IHateTheMedia.com presents this exclusive, pre-release excerpt from the eagerly awaited, unauthorized bio of Presidential Obama.
Vice President Joe Biden was already in the Oval Office waiting for the President when Barack opened the door and came in.
As Barack walked toward his desk, he couldn’t help but note that Joe seemed somewhat nervous, and that he was holding a sheet of paper in his hand. In fact, Joe seemed more afloat than usual, and was having no success in concealing it.
Barack settled behind his desk and said, “Have a seat, Joe. What’s up?”
Joe sat down and waved the sheet of paper in front of him. “B, have you heard about this ‘birther’ thing that’s going around?”
Oh, God, thought Barack, Joe’s finally found out. He sighed. Oh, well, let’s see where this goes.
“Why, yes, Joe, I have. Yet another Republican ploy designed to subvert my credibility. It really bothers them that a black man is in the White House, you know. Everyone thought Hilary was going to be sitting here, and they just can’t take it. Hence, this whole ‘birther’ thing.” He smiled at Joe, benignly.
Joe still seemed antsy, out of character with his usual go-for-broke, uninformed, headlong, hell-with-the-facts instincts. He reached up to scratch a niggling hair implant.
“Well, yeah, B, I see that, what with Palin and the whole Teabagger thing, but there’s this supposed ‘real’ birth certificate of yours going around – ” he waved the sheet of paper – “that claims you were actually born in Kenya. It’s all over the White House and I was just wondering –”
“Let me see that,” snapped Barack, and snatched the paper from Joe’s hand. He studied the document for a moment and felt the hairs on his neck spring straight up. Then, taking a deep breath, he emitted a loud, falsely jovial chortle. “Ha ha, it’s all a ruse, Joe! Boy, what these people won’t do for attention.”
Confused, Joe said, “But, B, look there. It says you were born in Kenya right on the document – ”
“No, no, Joe, you don’t understand,” said Barack, still chuckling. He held up the document. “This is a copy of my father’s birth certificate.”
“Your father’s?”
“Exactly. He was born in Kenya. And these ‘birthers’ got hold of a copy and changed the dates so they can claim it’s actually mine. Probably used crayon or something to do it.”
“It’s typed, B,” said Joe.
“Precisely!” spat Barack. “These people will pervert any form of technology in order to try and undermine my credentials. They’ll stop at nothing. They’re insidious!”
Joe picked up the document from Barack’s desk and studied it. “They’re pretty good at what they do, then. This thing sure looks real –”
Barack hastily grabbed the document back and put it in a drawer. “Of course it does, Joe. They’re very good at what they do.”
Joe looked at Barack and asked, “But what about this Kenyan World View that people say you have? You know, praising Muslims, hiring them for sensitive government positions, saying that NASA’s goal is to bridge the gap between the West and Islam? Things like that. I mean, that’s pretty disturbing, B, and it seems –”
“Nothing to it, Joe,” laughed Barack, “just politics as usual. Teabaggers always trying to bring me down.” He looked at Joe, then said, “You know what we should do, Joe?”
Joe, utterly at sea with no paddle even remotely in sight, said, “No, B, what should we do?”
“You and I should go outside on the back lawn and play catch for a while.” His smile was blinding.
“Uhhh, play catch, B?”
“Sure, why not? It’ll take our minds off all this political chicanery.”
Joe, desperately searching for a response and not really sure what ‘chicanery’ meant, finally mumbled, “But, B, you throw a baseball like a gir—I mean, you don’t throw like a ma—I mean … ”
Barack looked at him sternly. “What are you trying to say, Joe?” he asked.
Joe finally capitulated and said, “Nothing, B. Let’s go play catch. I’ll grab the gloves.”
IHateTheMedia.com brings you another exclusive excerpt from the unreleased new Obama bio every day this week. Tomorrow’s excerpt will be Chapter XII: “Reverend Wright Has Been Wronged.” Yesterday’s installment was, The unauthorized Obama bio, Chapter VI: “L’Affaire McChrystal”
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