Al Gore: Anthropogenic Global Warming is Now Increasing Temperatures on the Sun “We all know that the planet has a fever. But now it turns out that it is far worse than we could ever have imagined. This fever is contagious. It has traversed the great darkness of space. It has traveled the unfathomable distance of 450 miles to settle on the surface of sun. It has now infected earth’s nearest neighbor. And if we don’t do something within ten years all of the sun’s solar ice caps will have melted and she will no longer be able to sustain the myriads of plant and animal lives that make the region so vitally important to our fragile cosmic ecosystem.”. So began former vice president Albert Gore Jr. in his address to the NYC chapter of the environmental action group People Establishing Nature In Society. The famously eloquent statesmen kept the audience in rapt attention for nearly three hours with an outlining of his solar warming theories, readings of his environmental poetry and heartwarming anecdotes about servants being made to wait in the car so that he could eat his dinner without the unsettling distraction of poor people.
During the QA session, however, it was clear that the sun wasn’t the only place heating up. An unknown individual challenged Gore. “The sun already has a surface temperature running into the millions of degrees. It doesn’t have ice caps nor does it serve as a habitat for any plants or animals.”. At this point member’s of Gore’s security firm tazed the man and removed him from the auditorium.
Gore remained calm and assured his audience telling them: “Liar, Liar, pants on fire, you’re just a Global Warming Denier. Seriously folks, no plants on the sun? Maybe someone should ask that flat-earther where he thinks sun flowers come from.”.
The engagement ended on a positive note with an audience member asking Gore what could be done to combat solar warming. “I’m glad you asked that. As it turns out back when I was in college, after I’d invented the Internet but before I’d served as Jason Statham’s stunt double in Love Story, I created a device that can be used to solve this very dilemma. The problem is the only fuel suitable to power this device is one trillion dollars worth in tax payer subsidies. Fortunately for all of us President Obama is working on getting me these subsidies as we speak.
