Barack Obama and Tim Geithner walk into a bar…

by editor on September 9, 2010

You’re going to wish this was a joke, but it’s not. $700,000 in stimulus money went to a Northwestern University researcher to write software that tells jokes.

ABC 7 Chicago has the unfunny facts:

Professor Kristian Hammond says it’s serious work. But some critics say using stimulus money for this type of research is no laughing matter.

Critics say the project is simply a waste of taxpayer money. But the man behind this next-generation software say those detractors, which include Senator John McCain, have never bothered to call and ask him what his work is all about.

In a building at Northwestern in Evanston, computer sciences professor Kristian Hammond is trying to make computers funny.

“Understanding what makes humor, what makes irony, what makes interesting juxtapositions, to understand what that means we can actually create it. We can create new material,” said Hammond.

It’s all heady, academic stuff, but Hammond is trying to give computers intuition.

The next-generation software looks at news stories and social media, and brings words together to form original lines of thought — a joke, if you will.
The material generated so far is not exactly killer standup material, and Hammond’s critics certainly aren’t laughing.

The project has received more than $700,000 in federal stimulus money. Recently, Senator McCain singled out Hammond’s project, calling it a “joke machine,” one of many examples, he said, of wasteful spending.

“None of them really have any meaningful impact on creating jobs,” McCain said.

Late night comedians like David Letterman will undoubtedly line up to buy Hammond’s software. Why hire a highly-paid staff of comedy writers when a computer can crank out your nightly monologue. And it doesn’t really matter that the software doesn’t produce “killer material” because Letterman stopped being funny about 20 years ago.

Source: ABC 7 Chicago

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drb
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drb

andycanuck, usn-ret, and danybhoy…you guys are funny.

USN-RETIRED
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USN-RETIRED

Well, I try…..usually the listeners patience, but… 😉

jim9101
Member
jim9101

Democrats are preparing for the fall elections. They promise less government, more jobs, and fewer taxes. They like to start off their speeches with a joke.

Necron_99
Member
Necron_99

They like to start off their speeches with a lie and a smoke screen to divert attention from the damage they’ve done so far and the worse damage they intend to do. It’s like the song the Governor sings in ‘Best Little Whorehouse in Texas’;
“Ooh I love to dance a little sidestep, now they see me now they don’t-
I’ve come and gone and, ooh I love to sweep around the wide step,
cut a little swathe and lead the people on.”

andycanuck
Member
andycanuck

When Michelle sits around the Oval Office, she really sits around the Oval Office.

USN-RETIRED
Member
USN-RETIRED

When her pager goes off, they think she’s backing up.

andycanuck
Member
andycanuck

Frigging brilliant, Einstein. Analyze what that was Professor Hammond.

danybhoy
Member
danybhoy

2 Jews go into a bar…

…& buy it!!

RimShot

danybhoy
Member
danybhoy

Ok…

2 Irish guys walk out of a bar…

USN-RETIRED
Member
USN-RETIRED

OUT? That’s a joke. 😉

danybhoy
Member
danybhoy

It could happen.

USN-RETIRED
Member
USN-RETIRED

Only if the place started serving soy lattés.

Then it would start ” Two Irish guys ran out of a bar…”

Necron_99
Member
Necron_99

An Irishman finds Aladdin’s Lamp and rubs it. When the genie appears offering him 3 wishes, the first thing the Irishman asks for is a bottle of Guinness that never runs dry. The genie grants his wish and the Irishman turns up the bottle and drains it only to find it full again when he takes his next pull. This goes on for several minutes until the genie gets impatient and asks the Irishman what he wants for his other 2 wishes. The Irishman looks at the genie and says, “Give me two more of these!”

Necron_99
Member
Necron_99

On the contrary… I’m of Irish descent, so I can tell that joke… kinda like 2 black guys calling one another the N-word.

danybhoy
Member
danybhoy

If you recognize the “bhoy” part of my name, you’ll understand the total lack of racism in my joke.

JJJRO
Guest
JJJRO

As a proud Scottish drunkard I am offended on your behalf!

danybhoy
Member
danybhoy

Thank you, my Celtic brother.

USN-RETIRED
Member
USN-RETIRED

Being of Teutonic heritage, may I add my 2 Pfennig?

Why are German women so strong? From raising dumb-bells.

danybhoy
Member
danybhoy

Ok, but you know the Germans always make stuff.

Elrond Hubbard
Member
Elrond Hubbard

Sadly, the joke’s on Uncle Sam.

RockingHorseGuy
Member

Actually, it’s on us.

bilzot
Guest

Take my president….PLEASE !!!!

Pittsburgh Z
Guest
Pittsburgh Z

That’s almost as bad as tax money going to fund the anti-American crap over at NPR.

sertainly
Member
sertainly

and Tim asks where the mens room is at. The bartender says “I am sorry sir, but we don’t do income taxes here. But H&R Block is right down the street and their rates are pretty reasonable.” Obama then looks at his teleprompter, and they both get up and leave. Tim however decides to buy a drink so that he can use the restroom. Barney Frank then strolls into the bar with Christopher Dodd on his arm, and they put a dollar into the jukebox and begin to slow dance…….

I know this joke is not going anywhere and it sucks, kind of like the bad joke that our current administration is. I keep waiting for a punchline, and it never comes. 🙂

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[…] I’m sure the White House has an interest. […]

michael
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michael

that is a pretty inexpensive joke compared to the one obama is costing America, how many trillions now? and wanting hundreds of billions more for short term employment boost to look good (not possible) for election. Obama is the joke and the United States played it upon itself.

RockingHorseGuy
Member

As an construction worker in Southern California, I’m glad they extended the unemployment benefits, but I’m still not going to vote for any Democrats. I know they caused this recession.

nuke
Member
nuke

Yep, this is one reason why we’re all headed right in the crapper if we keep following dear leader.