IHateTheMedia.com presents this exclusive, pre-release excerpt from the eagerly awaited, unauthorized bio of Presidential Obama.
Barack was worn out, emotionally. What he had just had to do was painful, possibly the most excruciating thing he had done since taking office. He was convinced that it was necessary, but that didn’t make it feel any better.
He sighed and looked through the papers on his desk. What next? he thought. What should I dive into now? I have a little time to myself before the next meeting, and maybe I can get started on –
Just then, there was a knock on the door, it opened, and a voice said, “Hey, B, it’s me.” Joe Biden trotted into the Oval Office, obviously in a great mood, and grinning broadly.
Joe sat down in a chair facing Barack and said, “I just passed General McChrystal in the hall on the way here. What a great guy. A real soldier’s soldier. A man’s man. You know, I just feel good knowing that he’s in charge in Afghanistan. I have this feeling that he’s gonna work out just fine.” Joe beamed at Barack, expecting the President to bolster his own take on things.
Barack looked at the Vice President and said quietly, “I just fired General McChrystal, Joe.”
For a moment, Joe thought that he had been stabbed with an electric cattle prod. He felt somehow adrift, even more so than usual, and didn’t quite know how to react.
Finally, he pulled himself together enough to ask, “But why, B? He’s a great general.”
“That may very well be, Joe,” replied Barack, “but his attitude is wanting. Did you read his recent interview in Rolling Stone, by any chance?”
“Uh, no, haven’t had the chance to read much lately, you know, what with the duties of being Vice President and all –”
“It was pretty ugly, Joe,” Barack interrupted. “General McChrystal evidently doesn’t have much respect for the White House or anyone else in charge of bringing this Afghanistan war to a successful conclusion.”
“But, I mean, everyone is entitled to an opinion, B, you know that –”
“He fucking dissed me, honky!” bellowed Barack. He was standing upright behind his desk, visibly shaking with rage. “He dissed me, the Commander in Chief!”
Joe was quite at a loss at this display. He had never seen Barack so upset. He tried to ameliorate. “But, B, I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by it. You know how it is with those macho military dudes, always shooting first and asking questions later, he’s really a great guy –”
“Do you know what McChrystal and his cronies call you, Joe?” asked Barack in a dangerously low voice.
Taken aback yet again, Joe said, “Uh, no, B, what do they call me?”
Barack looked him in the eye and said, “They call you Vice President Bite Me.”
It took a moment for the information to penetrate. When it did, Joe leaped to his feet and screamed, “That son of a bitch!” He began stomping around the office in anger, muttering invectives. “That asshole! After all I’ve done for him! He was always a lousy general, I never liked the guy, I knew this was going to happen – ”
Barack, seated once again behind his desk, said calmly, “I thought you considered McChrystal a great guy, Joe. A soldier’s soldier, I believe you said.”
“It was a sham. I was trying to give that loser the benefit of the doubt,” mumbled Joe. “Vice President Bite Me, huh? Bastard.” Joe turned to Barack. “I’ve gotta go, B. Got some things to think about,” he said, and moved toward the door.
“You sure you can’t stay, Joe?” asked Barack in mock sincerity.
“No, sorry, B, I’ll see you later, okay?” And he was out the door, remembering just in time not to slam it.
Barack leaned back and sighed. Two down, he thought. Wonder how many more to go.
He slowly pulled open his ‘secret’ desk drawer. Within lay a pack of Marlboros, which gazed back at him seductively.
If only, Barack thought, if only …
IHateTheMedia.com brings you another exclusive excerpt from the unreleased new Obama bio every day this week. Tomorrow’s excerpt will be Chapter IX: “Birthers Gonna Be the Death of Me.” See yesterday’s excerpt: Chapter III: “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”
Copyright © 2011 IHateTheMedia.com, all rights reserved
