The Swami Obama sees all, knows all, taxes all
Swami-in-Chief Barack Obama used the stars to look into the future during Wednesday night’s press conference. He sees all, he knows all, he taxes all who make over $250,000.
The moon is in the seventh house. Jupiter’s aligned with Mars. So this is as good a time as any to peer into your future under ObamaCare as divined by the stars.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Say good-bye to your family. You will soon catch Swine Flu. Although the government is preparing 190 million doses of vaccine, you will not be able to get one.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Be prepared for disappointment. Your primary care physician will ask you to get an MRI, but an ObamaCare bureaucrat will overrule him.
Gemini (May 21-June 21)
While some people say ObamaCare will kill capitalism, others think it will kill patients. As a Gemini, you will be able to see both sides of the issue.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
A new child will soon enter your life. Despite the fact that it’s not your child, you will pay for its healthcare for the rest of your life.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
You will have a moment of clarity today when you ask yourself, “If ObamaCare is so good, why aren’t Congressmen demanding it for themselves?”
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
You will suffer from a sinus infection, but your doctor will insist on removing your tonsils.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
Travel is in your future. You will take a trip to Mexico in a desperate attempt to find a doctor.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
You are a born worrier and are prone to stress and tension. With good reason.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
Congratulations! The doctor will see you now. You will reach the top of the waiting list and your turn for medical care will finally arrive.
Capricorn December 22-January 19
Eat better, exercise, relax, stop smoking and soon you’ll be glowing with health. It will make no difference because ObamaCare will tax you to death.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
Take plenty of vitamins and minerals. You’ll feel better than ever after the 2012 election.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
Keep a positive attitude and remember that you’re no more depressed than the rest of us.
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Michael Jackson is conjunct the 3 stooges