Better living through chemistry: Japanese researcher invents the shit sandwich

by editor on June 20, 2011

Maybe this is all BS, but turd-burgers seem no more absurd than a good bit of what the eco-wackos have tried to feed us over the years.

Let’s go to for the straight poop:


Mitsuyuki Ikeda shows off his shit burger. Rumor has it that McDonald's may sue for patent infringement.

The meatpacking industry causes 18 percent of our greenhouse gas emissions, mostly due to the release of methane from animals. The livestock industry also consumes huge amounts of feed and water in relation to the amount of meat that it yields, and many find the industry to be inhumane and cruel to animals. These factors alone are reason enough for vegetarians to replace their meat intake with vegetable proteins and legumes. But Ikeda, a scientist at the Environmental Assessment Center in Okayama, sought to further the field of alternative proteins by recycling a form of protein-rich waste: sewage mud.

Unfortunately, the term “sewage mud” is a polite euphemism for exactly what you think it is – poop. Scientist Mitsuyuki Ikeda’s extracts the protein and lipids from the euphemistic mud and then combines it with a “reaction enhancer”. We’re not sure what a reaction enhancer is, but we assume it enhances the reaction from “Yuck” to “Mmmmm.” The whole conglomeration is then whipped into “meat”. (This is, thanks to Anthony Weiner, the only time in the last two weeks that the words whip and meat have been used in a sentence that didn’t evoke gales of laughter.) Finally, Ikeda attemps to improve the taste of his product by adding soya and steak sauce. Lots and lots of soya and steak sauce.

Make no mistake about it, this may be crap, but it ain’t cheap crap. Ikeda’s poop burgers may be 10-20 times more expensive than regular meat, but he thinks the prices will even out as time goes on.

Take your choice of closing lines:

Ikeda Beef: It’s what’s for dinner . . . last night.


Two words: Soylent Brown.


Big deal. If we’re not mistaken, McDonald’s has been serving this for years.

– Written by Kip Hooker @


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Soylent Brown is poopie!!!