conservative doing their whole morning? It doesn’t make sense.”

Then Maddow revealed to reporters reporters she doesn’t own a TV and has never seen a show on Fox at any time ever.

She concluded by saying she hates monkey brains although she’s never eaten one, and loves men although she’s never had one.

And the hits shit just keeps on comin’

Here we go again. The new owners of the Clear Channel Communications conglomerate are set to begin a massive restructuring expected to cut $400,000,000 in costs. Insiders expect layoffs in the company’s radio, outdoor advertising and international divisions and cuts to programming budgets and consolidation of back-office operations.

Industry observers say all 1200 Clear Channel-owned radio stations will switch to the KISS format and Ryan Seacrest will be their only remaining employee.

Disney CEO scrapes by on 51 million in ’08

Robert IgerRobert Iger, CEO of Disney, received a pay package worth $51.1 million in fiscal 2008. That was up a whopping 85 percent from a year earlier. Unfortunately, most of it came in stock options that are currently worthless.

The Magic Kingdom has also announced several new attractions in their amusement park division — The Haunted Soup Kitchen, Pirates of Wall Street, and Dumbo the Flying Stockholder.

ABC pres blames Nielsen for low ratings

ABC logoABC entertainment president Steve McPherson blamed decaying TV ratings on Nielsen Media Research, saying the ratings measurement firm doesn’t count enough forms of audience viewing.

In related news, Japan blamed Pearl Harbor on the United States, Hilary Clinton blamed Bill’s problems on a vast right wing conspiracy, and the pot called the kettle black.

I HATE THE MEDIA ™
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